I shook my head. “Please just go. I need to get home.”
“Every part of me is screaming not to let you go face him alone. Is he always like that?”
“Sometimes, he is. Then, other times, he’s fine.” I impatiently tapped the steering wheel. “It doesn’t even matter right now. Please get out. I’ve got to get home.”
Ethan shook his head as he opened the door. “If he lays a finger on you, you call me. I mean it. I won’t let him hurt you.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, knowing I would be anything but. Once our fight started, fine wouldn’t be a word I could use to describe myself.
Ethan climbed out and closed the door behind him. I waved once before quickly pulling away from his house.
I drove like a madwoman all the way home, cutting the fifteen-minute drive down to ten. I was still shaking when I pulled into the parking lot and shut off my car. Praying that Joey wouldn’t be angry, I climbed out of the car and all but ran up to our apartment.
When I opened the door, Joey was sitting on the couch with Amelia playing on the floor in front of him. I was relieved to see that she wasn’t crying.
“Where have you been?” he demanded as soon as the door shut.
“I told you, I was driving around.”
“Why the hell didn’t you answer your phone?” His voice was barely controlled.
“I took back roads, and I lost service. When I realized my hour was up, I turned around and came back home.”
“I told you, an hour, Caley! It’s been an hour and a half. It’s bullshit that you lied to me and stayed out longer than we’d agreed to.”
“I’m sorry!” I said, not really meaning the words, only saying them in hopes of placating him.
“Sorry isn’t good enough!” he shouted.
Amelia stopped playing with her toys and looked up at Joey. Her face turned downward into a frown before she burst into tears.
“Now see what you’ve done?” I said as I hurried over to her. I scooped her up into my arms and held her close, whispering soothing words into her ear.
“What I’ve done? I wouldn’t have been this pissed if you had kept your end of the deal!” Joey shouted as he jumped to his feet. “You know what? Screw you, Caley. I’m out of here.”
I watched as he stormed across the room and opened the front door. When he slammed it shut behind him, I winced at the sound, and Amelia’s crying intensified. It took me several minutes to get her to calm down. By then, Joey had been long gone. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved. Having him storm out of our apartment was a much better option than him sticking around to yell at me over and over again.
Still, I couldn’t stop the tears from running down my cheeks. In that moment, I hated him so much. I hated myself, too.
Ethan was right. I was weak. I knew I was, but that didn’t mean I would ever be able to do anything about it.
The next morning, I was able to leave Amelia with my mother. Amelia usually spent the days at my parents’, but her teething was so bad that I had decided to stay home with her.
Normally, I dreaded going to work in the mornings. I considered any time before noon an unreasonable time to be conscious. But after days of being trapped at home with a screaming baby, I’d practically skipped out of the house that morning.
I spent the morning catching up on paperwork I’d missed when I was off. I loved my dad, but paperwork wasn’t one of his strong suits. Once that was finished, I focused on stocking the shelves in the parts room and the floor room. I was checking inventory in the back when a message from Ethan popped up on my phone.
Everything okay?
I checked to make sure no one was nearby before I responded.
Yep.
How was he last night?
Pissed, but it wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. He yelled for a little bit, but then he took off. He didn’t come home until after Amelia and I were in bed. He didn’t talk to me then or even this morning.
I was worried about you. I almost texted, but I was afraid he might see it. I didn’t want to cause you more problems.
I’m sorry I didn’t let you know that things were okay. I was busy with Amelia all evening.
It’s okay. Just glad you’re okay.
I smiled down at my phone, touched that he’d been so worried about me.
Thanks for being such a good friend and for worrying about me. I know I dropped a lot of personal shit on your lap yesterday. I appreciate the fact that you didn’t run away, screaming.
No problem. I meant what I said last night. If you need anything from me, all you have to do is ask.
I know. Again, thank you. I need to get back to work, but I’ll talk to you later, okay?
Sure. I’ll talk to you soon.
I shoved my phone back into my pocket and resumed working on stocking inventory, a smile lingering on my face. Ethan was helping me more than he could ever realize. He was making my days brighter just by taking the time to check on me and even carry on a conversation with me. It was strange how happy I could feel when I spoke with him. For the first time in a long time, I felt almost human again.
For the next few weeks, Ethan and I fell into a routine. We would text back and forth throughout the day while we were at work. Once I made it home, we would text if Joey wasn’t paying attention to me, which was most of the time. On the random evenings when he decided I was worthy of his attention, I would text the word red to Ethan, and he’d know it wasn’t safe to talk.
I felt a twinge of guilt over the fact that I was sneaking around behind Joey’s back, but I pushed it aside. Rekindling my friendship with Ethan brought me far more joy than I had ever experienced, and I was unwilling to let it go even if that meant hiding it from Joey. I knew he’d never understand why I’d suddenly decided to start talking to Ethan again. If Joey knew just how often Ethan and I messaged each other, Joey would force me to stop. There was no way I would let that happen.
I’d been learning a lot about Ethan. Most of the things we messaged about were insignificant, but I clung to every bit of information he had given me. He had been opening up to me, showing me who he really was.
Some days, we’d talk about Joey, usually after a particularly bad fight. Other days, we’d never mention him. It was strange to show so much of myself to someone, but I trusted Ethan more than I trusted anyone else. It was funny to think that, only a few weeks before, I hadn’t spoken to him at all. It seemed he had wormed his way into my life with almost no effort at all. Our friendship was as easy as breathing.
Amelia’s teething pains had finally subsided, and that had also brought me great relief. My now seven-month-old baby girl was back to her happy self. I’d spend my evenings playing with her on the living room floor, or we’d go out for a walk. Pushing her in her stroller, I would follow the sidewalks around town. I’d told Joey I needed the exercise, but that was only half the truth. I used our walks as a way to escape our home life. In a way, it helped both of us. It seemed the less we were around each other, the less we’d fight.