Elfsorrow

'The words won't…' He waved a hand uselessly. How could it be this way? He could think it all but he just couldn't say it. Something was missing.

'Then let us help you,' said The Unknown. 'Don't be silent because there's a block in that head of yours.'

'I… I can't.' He sighed and punched the pommel of his saddle.

'Take it easy. Why don't you let me ask the questions? Just say yes, no or whatever you can. Repeat what you hear, if it'll help.'

Thraun could see the sense but couldn't tell The Unknown that it made him feel like a child. Worse, an idiot.

'I'm not trying to patronise you, Thraun. You do understand that, don't you?'

Perfectly, he thought. But it doesn't make any difference. So instead he nodded and bit down on his shame.

'Is there anything we say you don't understand?'

'No.'

'Do you think in the words you want to speak, then?'

'Yes.'

'Do you remember all that happened to you?'

Thraun shrugged. 'Yes?'

'Or you think so at least. Sorry, stupid question. How can you know what you haven't remembered?'

Thraun smiled. 'Yes.'

'You have memories as man and wolf?'

'Yes.'

'Bad?'

'Bad,' agreed Thraun. 'Bad.'

'You feel guilt?'

'Guilt.'

'Responsible?'

'Yes.'

'You aren't to blame, Thraun.'

'Yes, I am.'

'And there's nothing you can do, is there? Nothing to make it better.'

'No, there isn't!' he stormed. 'They're all dead because of me and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it. I ended so many lives because I can't be man or animal so what do you expect me to say? Sorry? I'm in torment here in my head and no one understands because I don't have the words.'

He broke off, aware that they were all looking at him. Yet despite his sudden fury, he felt massively relieved. He relaxed his bunched shoulders.

'Thank you, I think,' he said.

'Any time, Thraun. I think you're trying too hard sometimes. Don't think. React. Let it happen.'

'I'll try,' said Thraun, but he could feel the veil falling again.

'And I'll be there to provoke you, don't you worry.'

Thraun nodded, unsure whether to laugh or cry.

Chapter 39

There was far more to the situation than Auum had appreciated and for the first time he wished he had listened more closely to The Raven. This was no simple two-way fight. At least two other factions were involved and that made decisions complex. However, the outcome was still not in doubt.

The ClawBound had discovered the party of Xeteskians on the third day of searching, moving steadily along the trail Rebraal had indicated. Their communications had spoken of a sizeable force. It had been another day before Auum and his Tai had found the pair. Although sympathising with how unsettled they were, he had rebuked the ClawBound for attacking an innocent. He had then personally tracked the Xeteskians for another day before moving quickly to the meeting point.

He reached it half a day ahead of the enemy and immediately began to plan, gathering other Tais to him and assessing information from the northern scouting. Troops in battle lines had been found a further three days north, their purpose unclear because they faced both north and south. There was no knowing if they were Xeteskian but the fact that they could be enemies added further weight to the argument for attacking the travelling force at the first opportunity.

'The enemy strength is not considerable in numbers but the warrior and mage quality is high,' said Merke, leader of the second Tai tracking the travelling Xeteskians.

'Agreed,' said Auum.

And it was so. The mounted forces numbered fifteen mages and thirty cavalry. On foot were twenty foot soldiers and fifty of the masked warriors. It was these last about whom Auum was most concerned. He had seen the one who fought with The Raven and his speed and raw power were beyond question. Rebraal had been at pains to emphasise that the more of them there were in one fight, the better they became. So fifty were to be rightly feared.

Given their strength and the focussed magic they could bring to bear, to attack them with the numbers that had landed from the Calaian Sun would be foolhardy. But the main elven force was now on land and travelling north. If they kept up their pace, there would be a chance to attack the Xeteskians south of the battle lines. Assuming the troops in the line were also Xeteskian, it was vital to attack the marching force as soon as possible.

Auum called Rebraal to him.

'What are the numbers we can expect here?'

'A further fifteen TaiGethen cells, four ClawBound pairs and a hundred and seventy Al-Arynaar. But every day more fall prey to the Elfsorrow.'

'The Tai have been mercifully free of the Elfsorrow since we left Calaius but it won't last,' said Auum. 'We have an opportunity but I need to combine our forces quickly. Hold Communion. Have the main force move more quickly northwards and be prepared for battle a day after they join us. We must strike before the enemy reach the college lines to the north.'

'And if we don't secure the fragment?' asked Rebraal.

'Alert The Raven,' said Auum. 'They say they can help. If we fail, we'll see what they can do, won't we?'

'You are sceptical, Auum?'

Auum shrugged. 'It is the way of an elf. You have listened too closely to your brother. Rebraal, one more thing. We are going to track the strangers from a distance. They must have no idea we are following them. If they increase their pace, we are lost. Be sure your people understand.'

'Don't worry. None of the Al-Arynaar will travel forward of the TaiGethen or ClawBound.'

'We are in an alien land,' said Auum, 'People talk and messages cross long distances by magic. Unless you have no option, keep clear of Balaians. This must be the greatest victory since the unification of the elves. Our lives are all at stake. Be sure they are mindful of that, too.'

'We understand, Auum,' said Rebraal.

Auum nodded. 'Pray with me.'

'It will be my honour.' Ilkar came out of his Communion with the Al-Arynaar mage and outlined the elves' plans.

'Where do they report seeing the college lines?' asked The Unknown.

'Three plus days north of Thornewood.'

'That's the southern border of the Xeteskian mage lands,' said Darrick. 'When you talk to her next, tell her the troops they can see are going to be Dordovan; the lines they can't see a couple of miles further north will be the Xeteskians.'

'And they're planning on attacking where, exactly?' asked The Unknown.

'Rebraal's brief is a little sketchy but it'll be close to the lines. Perhaps not in sight but not far off. It's all a question of getting the main force that followed us into the Bay of Gyernath north quickly enough. With the best will in the world, they can't catch Yron and the researchers much south of the Xeteskian lines. They're all on foot after all.'

'But fast,' said Ren. 'And resolute.'

Ilkar nodded. 'So where does that leave us?'

'Simple,' said Hirad. 'We can get north of Yron's force and perhaps even contact the Dordovan lines. Let them know what's coming. What do you say?'

'It's good enough for me,' said Ilkar.

The Unknown looked at Darrick, who nodded his agreement. 'Let's do it.' Yron had never been able to shake off the idea that they were being watched. For practically every mile of the ten-day journey since they had left Arlen with the researchers, he'd had a nag at the back of his mind. He knew they drew glances from everyone they passed but that wasn't it. Hollow-cheeked men and women trying to work the land or with bow in hand on the hunt, traders wary of attack giving them a wide berth on the trail and refugees in any number just drifting; they weren't the problem.