“Pick her up, rock her, give her a cold washcloth to chew on. You’ve watched me take care of her all day. You know what to do.”
He sighed. “Fine. But be back here in an hour. I’ll be hungry by then.”
Instead of demanding he give me more time, I just nodded and turned away. I grabbed my keys and tore out of the apartment before he could change his mind. If I was allowed only an hour, I sure as hell wasn’t going to waste it hanging around here.
When I reached my car, I glanced down at my phone. It was flashing with a new message. I unlocked it to see a few messages from Ethan, all of them asking where I’d disappeared to.
I was busy telling Joey that I needed some me time. I’m in my car now. Ah, I did it!
Ha-ha. How brave of you. So, where are you going to go?
No idea, but I have a whole hour to myself. I’m probably just going to drive around with the windows down and the radio turned up.
That sounds like a good way to spend an hour. Want some company?
What do you mean?
Well, if you don’t mind someone riding shotgun, I was going to suggest that you come pick me up. I’m about ten minutes away from our old high school. I have no idea where you live now, so I don’t know how close I am to you.
My eyes widened as I read his message. I wanted to pick him up, but I knew it would be a bad idea.
What if someone I knew saw me picking him up? What if Joey found out somehow? He would be furious. No, furious wasn’t a strong enough word for how angry he would be.
I messaged back.
What’s your address?
When Ethan responded, I smiled. He lived within fifteen minutes of my place.
I’ll pick you up in fifteen.
Apparently, I was throwing caution to the wind. Picking him up would either be really good for me or catastrophic if it ended with Joey learning the truth. Either way, I wasn’t going to back out now. It seemed I was taking all kinds of risks today.
Caley Sanders, the daredevil.
It had a nice ring to it.
When I pulled up outside a small white house, I saw Ethan sitting on his porch, smoking a cigarette. He stood and stomped it out before walking over to where my car was parked. He opened the door and climbed inside with a wide grin. I took a moment to look him over, surprised at just how much he’d changed since the last time I laid eyes on him. The photos I’d glanced at online didn’t do him justice. He was far more attractive than I’d remembered.
“You know, I never expected that you’d actually show up when I suggested you come pick me up,” Ethan said in greeting.
I checked to make sure there was no traffic before pulling back onto the road. “Honestly, I thought it was a bad idea when you suggested it.”
Ethan laughed. “Then, why did you come get me?”
I kept my eyes on the road, debating on what to say. “I guess I was just lonely.”
He was quiet for a moment before speaking again, “You were so lonely that you came to pick up a guy you hadn’t seen since you graduated from high school years ago?”
“I guess I was,” I mumbled as I made a right turn onto a less traveled road. I didn’t want to push my luck by driving right through the main part of town. I might be a fool for deciding to see Ethan in person, but I wasn’t a complete moron.
“Turn right up here,” Ethan said suddenly.
I curiously glanced over at him before turning as he had instructed. “Why am I going this way? I’m not even sure if this is a road or not. It might just be someone’s driveway.”
“It’s a road, I promise. I used to go fishing at a pond up through here. A pull-off spot is coming up. Pull over there.”
“Why?” I asked cautiously.
“Because I think you need someone to vent to, and it’s kind of hard to have that kind of conversation while you’re driving. I’d rather you get it all out of your system at once instead of trying to focus on both the road and what you’re saying.”
I pursed my lips but didn’t respond. Ethan had a point about my need to vent, so when I saw the pull-over spot, I turned the wheel, leaving the blacktop. Once I was off the road, I put my car in park and shut it off.
We were completely surrounded by trees, no trace of human life anywhere near us. The sun was starting to sink below the horizon. I suddenly felt uneasy about being so totally alone with Ethan. It wasn’t just the fact that I hadn’t seen him in so long, but it also felt wrong to be alone with a man who wasn’t my husband.
“So, do you want to vent or not?” Ethan asked. “Or we can just sit here in silence until you’re ready to go home. I’m good with either option.”
I looked over at him. “A man who is willing to talk about emotions and stuff? You’re full of surprises.”
He shrugged. “I call bullshit on that whole men-don’t-talk-about-feelings crap.”
“I couldn’t tell you the last time Joey actually sat down and listened when I tried to talk to him about my feelings,” I said.
“Then, he’s a fool. No marriage—hell, no relationship can last without communication,” Ethan said.
“I wish he would realize that. The only communication we have is during our daily fights. Let me just say, there’s not a lot of good communication going on during those.”
Ethan frowned. “Why don’t you start at the beginning and tell me what’s been going on between the two of you? I know you’ve been with him for a long time. You were with him back when we first met. You seemed so happy with him then.”
“I was happy,” I said sadly. “I was in love—or at least, I was in love with the idea of love. Until Joey, no guy had paid me a bit of attention. I’d thought something was wrong with me, and then Joey came along. He spoke to me and paid attention to what I had to say. He told me how pretty I was and made sure that we always spent time together. He made me feel important, like I was worth someone’s attention.”
“I never realized what a low opinion you had of yourself,” Ethan said.
I stared at him, shocked by his words. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You needed Joey’s attention to feel validated. You’re a pretty girl, Caley, and you’re one of the smartest girls I’ve ever met. You shouldn’t feel the way you do about yourself.”
“I hate myself,” I told him, surprised that I was being so honest. “I hate the way I look, and I hate the way things have turned out in my life. I wish I could be smarter, prettier, and just overall better.”
“Low self-esteem is something a lot of girls have. I’ve never understood why,” he said, like it was a fact, no condescension in his tone.
I shrugged. “I’ve always felt this way. Joey dulled the hate for a while, but now that things are so horrid between us, it’s come back tenfold.”
“What happened to you guys?” he asked.
“Life,” I told him. “We grew up. Neither of us are the same people we were when we were in high school. We are two totally different people. If I say blue, he says orange. If I want one kind of food, he wants another. We fight over everything, and it breaks my heart. At first, it was just over little things, but then the little things turned into bigger things. Now, we’re at the point where everything is just one big battle.”