“No problem.” The other woman scooped up the bil , went to the cash register, and brought back change.
“I’ve seen that look before. Worn it a time or two myself.”
Chloe’s grin was weak, but at least she managed a smile at al . She tried to tel herself every day would get better, get easier, but she didn’t think it would be that simple. She’d always been so careful in her relationships to not get in too deep, to not need too much. Now that she’d fal en and fal en hard, it was going to take a long time to recover. She couldn’t even imagine a relationship after Merek. It made her stomach cramp to consider it.
The bartender slid a drink in front of her and then kindly left her to her misery. Closing her eyes, Chloe took the first sip, let the honey rol over her tongue along with the sharp bite of alcohol.
Gods, just the flavor of it warmed the pit of her bel y, and stil managed to make her insides ache with longing. She sighed, her breath ruffling the surface of the liquid. Taking a couple of deep chugs, she welcomed the burn. A final toast. To her great fal . It had hurt when she’d crash-landed, but she’d survive.
She’d survived a lot lately, so she knew this wouldn’t kil her. She’d pick up the pieces and move on, but for a long, long time this would be a gaping wound within her.
The chorus of voices in her head began to murmur. Merek. merek. MEREK.
As if she needed her clairaudience’s reminder of why she was here. Ignoring the mental noise, she took the final swig of her drink and looked up to motion for the bartender. “Can I get another one?”
“Actual y, she’s just about to leave, so she doesn’t need anything.” Merek’s sub-bass voice managed to cut through the din of music. “Can you close out her tab?”
The vampire shook her head, flashing a wary look at Merek. “That was her first drink, and she paid cash for it.”
“Great. Thanks.” He closed his fingers around Chloe’s arm and tugged her off of her stool; the neon lights emphasized the angles of his face and the harshness of his expression. He didn’t appear at al happy.
“Come on, Chloe.”
Looked like she wasn’t going to avoid the Dear Jane talk. He’d just wanted to dump her in person instead of over the phone. She sighed and left a generous tip on the bar. “Thanks for the drink.”
“Come back any time.” A bit of sympathy shone in the other woman’s gaze as she glanced between Chloe and Merek.
“I wil .” Though she knew she wouldn’t. After tonight, she’d never be able to come back here. It would remind her too much of Merek, and after the closing discussion they were about to have, one more reminder of him would just be too much for her.
The bright streetlights outside il uminated his face better than the neon inside. He looked like hel . His eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, and though he appeared clean and healthy, his clothes were ripped and stained with things she didn’t even want to identify. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in days, and lines of exhaustion carved grooves beside his eyes and mouth.
He was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.
And he wasn’t for her. Not anymore. She looked anywhere except at him as he escorted her to his car and helped her in. The moment he slid into the driver’s seat, she rushed into speech. “Alex and Tess are doing wel .”
He cleared his throat. “I know. I cal ed.”
“Alex said you’d checked in on him.” The words were stilted, painful. He hadn’t cal ed her, hadn’t cared to find out if she was al right. So, why did he have to put her through this? The answer would splinter her into a mil ion unrecognizable pieces, and after al the upheaval of these last weeks, she just wasn’t brave enough to ask. It wasn’t like him to be cruel, but he’d want to make sure it was okay to stay in touch with Alex. Her stomach clenched into a hard knot. That was something Merek would do—he was too good a man to lead her on or to abandon a boy who worshipped him.
He control ed the car with his characteristic quiet competence as he navigated the streets on the way to her house. “Alex said you’re adopting him.”
“Yeah.” She stared out the windshield, but managed a smal smile. “I sicced my Aunt Mil ie’s evil lawyer on the Al -Magickal Council to get it pushed through as soon as possible.”
“The adoption people aren’t going to know what hit them.” Listening to him in the dark was so familiar, so sweet and good she wanted to cry. Instead, she straightened her spine and clenched her fingers around her evening bag.
“As long as I get what I want, they can have a little tailspin hissy fit over it.”
He snorted. “Why am I not surprised?”
“I’m a Standish. Why would anyone be surprised?” A sigh of relief eased out of her when they pul ed up to the curb in front of her house. Thank the gods. She could escape soon.
“Are you going to look at me?” His deep voice was low and strained.
She hummed in her throat because she had no idea how to answer that. The fact that he hadn’t cal ed her was like a spreading bruise inside her, so she chose silence over accusations or tears. How could they have been together for weeks yet he didn’t care enough to check in with her? Selina or Alex or Mil ie or even the hospital staff would have told him she was alive, but that wasn’t the same as talking to her and finding out how she was real y doing.
Sucking in a deep breath, she focused on his hands on the steering wheel because she couldn’t meet those gray eyes. “Okay, here it is. I’m adopting Alex, but I want you to feel comfortable being involved in his life. I know you love him, and he adores you, so even though this—” she waved a hand between them “— isn’t going anywhere, I don’t want you to think I’m going to try to keep you and Alex apart. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” He swal owed twice, his knuckles white as he gripped the wheel. “I guess . . . that answers al the questions I had then.”
“Wel . . . good. I’m glad we got that settled.” She fumbled for her door handle, her bel y twisting so hard she thought she might puke. That confirmed that, didn’t it? Game over. Al he wanted from her now was Alex. She was safe; his duty was done, so this thing between them was done, too. She tried to tel herself it was what she’d expected al along, that she was ready for the pain, but she was wrong. It was crippling, blinding.
“Settled . . . yeah.” He turned off the car, let go of the wheel, got out, and came around to open her door for her. She leaped away from his helping hand and scurried along in front of him as he walked her up the steps to her door. The last thing she wanted was for him to touch her. She’d break down and just lose it al over him.
She straightened her shoulders, unlocked her front door, and tossed her purse on the smal table in the entryway. Turning to face him, she stood in the open door so it was clear he wasn’t invited in. They could finish this little chat outside. She just prayed her voice didn’t shake when she spoke. “Was there anything else you needed before you left?”
There. That was good. Polite, calm. She could do this for Alex, no matter how it pained her.
“You,” he said softly. The color of his eyes was the deep gray of the sky before a storm. “I need you. No matter how hard I try to run away from that fact, I can’t escape it. I’m always going to need you.” His voice was a grating rasp, and he set his hands on her shoulders, gripping so tight it hurt. “I fucked up, in so many ways, but I love you, Chloe, and I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“You . . . you love me?” Somehow hearing him say the words was like taking a swift blow. It bowled her over, left her reeling. She’d been so sure he would never come for her. She was safe, and he could escape his nightmare. The end. A tear spil ed over her lashes, and she dashed it away, a sob hitching her breath.