One of them, an older woman with a no-nonsense vibe, walked over to the counter. “Can I help you?” she asked.
“I need paperwork,” I said.
She raised an eyebrow. “Okay…what kind of paperwork do you need?”
“I’m not sure. I want to file for divorce, but I’m not sure what all that entails,” I admitted.
The woman frowned at me for a moment before turning away. I watched as she walked across the room to a row of filing cabinets. She opened one and flipped through it before pulling out a manila envelope. She returned to the counter and handed it to me. It felt heavier than I’d expected.
“You need to fill these out. There are also forms in there for your husband. If you’re on amicable terms with him, you can fill everything out together. If not, fill out what is required from yourself, and your lawyer will handle serving your husband with the divorce papers.”
“A lawyer?” I asked, my stomach sinking.
I couldn’t afford a lawyer. Joey wouldn’t be able to either unless he had money stashed away that I didn’t know about. I doubted that though. He’d never been one to save money.
I could practically see the mental eye roll the clerk gave me.
“Yes, a lawyer. If you’re not on amicable terms with your husband, you will each need a lawyer to settle your assets and custody terms for your children, if you have them.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, feeling stupid.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?” she asked, her tone making it clear that she didn’t want to.
“No, that’s it. Thank you.”
I left the office, clutching the divorce papers to my chest. My mind was racing, trying to process the fact that I was too broke to properly file for divorce. If Joey fought me over anything, anything at all, I would be screwed. I would either be trapped in this marriage with him, or I would go into debt from trying to break free.
I had a sick feeling in my stomach by the time I made it to my car. I climbed in and locked the doors before opening the envelope and pulling out the paperwork inside. My eyes widened as I looked through what seemed like an endless amount of forms. There was another set meant for Joey as well.
I read through each one, unable to believe it was this hard to file for divorce. When Joey and I had decided to get married, all we’d had to do was go to the courthouse and pay our fee to get a license.
Handling all of this would be hard enough if Joey were with me on it, but if he wasn’t, things were going to get brutal and fast.
“I’ve got to talk to him,” I said aloud, “and make him see reason.”
He’d ignored my calls and texts, so I didn’t bother trying to do either again. I knew the only way he would talk to me was if we were face-to-face. That would bring on additional complications, but I knew it was the only thing I could do.
I still had my keys to the apartment. He knew I hadn’t been back there since I’d asked for the divorce. I was ninety-nine percent sure that he was still staying there.
A plan formed in my mind. He would be home tomorrow morning. If I waited until he was there and showed up, unannounced, I could hopefully catch him. I knew I would be able to get in whether he wanted me to or not. I was sure our meeting wouldn’t go well, but I had to make him see that this would be the best thing for both of us.
He had to understand. He just had to.
The next day, I waited impatiently for the shop to close down. I didn’t dare let Ethan or my dad know that I planned to confront Joey on my own. I knew both of them would have the same response, thinking it was a bad idea. I knew it was a bad idea too, but that didn’t mean that I was going to let them stop me.
When the shop finally closed down, I hightailed it out of there without so much as a good-bye to anyone. I was sure that would make Ethan suspicious, but it was better than standing around, making idle chitchat, as I tried to find a way to escape.
I pulled into our apartment building’s lot just a short time later. I scanned the lot, relieved to see Joey’s truck parked in his normal spot. I parked next to him and headed inside, the envelope with the divorce papers clutched in my hand. I didn’t bother to knock when I reached our door. Instead, I stuck my key in and unlocked it. I silently slipped inside and locked the door behind me.
Joey was nowhere to be seen in the entryway or living room. I peeked into the kitchen, only to find it empty as well. Our bathroom door was open with the light off, so I knew he wouldn’t be in there either. That left our bedroom.
I sighed as I headed toward it, hoping that Joey wasn’t asleep. He was grumpy on a good day. In the mornings, he would be pure evil when I had to wake him up. If he were asleep, I might as well forget trying to talk to him about anything at all.
The door was open just a crack, enough that the light spilled through. I peeked in and was relieved to see Joey sitting up in bed, his eyes focused on the television we had on our dresser. I pushed the door open, and his head jerked up in surprise. That surprise quickly turned to anger as his eyes met mine.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded.
I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. I rested my back against it, too afraid to step any closer to Joey.
In his worst moments, he had shoved me around like a rag doll. He’d never hit me, but there was always a first time for everything. I didn’t want that to happen now.
“We need to talk,” I stated the obvious.
“Like hell we do,” he growled. “I think you said enough the other day to last us both a lifetime. Get out of here—now.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not leaving until we talk this out.” I held up the manila envelope so that he could see it. “I brought this with me. I thought maybe we could fill out the paperwork together. There’s stuff we need to try to do together, things that apply to Amelia.”
“What is that?” he asked, his eyes glued on the packet.
“I think you know what it is.”
“Divorce papers.” It wasn’t a question but a statement.
“Yeah, divorce papers.” I took a hesitant step toward the bed and then another.
When he didn’t jump up and start tossing things at me, I decided it was safe to approach him.
“I don’t want us to hate each other by the end of this,” I said as I pulled his set of forms out. I’d put his papers in a folder for him before I left for work this morning. I handed the folder to him and sat down next to him on the bed. “We can still come out of this as friends. Please help me do that.”
He looked over at me, and it was then I noticed the tears in his eyes. I had never, not even once, seen this man cry. It shocked me into silence. Without thinking, I reached over and put my hand over his. He put the folder on the bed and placed his other hand over mine.
He gently squeezed my hand. “Do you really want to end us?” he asked.
The pain I felt in that moment was indescribable as I said the word I knew would only hurt him, “Yes.”
He looked as if I’d punched him in the gut and then kicked him while he was down. “How can you say that?”
“Because…look at us. We don’t love each other, Joey, not the way we should. Clearly, we still care about each other, but that’s it. Together, we’re toxic for each other, nothing but poison.”
“This doesn’t feel like poison,” he said as he squeezed my hand.
“No, but these past few years, almost every other moment of our lives has been. You and I both know it.” I pulled my hand away from his. “The only good that has come from us is Amelia. She’s still good, Joey. She won’t remember our fights or my crying. She won’t remember both of us being miserable. I don’t want out just for me. I want out for her, too. She deserves better than this.”