We sat in silence as the movie started to play. Soon, I was so engrossed in the movie that I forgot about anything and everything else. Occasionally, I would glance over at Ethan to see his reaction on certain scenes. More often than not, his eyes were on me and not on the TV.
“Watch it!” I chastised him.
He held up his hands in mock surrender and turned his attention to the movie. Satisfied, I did the same.
When the first movie ended, I pulled the second one out of the box and handed it to him. He shook his head, but he grabbed the disc and put it into the player.
For the next few hours, we watched Harry and his friends. Somehow, I found myself closer to Ethan every time I checked. He had been scooting over closer to me, and I had been doing the same, moving toward him.
By the time we started on the fourth movie, he had his arm wrapped around me, and my head was resting on his chest.
“Do you like these?” I asked, breaking our silence.
“Actually, I do. I wasn’t sure if I would, but I’m glad I took the chance.”
I raised my head to look at him. “If you weren’t sure, why did you buy them?”
He gave me a sheepish grin. “I knew you liked them. I thought I could use them to spend time with you.”
I laughed, oddly touched by his strange kindness. “You’re sweet. You know, I’ve asked Joey about a million times to watch these with me, and he never would. Yet you bought them on the off chance that I might want to watch them.”
I lowered my head back down onto his chest, a warm feeling flooding me. Ethan had continued to prove over and over again that he was a good man who actually cared about me.
After six movies, we finally called it a night. I wanted to watch the last two, but I could tell by Ethan’s drooping eyelids that he was ready to fall asleep. I grabbed the remote from the coffee table and shut off the TV. We both stood and stretched. I yawned and glanced at my phone to see what time it was. My eyes widened when I realized it was after two in the morning.
“I should go.” I shook my head. “I shouldn’t even be here this late to begin with.”
“Why not?” Ethan asked with a grin.
“We both know why.” I stood up and walked to the door.
He followed me, stopping behind me, as I reached for the door.
“What? No hug?” he teased.
I grinned as I turned back to face him. “After cuddling on the couch with you all day, I suppose a hug won’t kill either of us.”
He smirked as I moved forward into the space separating us. My arms found their way around him, and I tightly hugged him, enjoying his warmth.
As I hugged him, I felt every inch of him pressing up against me. I buried my nose in his neck, inhaling his scent, committing it to memory.
“Jesus, you smell good,” I whispered, my voice muffled. My cheeks warmed with embarrassment as I realized that I’d said that out loud.
He chuckled as he wound his arms tighter around me. We stood like that for minutes, hours maybe. Time ceased to exist.
“Caley, you need to move,” Ethan said after a while.
“Why?” I asked.
“Honestly? Because my dick is as hard as a rock just from me holding you.”
“Oh,” I said, surprised at his bluntness.
But I made no attempt to pull away at all. He’d never said something so sexual to me before. He was always careful not to make me feel uncomfortable. I could feel him pressed up against me, his hardness growing until even I couldn’t ignore it.
“Yeah. So, please move,” he whispered against my hair.
“I can’t,” I told him.
It was the truth. There was no way I could move away from him. It felt too good to be in his arms. My conscience normally screamed at me to avoid situations like this with him, but it was quiet at the moment. It seemed that even my guilt couldn’t compete with this moment. Or maybe it was the fact that that we’d just spent the day together, and it was the best time I’d had in what seemed like forever.
He cursed under his breath as his arms tightened around me. “It feels so good to hold you. I’m a dirty bastard for thinking that. But to say it? That’s even worse.”
“It’s not dirty,” I said. “It feels right.”
“Yeah, I guess it does,” he said.
Before I could stop myself, I pressed my lips against his neck and kissed softly. Then, I did it again. The feel of my lips against his skin was out of this world. A very tiny part of me suddenly screamed to pull away, but I couldn’t make myself do it.
Things were already messed up in my life as it was. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t move forward with Ethan until after everything had been settled with Joey. Kissing Ethan right now would only make things worse for not only me, but for Ethan as well.
My lips didn’t seem to get the message as they continued to press against his skin. My tongue slipped through my lips without my consent and tasted him. Ethan’s entire body tensed as I continued my exploration of his skin. Taking the hint, I finally pulled away. His arms refused to let me go though. I was trapped in his embrace, but it didn’t bother me. It felt too right to be in his arms.
“I need to let you go,” he whispered.
I stared up at him. There was sadness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.
Without thinking, I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his. It was a small kiss, insignificant and practically nonexistent. But it changed everything. In that moment, I’d crossed a line we’d drawn since that night I kissed him and realized how I really felt about him, a line I’d been tiptoeing for what seemed like forever.
I pulled away, my lips tingling with the memory of his.
“Oh God, I’m sorry,” I whispered.
If I’d thought he was tense before, I was wrong. His body turned to stone before me, his arms still locked around me.
“Ethan?” I asked softly. When he didn’t speak, I said his name again, “Ethan?”
Nothing.
“I’m so sorry.”
Dread filled me as I took him in. His eyes were pointed upward at the ceiling, refusing to look at me.
“Ethan? Please forgive me. I’m so sorry. Don’t hate me.”
That seemed to pull him from his trance. “Hate you? I don’t hate you.”
“But you’re angry,” I said. “You’re like stone right now.”
He took a deep breath and pulled me closer. “It’s not because I hate you.”
“Then, what is it?” I asked.
“It’s taking everything in me not to take you back to my bedroom right now and strip you naked.”
My stomach churned with a sudden warmth that told me we were in a dangerous situation. His words alone had me yearning for something more. I couldn’t though.
Joey and I might be separated, but we were still married. I knew he was still trying to convince me to stay with him, but there was no doubt in my mind that I would resist his pleas.
So, where did that leave me? In the arms of a man I wanted, a man I wanted so desperately in this moment that I felt that I might combust, but I wasn’t sure I could have him.
“I want you, but I don’t want to cheat.” I sighed. “I don’t even know if it would be considered cheating. I’m sure Joey would think so.”
“Don’t bring him into this moment,” Ethan said. He released me and took a step back. “Fuck. Why did you have to say his name?”
“I’m sorry.” It seemed I’d kept saying that over and over.
“It’s not your fault.” He rubbed his eyes with one hand, as if trying to get rid of a headache. “None of this is your fault.”
He reached out and pulled me to him, fiercely hugging me. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him back. We stood like that for what seemed like hours, so wrapped up in each other that it felt as if we were the only two people in the world.