Chief: Haven’t seen Tinker. The half-wit got out by himself.
Nikki: There he is — crowing like a child!
Ellery: Sergeant, call the poor fellow over here. (Velie slips off.) I wonder where his brother Jacob is.
Sweeney: Tinker’s gone to the home office of my insurance company — that’s in Cleveland — to try and talk them into reinstating his lapsed policy. Funny, isn’t it?
Velie: (Returning) Here’s Simple Simon, Mr. Queen.
Simon: (Excited) Ooh! It’s a big, big fire! Isn’t it?
Ellery: (Gently) Where have you been all day, Simon?
Simon: Playing in the street with the little boys... Sssss! Watch the water! Watch the fire! Watch the smoke!
Inspector: You weren’t in your brother’s pawnshop or back room all day, Simon?
Simon: Huh? Oh, sure. In and out. I love fires! The fairies make them! For me! The fairies like me. (He lumbers off gleefully.) More fire! More water! More smoke! Ssssss...!
Nikki: Isn’t that Mr. Ferguson in the crowd there, Ellery? And there’s Mr. Ferril and Madame Delage!
Ellery: Fatal affinity of misery and company, Nikki... Dad! (“Yes, son!”) When the fire’s out and the engines leave, post your own men around the building. Don’t let anyone examine the debris. By morning the fire should be out, and it will be safe for me to poke around the ruins. I want to be the first one.
Inspector: All right, but what do you expect to find?
Ellery: (Grimly) If I knew that, Dad, I’d know everything.
SCENE 6: The Same, Next Morning (The Queen Party drives up to the scene of the fire)
Ellery: Come on, Dad, Nikki. Let’s have a look at the remains.
Nikki: It’s just a black, hollow shell. Awful! (They get out.)
Inspector: There’s Velie — he’s relieved the night men. Morning Velie! (Velie yawns, Ferguson is with him.)
Ellery: Good morning, Sergeant. Ah, Mr. Ferguson. Out early to view the remains?
Velie: Mr. Ferguson just come around to give ol’ man Tinker the needles.
Ferguson: But that harrrd-hearted mon, he’s na’ here yet. Well, sir, Ferguson waits, I’ll tell ye thot! I’m not a vindictive mon, but that Tinker — serves him right, the penny-pinchin’ scrounger!
Inspector: (Chuckling) Scotty’s got his monkey up. Well, let’s go in. (They all enter the gutted building.)
Ellery: No one’s been allowed inside all night, Sergeant?
Velie: Nope. Watch yer step, Miss Porter. This floor ain’t what you’d call the Rock o’ Gibraltar.
Nikki: This was a fire. Practically nothing left.
Ellery: Grab sticks, everybody. Let’s see if we can’t turn up something interesting.
Inspector: Here’s a couple. Scatter. Sticks!
Ferguson: (Off) And what we supposed to be lookin’ for, Mr. Queen?
Ellery: Mr. Ferguson, blessed if I know! (They keep poking.)
Velie: (Off) What could anyone find in this burned trash?
Nikki: Even the big safe over there’s in pretty bad shape. (Cries of Tinker off. He enters, stumbling.) Who on earth is that?
Inspector: It’s Jake Tinker. Listen to him rave!
Tinker: (He is an old man with a nasal cracked voice) My store! My propitty! Burned to the ground! Who did it? They’re tryin’ to ruin me! Look at it — just look). (Groans.)
Ferguson: (Shouting — off) Serves ye right, ye old shark!
Ellery: Hush, Mr. Ferguson. You just found out you’d had a fire, Mr. Tinker?
Tinker: I just got back from Cleveland — the insurance company won’t renew my policy... My store, my building, burned... Wait! I’m crazy! I forgot! Did you find it? Where is it? It was over here, over the stove...
Inspector: Did we find what, Jake? (Things hurled aside.)
Tinker: My cracker tin! The tin I kept on the shelf over the stove in the back room here! It’s got all my money in it! Hid under the crackers! (He hurls himself at the debris.)
Ellery: (Low) He certainly lives up to his reputation as a miser, doesn’t he, Nikki? Money in a cracker box!
Nikki: (Low) Look at him scrabbling in that pile of charred junk! He’s worse than his brother Simon.
Tinker: (Babbling) I don’t trust banks — so I keep my money here. Can you blame me? Who can trust anyone these days? My tin — where is it? It must be here some place!
Ellery: Let us help you, Mr. Tinker. How much money did you have in the tin box?
Tinker: Twenty one-thousand-dollar bills!
Velie: (Whistles) Twenty grand!
Nikki: Covered with moldy crackers. He’s been reading Poe!
Velie: (Off) Don’t see that cracker-tin nowheres.
Tinker: (Yell of triumph) I found it!
Inspector: Yep, it’s a cracker box, all right. All twisted and blackened. Can you open it? (Clatter of tin lid — Tinker cries out.)
Ellery: What’s the matter, Mr. Tinker?
Tinker: (Sobbing) My twenty thousand dollars — my lovely dollars — ashes. Just ashes. All burned up!
Ellery: Let’s have that tinful of ashes, Mr. Tinker. (Low) Dad — Headquarters. I want these ashes tested in the police laboratory!
SCENE 7: Inspector Queen’s Office, Police Headquarters
Nikki: (Yawning) I wish Sergeant Velie’d come upstairs with that laboratory report. I’m all worn out.
Ellery: It’s a peculiar case. Four fires, all deliberately set, and every person involved is ruined!
Inspector: What’s peculiar about it, Ellery? These things happen every day. It’s the work of a nut, a fire-bug.
Nikki: It’s just a question of finding the bug!
Ellery: It’s certainly not Ferguson or Ferril or Madame Delage or Jacob Tinker, if it’s a fire-bug. A fire-bug might ruin others for the sheer joy of committing arson — but not himself. And Sweeney wouldn’t run the risk of losing four customers and perhaps his job!
Inspector: My guess is it’s this half-wit Simon.
Nikki: You’ve seen how the poor man acts, Ellery. He loves fire. And he’s half-witted. He might be the fire-bug!
Ellery: Oh, come. These fires have been cleverly executed — they involved the combustion of chemicals. Would a dreamy simpleton like Simon be capable of such planning and cleverness? No, it’s not Simon. (Fretfully.) A case without a single active suspect!