But peripheral consideration; usually unexpected, often funny (sometimes over head), only occasionally irritating. A plus, generally. I think.
However, further problem exists, presenting complications of another order of magnitude entirely: Adam interested in initiating repopulation project. Immediately or sooner. Wants to get me on my Bach. (Actually, “obsessed with” probably more accurate descriptive than “interested in.”) If, at given moment, somehow fails to be in midst of straightforward proposition, is hinting. Broadly. Constantly.
Initially broached (figuratively speaking) subject while describing rigors of growing up rich (still at same first breakfast — as I sat there, hardly 16 hours postcoma; barely alive; pale, thin ghost of former self):
“…so even after both the grand jury and congressional committee absolved me of responsibility, the school withdrew permission to park the Lamborghini in the student lot, I had to be driven to class every day, everybody knew, it was terribly embarrassing, how long will it be before you’re recovered enough to sleep with me?”
Paused; glanced from corner of eye, then quickly away; waited for reaction. And waited. And waited…
Because object of affection having difficulty making mouth work. Reaction complicated: First, was dumbfounded; totally unexpected conversational turn, straight out of blue. Second, genuine no-foolin’ proposition something with which, at my age, have had little — oh, all right! — no experience. Third, blasé expectation — nay; cavalier assumption — of automatic assent quite took breath away — haven’t even decided to keep him yet…!
Went from startlement to shock, directly thence to offended feminine sensibilities; but hesitated momentarily, reflecting before venting feelings — all in space of single breath. Concluded, after brief deliberation, probably not Adam’s fault. Entirely. From wrong side of tracks, after all; can’t be expected to behave like normal person. Besides, is young, healthy; puberty in full cry, bursting with urges. Doubtless views me as Heaven-sent solution; perhaps even hard-won prize, considering effort invested in saving life — of which notion shall promptly disabuse him…!
(But consider parallel situation: If, when puppy does Terrible Thing in house, is immediately shot, replaced; is owner likely to end up with properly housebroken pet? Ever? Similarities existed here. Adam entitled to benefit of doubt during probationary/training period. Decided to let him live — pending…)
So closed mouth firmly; took deep breath, released deliberately; declined, with thanks.
“Oh, come on!” he coaxed heartily. “We’re both healthy young adults…”
(Histographer’s Note: Actually said “adults.”)
“…we like each other, and it’s just not healthy not to have a proper outlet for our tensions.”
Now, recognize would be considered “old enough” in certain (now departed) cultures. Granted; not disputing point (no implying that was reason departed). Further, addressing question from purely mechanical perspective, am very probably “big enough” as well.
However. Pragmatic as do try to be in every respect, find I cannot narrow down viewpoint; regard this question as solely practical matter — to say nothing of notion of debasing currency to point where becomes no more than casual recreation, temporary ennui remedy. True, not entitled to advance own opinion as expert — lack firsthand knowledge. Must rely upon instincts developed through exposure to Momma, Daddy, Teacher; their unvoiced opinions reflected in conduct toward selves, one another, world at large — and especially me.
No, cannot put finger on precise dates, times, places; nor words, acts underlying own attitude. But do know that ingrained into very being is conviction that sex is small-but-important part of very complicated whole; blending liking-respect-tenderness-caring-need-love-coitus with implied lifelong partnership-family commitment, babies optional.
Am not ready for babies: not physically, not emotionally — not now! Nor commitment. Yet. And if can’t cope with package in toto (including deliberate election to proceed to motherhood or not), then strongly misdoubt wisdom…
Well, can work up to it, step-by-step. And undoubtedly will (if do keep him). But not beginning with that step. Period. No matter what “practical considerations” might seem to dictate!
So initially sought to counter Adam’s enthusiasm with logic: Reminded him of age: Probably not fertile yet; and even if wanted to conceive at 11 — and don’t! — well-known amongst OB-GYN trade is fact that excessively young mothers produce generally frail, sickly offspring.
“I’m sure that was true of Homo sapiens women,” Adam replied with irritatingly comfortable superiority, as usual ignoring objection’s nontechnical aspect; “but how much data has been accumulated on us?”
(One of boy’s less appealing qualities: Instantly pounces on flawed reasoning; zooms in for kill without hesitation; gives no quarter, takes no prisoners.)
“No, I don’t know if it’s true of us,” I admitted. “How could I know? How could anybody know? Who would have had time to assemble a data base on us? Only a few hundred people knew about us at all, even before; and they didn’t have time…”
“Besides,” Adam interjected smoothly, “if you’re not fertile yet, then what does it matter? The only question we need to consider is whether it’s good for us; whether it will increase our chances of survival by improving our mental, emotional, and physical condition — which it will, you know; all the texts say so.
“But if even the possibility of conceiving, and the potential effect of your age on our child, really bothers you that much and you’d rather hold off starting a family, that’s easily dealt with. So there’s nothing to prevent us from enjoying the benefits of an active, healthy, satisfying physical relationship. See…?”
Open mouth to reply. Stopped. Noticed bottom-line issue well on way to vanishing amidst mechanics of debate. Quickly reviewed dialogue immediately preceding; concluded misdirection not accidental.
(Obviously Adam exposed to unsavory influences during impressionable years [perhaps too much time spent in company of mother’s state government cronies]; had picked up verbal shell game skills — plus who knows what other tools comprising basic political arsenal.)
Realized then: Might be well to watch step around Adam conversationwise. Always heretofore considered concept of “promise” sacrosanct, orientation which may prove liability: Would rather not find have agreed to something which, through failure to understand, follow transactional semantics to proper conclusion, binds me to something contrary to expectations, intentions.
So switched to more direct approach: “I don’t care whether it’s true or not. That isn’t the point. I’m too young — I’m not going to get involved in sex. Not now…!”
Like most H. post hominems, Adam has extremely sensitive hearing. But can be quite hard of listening: “Don’t get your Bach up,” he soothed. “I know, I know — this all has hit you pretty suddenly, and you haven’t had time to think it through. But you know as well as I do that there’re only the two of us. We don’t have a choice — we need each other. And even though ‘need’ is an awfully broad term, the heart of it, under these circumstances, is sex — I need you…!”