Truth be told, I wasn’t even sure why I’d wanted to wait. If I had to guess, I would say it was because I had felt a twinge of guilt when I thought of what we had done while I was still with Joey.
I hadn’t wanted my relationship with Ethan to be clouded with the sins of my past or the toxic downfall of my marriage to Joey. I wanted Ethan and I to have a fresh start of our own.
“Now? Now, we move forward. I think we’ve waited long enough, don’t you?” Ethan said.
“Yeah, I do. I’m just…scared, I guess. It’s been so long since I dated someone. I’m not even sure how this works now that I’m not a teenager in high school.”
He grinned. “Well, I’m not exactly experienced, but I would say going on dates would be a good way to start.” He paused. “And if you decide to spend the night after a date or two, I won’t complain.”
I blushed, remembering our time together. Even though it’d only been three months, it’d seemed like an eternity since we’d been together. Every single day, we had seen each other, a constant reminder of what we could be.
My body was craving him like a drug now, and I was barely holding on.
“So, we date,” I stated, feeling silly.
“We date. Then, we go from there. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to see you as a permanent fixture in this house soon.” When I started to protest, he held up his hand. “I’m not asking you to move in today or next week or even a month from now. You’ve been forced into enough stuff before, and I’m not about to repeat those mistakes. We’ll do this on our time. No matter how long it takes, we’ll figure it out together.”
“What on earth did I do to deserve someone like you?” I asked, still in disbelief that this wonderful man had waited so long for me.
“You didn’t do anything. You’re just…you. For me, that’s more than enough.” He leaned forward and softly kissed me. “Yeah, you’re definitely enough.”
SIX MONTHS LATER
Most guys my age didn’t spend their evenings giving a one-year-old her bath or filling up her sippy cup. They didn’t play with toys on the floor every evening until it was time for bed. They didn’t tuck a squirming little girl into bed and sing her ridiculous songs to keep her from crying. Once the little girl was asleep, they didn’t crawl into bed with her mother and hold her tight.
No, most twenty-year-olds didn’t have my life. They wouldn’t want it. They’d prefer to be off at college, studying and banging chicks in the backseats of their cars. We were only young once, so we might as well enjoy the hell out of it.
To me, spending every night with Amelia and Caley was exactly what I wanted. I couldn’t picture my life any other way.
I’d loved Caley since I was sixteen years old. That was never the problem. I’d just never thought I’d ever have the chance to show her how much I cared.
Fate had been looking out for me though. The night she’d messaged me changed the course of both our lives. If she had messaged someone else, anyone else, we might have never reconnected. I might be alone right now with no one but myself. I could be spending my nights the way I always had—alone, watching TV, waiting for the clock to tell me it was time for bed so that I could start all over again the next day. So, yeah, fate had been on my side for once.
Caley had moved in with me last month. I hadn’t forced the issue, but I’d let her know several times that I wanted her to live with me. She’d resisted at first, clearly afraid to jump in too fast and make the same mistakes that had led her to a failed marriage. But I’d shown her over and over again in every possible way that things were different for us. I wasn’t Joey. I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes he had. Caley was someone who deserved to be cherished, not someone who needed to be talked down to and humiliated.
My age had worried her, too. She’d felt like I was jumping in too soon. I wasn’t old enough to have lived a carefree life. I’d flat-out told her that was stupid. I’d thought she was going to throw something at my head when I said that, but she hadn’t.
After a few more tense conversations, she’d finally accepted that I was right where I wanted to be in life, age be damned.
I could tell her over and over that things with our relationship were different—that she was different, and I was, too—but it was pointless. Instead, I’d set out to show her how different we were from the way her relationship with Joey had been. I’d let her make her own choices, only offering advice when she’d asked. I didn’t control her or order her around.
For the first time in her life, Caley was living her life for herself and no one else. It was a beautiful thing to witness.
Every single day, I saw the changes in her. The woman I’d gone fishing with so many months ago was gone. That woman had been conflicted, terrified of her own shadow. She’d hated herself, inside and out. The new Caley was living life however she pleased. She didn’t shy away from anything. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, both in mind and in body.
Exactly six months after her divorce, I planned a surprise for her. Amelia was spending the weekend with Joey, so Caley and I would have the house to ourselves. I blindfolded her and led her into our bathroom. When I removed the blind, she was understandably completely confused.
“What are we doing in here?” she asked as she stared at our reflection in the mirror.
“Tell me what you see,” I stated.
“What?”
“Tell me what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror.”
“You’re insane,” she said, still thoroughly confused.
“I know, but humor me, just for a minute.”
She sighed. “I see myself and you.”
I poked her in the side. “Describe yourself.”
She looked at me like she thought I’d lost my mind. “I don’t know, Ethan. I’m me. Brown hair, big lips, super awesome boobs from having Amelia. I’m just…me.”
I laughed. “Your boobs are super awesome even though you didn’t think so not too long ago. Do you want to know what I see when I look in the mirror at you?”
“What?” she asked in exasperation.
“I see a woman who is no longer defined by what she always thought were her flaws. She doesn’t stop to obsess over whatever flaws she thinks are there. She looks at the big picture and points out her best features.”
“What are you getting at here?” she asked.
“If I’d asked you to do this a year ago, or even six months ago, what would your answer have been?” She shrugged. “You could barely stand to let me take your clothes off because you didn’t feel beautiful, Caley. Now, you pull them off before I have the chance. The woman looking back at you in that mirror isn’t hunched over with her hair covering her face, trying to hide from everyone and everything. She’s standing up straight, facing the world head-on.”
“I don’t know about that…” she said uncertainly.
“I do. The woman looking back at you right now? You made her completely on your own. You didn’t depend on me or your parents or anyone else. Life threw you a curveball. You hit a home run with that bastard all on your own. You owned that shit.
“One time, you told me that your greatest fear was falling back into the way you had been with Joey, only with someone else. You didn’t do that, Caley. You took control. You were amazing before, but now, you’re goddamn incredible. You’re invincible. And that”—I paused—“is why I love you so much that it actually hurts sometimes. There’s no one else out there like you.”
“Why are you telling me this?” she whispered.