'Sir?', came the voice of Harry in the entrance hall. 'Sir, I believe you have my son's new bride here'. And, as will be guessed, it was my father-in-law…' 'There is a young lady of some repute who may be such. She is our guest, and not on sufferance. Need I say more? I bid you good day, sir. Your presence is unwelcome here, will not be suffered, and is not to be repeated. Unless, of course, you are invited, which I doubt would be the case'. 'Look here! I say!' 'A strange thing to say, indeed. I have no cause to look, and no desire. Pray notice that my sword has a fine edge to it and would trim your coat to tatters if you tried to enter'. 'I shall bring help, sir-village constables!' 'There is but one. He likes his port, I know, and often quaffs a glass here at the servant's door.
Emily! You wish to leave?' I skipped my way across the carpet and peered through the door along the hall. The bluff face stared into my own. His way was barred. 'I do not, no. Papa will be here shortly and will see me home-thanks to the message I have sent him', I replied, and lied more glibly than I knew I could. 'You have your answer, sir-begone!', said Harry, and then closed the door. A shout was heard of uttermost dismay. As Harry turned away, the letterbox was opened, and my father-in-law's voice-more strangulated than I was wont to hear-called through that Arnold would be woebegone. 'He is already-underneath his trousers mostly', I replied, then flushed a little at my daring and retreated. Aramintha laughed and rose and kissed my cheek. I envied her composure that she had not stirred before. 'Is that the real reason that you left?', she asked.
'I think it not', said Harry. Entering, he closed the door. 'You did not hear all, my dear. The girls were rousted-playfully perhaps, but with too much gusto, and too soon. Arnold did his duty by his sister, not his bride'. 'Really? Oh, what excitement! Did he do her in your sight?', she asked. 'The world is full of strangeness, Aramintha, as are dreams'. I thought of what Papa has said about the latter, but could not spin out his words. 'Oh, DO go on! I really am shy, but I love to hear of naughtiness. You mean, you only dreamt it, or you saw it done? I have hidden behind screens myself and seen the wickedest of things. Do you remember, Harry…?
Oh, but Emily, you tell us first'. 'Yes, do', said Jane. She had always loved to try and egg me on, and saw her chance for it. 'He is a plaything for his sisters, that is all, and- weakling as he is-is cozened by his Mama. I suspect her to have made him come herself. I would not put it past her now. He had his younger sister on her bed, and bottom-up she was'. 'By jove, he corked her!', Harry interrupted and thus saved me from saying it. 'Such things are done, but not on the first day of marriage-heavens, no!', said Aramintha, as though such things were absolutely de rigueur unless they happened afterwards: a decent interval-perhaps two days, or three, I thought sarcastically, and yet I warmed to her. Her eyes were warm, her tone was kind. Had I really sent for my Papa, she asked, and I confessing that I had not, we were invited as 'eternal guests', this meaning, so she said, that once we had taken hospitality beneath her roof, we might do so forevermore. The following night there would be guests, she added, whereupon both Jane and I declared our lack of right attire. 'Harry will see to it. Take Jenkins, dearest, he is somewhere lurking, as he ever is', said she to him, whereat her husband drew upon a bellcord, summoned in the maid, demanded tea and the appearance of the said one. In two minutes he appeared-a giant of a man with lumbering stride, cap held in both his hands. His eyes appeared not to notice Jane and I, but I felt us both well taken in. His manly bulge was heavy underneath rough trouser cloth. 'How long have you been with me, Jenkins? Ten inches, is it? Oh no, I beg the pardon of all here! I had intended to say months, of course. The master has a job for you. A little journey and a stern stand such as you produce always upon demand. There are valises, trunks, to be procured, belonging to these young ladies. These together with a maiden of the household, I should say. Constance is her name. Your master will say her presence is required by Emily and Jane. Now you may go. Wait in attendance, quaff your beer.' 'Yes, ma'am. I will that, ma'am. And thankee ma'am'. 'What?', I began, but tea was served. I waited for the maid to go. 'Why, simple is it not? I have taken into care young ladies in the past. Constance, from what you tell us, merits just a little thereof-then she may return', said Aramintha, sipping from her pink and white bone china cup. 'Aha! So you will warm her bottom! Good!', Jane laughed.
'I shall, indeed-and then…' She halted, dipped her spoon into the sugar bowl and nibbled the white grains. 'Shyness, you see', said Harry in the manner of a doctor pronouncing on a patient. 'What Aramintha meant to say, and which she has the will to say, but cannot bring herself to speak of it, is that Jenkins is better provided than are many men. Ten inches, that is, as she chanced to say. I have not measured it myself, he added hastily, 'but many is the lady whose natural needs he has had the girth and length to satisfy. Not in a lordly fashion-no, course that could not be the case, but with due deference, and always from the rear in order that the lady's lips are not besmirched by his. I have never known him kiss a female, dear, have you?', he asked his wife. 'Good heavens, Harry, no! That would be absolutely… Positively, no! Mama knew a young valet once, quite handsome, too, but that was an otherness. You do not mind this conversation, dears, I hope?', she asked. 'At home we speak of it. Well-sometimes, just a little, yes', said Jane, whereat two pairs of eyes were quite a-sparkle. As to myself, I smiled in order to conceal the faint confusion that I felt. 'When one is civilised one does. How fearful are the houses where a total primness holds! As for myself, I have never come upon a cloud of golden primnesses', Harry remarked with a deft literary touch that I was pleased to recognise. I had thought myself as wandering just like Mr.
Wordsworth's cloud before, but now felt more at ease. 'Jane wanted to see my husband's prick,' I said, and giggled suddenly, hand at my mouth. 'And did you, Jane? I say, what fun! My dears, let us not dissemble any more. Jenkins will service Constance after Aramintha has warmed her bottom up like toast. As for myself-dear Emily, I confess myself to have been entranced at the first sight of you. Constance will be sent back, her cunny bubbling with his sperm.
May I then entertain you-yes?' 'Say yes!', begged Aramintha. I received a nudge from Jane upon the sofa where we sat. 'I shall be treated kindly in your hands-I have no doubt', I murmured, 'but as yet I have not, have not- well, I have not. 'Never, almost, or not quite?', asked Aramintha in surprise. 'All-if you want the truth', laughed Jane before I could summon up reply. 'I have both eyes and ears', she said on meeting my enquiring look. 'My dear…', said Harry and all eyes turned to him. 'These young beauties must be a trifle tired from their exertions. May I suggest we deal with Constance on the morrow? To that purpose, Jenkins and I will visit in the morning. In that way, too, the wretched tribe will believe that Emily and Jane have reconsidered overnight and wish to make their peace'. 'Excellent, yes!', said Aramintha. She had a bright look in her eyes. 'Oh good! We can relax!', said Jane, whereat our hostess gave her a beguiling glance and said that she would show her to her room, while Harry could attend on me. 'Permit me, Emily', said Harry. He rose and offered me his arm. Aramintha beckoned Jane to her. I saw my sister use the same endearing, slouching step as she walked to the divan. Aramintha reached up and took her hand, Jane standing like a schoolgirl, looking down at her. Over my shoulder, as I left the room on Harry's arm, I saw her sink down, and they tenderly embraced.