“I got involved with a girl almost your age during the time I was stationed in Ujjain. She was a street child: no parents, no means of support, starving, regularly raped. I took her in to protect her — that’s what I told myself. And for a good two months that’s just what I did. Then one night she turned up in my bed and matters continued predictably from there. She claimed she was 14 when we first became intimate — I have my doubts. ‘Love’ was not involved on either side; we were merely very fond of each other and had complementary needs: Hers were for food, shelter, and protection; mine were for companionship, someone to take care of, and a sexual outlet.
“When I was transferred, two years later, I left her with friends, a good family, with a trust fund to take care of her — in India, back then, it didn’t take much money to accomplish such things. Thereafter she married well and, by the time of the attack, had three children. I’ve never experienced any guilt at having ‘taken advantage of a child’; and if she harbored any resentment, she never gave any indication of it — then or since, and we corresponded regularly.
“In fact, she brought the subject up herself once in a letter shortly after the birth of her first son — women’s lib hadn’t gotten very far in India by then; sons were important. She observed that she had me to thank for her happiness: her husband, her son — her very life. It bothered her that she would never be able to repay the debt she felt she owed me; it disturbed her even more that she could never make me understand the magnitude of that debt.
“I mention her as an example of the variability of the concept of right and wrong, depending on place and time. That was there and then: It was socially acceptable.
“Now, before the attack — here and recently — I’d have been leading the tar-and-feather brigade myself if I got wind of someone my age suggesting sex with someone your age: It would have been wrong within the social structure that existed.
“However, this is here and now. That social structure no longer exists — and with it have disappeared the laws and mores of which it consisted. Right and wrong no longer have meaning except where specific individuals meet and apply them to issues affecting them both. All that remains is the principle of enlightened self-interest, when dealing with reasonable people, and superior-versus-inferior force otherwise.
“One of the key elements of enlightened self-interest is the principle of supply and demand. Anyone possessing a commodity for which there is a demand is in a position to set her own price.
“But price is a very delicate question, and requires knowledge of all the factors potentially bearing upon the transaction. One of the more important of those factors is the presence or absence of competition, and the importance of your offering to the marketplace. If your commodity isn’t particularly critical and there’s plenty of other outlets, setting your price too high merely means no demand. However, where you have a monopoly, you can set any price you like; and if it’s a really vital commodity, your customers will manage to scrape up the price, somehow.
“Or…” — Rollo fixed me with gimlet eye — “… if they perceive that you’re taking unfair advantage of your position, they may simply take it from you. By force.
“I’ve started out discussing abstracts,” he continued quietly; “but you know as well as I do that we’re talking about two specifics: you and sex. Like it or not, to every male over the age of ten you represent supply — a commodity. It’s not fair, I’ll grant you, but it is a fact: Through no fault of your own, you are in the position of holding the key to satisfying a need — an extremely urgent need. Unless you administer that commodity in a manner perceived by your market as fair and reasonable, you’re going to find yourself in frequent trouble, at best — at worst, and much more likely, you’re going to find out what it’s like to have control over your commodity taken from you. Yes, by force.”
Rollo noticed me slowly edging chair back from table. Possessed no inkling of real capabilities, intentions, should events continue in direction indicated; probably thought was preparing to bolt. But immediately sought to quiet fears.
“Please don’t get the idea that I would use force,” he stated emphatically. “I wouldn’t — ever. Sex with Sally was such a joy, so much just plain fun for both of us — I got at least as much pleasure from watching her enjoyment as from my own physical sensations — that I’d rather give it up entirely than have an unwilling partner, or even a grudging one.”
Paused, then, eyes closed. Expression unreadable, but impression of an empty space somehow materialized next to him. Briefly Rollo looked terribly alone.
Moment passed. Opened eyes; shook himself all over. “But,” he continued resolutely, “I am certainly in the minority in that regard. Hell, I’m probably unique.” Smiled wanly.
Assurance had desired calming effect: Relaxed, settled back in chair, watching alertly. Never truly concerned over outcome had Rollo offered to supplement advocacy with violence, but happier knowing demonstration unnecessary.
However, still on guard. Lecture circular so far, but surely headed somewhere. Had feeling already knew punch line.
“Now, during the brief time I’ve known you I’ve come to several conclusions: One, you are the de facto leader of this little party, despite being a few years Adam’s junior; because, I suspect, you know more about survival and life since the attack, and because you have specific goals in mind. Right?”
Adam nodded slowly, face a mask.
“Two, you’re terribly intelligent — both of you are; you’re at least as bright as I am. My advantage is limited to education and experience, and I wonder how much of an edge they really are. I’m pretty sure that you’ve already sized me up and you were thinking of asking me to join you in your search for the AAs — at least you were before this discussion began. Now you’re having second thoughts. But you know I’m widely traveled; have a broad practical background in life in general and survival under primitive conditions. You also know I’m a doctor. You know how valuable I’d be as a member of your party.
“Now, I would like to join you and help. However…” Rollo paused, choosing words with care; “I cannot and will not endure your company on a celibate basis if, after speculum examination, it is my professional opinion that you are physically capable of accepting me as a lover. If you can’t, fine; if you wouldn’t enjoy it, neither would I. Then I’ll take care of my physical tensions as I’ve been doing since losing Sally, and conduct myself as a member of the party anyway — and without reservation.
“But if you can and won’t, the distraction of your presence, constantly near and unattainable, will simply drive me around the bend; and I’m not going to subject myself to that kind of frustration.
“Yes, I know: If I had a decent bone in my body, I’d wait a while. The fact that you met Adam, and now me, lends credence to Soo Kim’s thesis: There are people out there, somewhere, and surely there’ll be women my age among them; it’s just a matter of finding them. But who knows how long that might take — I could be dead tomorrow. You, on the other hand, are here now; and I’ve been a disciple of the ‘bird-in-the-hand’ school for a very long time.
“I know that’s not a chivalrous attitude, and I’m not proud of it; but I am a realist, and I know myself.