“I want you so bad that it physically hurts,” he said as he rested his chin on my head.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make things harder for you.”
I started to pull away, but he wouldn’t release me.
“Just being near you makes things harder. This”—he squeezed me—“is like a reprieve. I can touch you, feel your body against mine, and that’s more than I could have ever expected.”
He kissed the top of my head, and then he finally released me. I took a step back, trying to find my bearings.
“I love you,” he said suddenly, so suddenly that I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right.
“What?” I whispered.
“I love you.” He looked as if saying the words were causing him actual pain. “I shouldn’t say that to you, I know that, but I can’t not say it either. I’m too far into this with you. I need you to understand that I’m not going anywhere, Caley. I’m going to wait right here until you’re ready to move on with your life. When you do, it’s going to be with me. I’m going to teach you what life is really supposed to be like. I’m going to show you what it’s like to be loved.”
Tears filled my eyes as I stared at this man, who was pouring his heart out to me. He was so young, barely older than I was when I had fallen in love with Joey, but this was different. The emotions playing on his face, his tone…everything was different. I knew without a doubt that Ethan meant what he was saying.
I stepped forward and reached up to cup his jaw. “Thank you, Ethan. Thank you so much.”
This time, I wasn’t the one to initiate the kiss. Instead, he lowered his head and searched out my lips with his. The kiss was gentle at first but grew in intensity to a point where I couldn’t breathe. His lips crushed against mine, making me dizzy with need.
I bit down on his bottom lip, and he sucked in a breath, his grip on me tightening. His tongue darted between my lips, tasting me, as I clung to his shoulders.
Ethan pulled away. “You have to make me stop.”
“I can’t,” I whispered before pulling him back to me and kissing him again.
“If we don’t, there’s no going back.” He pulled away. He put his fingers under my chin and forced me to look up at him. “Can you live with that?”
“I…I don’t know,” I said.
“If you can’t live with it, then I need you to go. I won’t let your guilt turn something perfect into something you’ll regret.”
“No matter how much guilt I might feel, I wouldn’t ever regret it,” I told him.
He shook his head. “There should be no guilt in your heart at all.”
He ran his fingers over my trembling lips. I closed my eyes, my heart and my mind at war with each other.
“Don’t leave me, please. Don’t walk out that door and take this moment away from us. The guilt you feel is for a man who has never loved you, not the way I do. Don’t let him destroy this like he has destroyed everything else in your life.”
“I’m scared,” I told him, as if he didn’t already know that.
He could clearly see the way my body was trembling.
“Don’t be.” He reached down and grabbed my hand. “Come with me. Let me show you what love is supposed to be like.”
Caley hesitated for a moment, but then she finally started moving. I pulled her along, wondering if I was crazy for doing this. It could end badly for both of us.
Was I really willing to take that chance? What if I lost her because I couldn’t wait a few more weeks or maybe a few more months at most?
I pushed that thought aside. No, I wouldn’t lose her. Caley was already mine whether she realized it or not. I loved her, and now, she knew. She didn’t have to be afraid of facing the world on her own or being alone after settling everything with Joey.
She was mine, and I was about to mark her as mine.
We walked into my bedroom, and I closed the door behind us. I could feel her body trembling as I brushed against her.
“Don’t be afraid,” I whispered as I rested my hands on her shoulders and rubbed gently.
“How can I not be?” she whispered back.
“Because you’re with me,” I told her. “You never have to be afraid when I’m near.”
I leaned forward and tenderly kissed the back of her neck. I wanted her to know how much she was loved. I needed her to understand that.
She sighed, and her body slowly started to relax as I kissed a path up her neck to her ear. I turned her so that she was facing me. Her eyes were wide, frightened. I kissed both of her eyelids and then her nose as I moved her backward to my bed.
When the back of her legs hit the bed, I gently pushed her down until she lay flat on top of my sheets. I kissed her, soft at first. Then, finally caving to my need, I kissed her harder. My hands found her hair, and I ran my fingers through the silky strands. She sighed against my lips, her body going slack beneath me. Finally, she was relaxed.
I stood and pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it aside. Her eyes widened as she stared at my naked chest.
“Don’t stare like you’ve never seen it. I saw you watching me earlier when I was mowing,” I teased.
Her face heated, but she didn’t respond. I fought a grin at the sight of her blushing. In some ways, she was still so innocent. Silently, she watched as I pulled her shoes off and dropped them next to the bed.
When I reached for the button on her jeans, she tensed up again.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I assured her as I undid the button and then the zipper.
“Ethan, I’ve never…” She trailed off.
I raised an eyebrow. “You have a child. Don’t tell me you’ve never had sex.”
She shook her head. “Of course I have. It’s just…I’ve never been naked in front of anyone, except for him.”
“I assumed as much,” I said. When she raised an eyebrow, I went on to explain, “Well, you’ve been with him since high school, and you’ve never hit me as the type who sleeps around.”
“I’m not,” she said, as if she felt the need to defend herself.
“Shh, I know.” I slowly pulled her jeans off and let them fall to the floor. I felt my dick harden as I laid my eyes on her black satin panties. They were simple but sexy as fuck.
I reached up and took her hands in mine, pulling her up until she was sitting on the bed. I grabbed the bottom of her shirt and lifted it up and over her head, discarding it into the growing pile of clothing at my feet. She instantly tried to cover herself with her hands and arms, blocking as much of her chest and stomach as she could.
“Please don’t be shy,” I told her. “It’s only the two of us here.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m ruining this for you.”
I shook my head. “Not at all. I know we have to take our time. I’m willing to go as slow as you need me to.”
“I’m afraid you’ll look at me and turn away.” A tear slipped down her cheek.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“My stomach. It’s not flat, and I have stretch marks from Amelia.” Another tear slid down her cheek. “My boobs aren’t perky anymore. Pregnancy took that, too.”
I was stunned into silence as I watched her cry. She made sure to shield every inch of herself that she possibly could. For the first time, I realized just how broken the girl in front of me was.
“Hey,” I said as I knelt down in front of her so that I could look her right in the eyes, “you’re beautiful, Caley, inside and out.”
“Right.” She hiccupped.
I reached forward and tugged her arms away from her body. The look of horror on her face broke my heart.