The high washout rate, both voluntarily and otherwise, had given those who remained an extra feeling of pride and accomplishment. The initial life and training was intended to be rough, and it was—but those who survived it felt closer to each other and the church than ever. They felt like something special and had pride in themselves and their work.
Tomorrow a group numbering more than eighty would request ordination. Most would be given it without question, but a few would not, and it was those whom she wished to see that evening. These were the few that the teachers and psychologists suggested might be wrong for the job, and they required a different evaluation. Now Sister Kasdi sat in her barren Office, Mervyn’s stuffed chair dematerialized back into energy, and waited for the first of the nine who had been sent for this final process.
The first girl entered, wearing only the white sheet-like garment that was all the acolytes were allowed. She looked very nervous, as was to be expected. She was a tall, gangly young woman, rather plain in appearance. She stood there, staring at the saint behind the table, a touch of awe in her face despite the situation.
“Child—tell me, why do you wish to become a priestess?” Kasdi asked pleasantly. All acolytes were referred to as “child” and “children” while here. “By that I mean, what made you choose to come here and undergo the training rather than something else someplace else?”
“Uh, Sister, I—I had no life in Anchor Chalee. I never had any close friends, and never any boyfriends. I wanted to do something important with my life, something that would do good and make folks look up to me. My marks were pretty good, though nothing great. This seemed like the place I had to be.”
Kasdi nodded, mostly to herself. Although she was using a spell to divine the truth, she was not compelling it. The brutal honesty of the girl was refreshing, if a bit too honest. She clearly had very low self-esteem, and that was not good. Her motives weren’t wrong in and of themselves, but they contained no dedication to the spiritual at all.
“You have been frank, so I will be, too,” Kasdi responded. “The Sisters see absolutely no devotion or dedication to the Holy Mother and the spreading of Her plan. Instead, they see someone who wishes security and a sorority. What do you say to that?”
“I’ve had the finest experience of my life here these past two years.”
“Perhaps that’s true, but might it not be because here, for the first time, you were totally socially equal to the others? Still, you have stayed the entire course and even excelled in much of it. We cannot just summarily throw you out. I propose a bit of a final test for you.”
The acolyte swallowed hard. “A test, Reverend Sister?”
“Yes. There is a stringer train due to go out of here tomorrow evening. It is not going back to Anchor Chalee, but over to Anchor Logh, but any Anchor will do for this. You will be given some money and a wardrobe, and you will depart with that train. Go into the Anchor and take a holiday. Return to the world. Relax. Do not check in with the Church or tell anyone you are an acolyte. Remain a minimum of two weeks, but stay as long as you wish. Only—keep the vows as you can. See if you can ward off temptation. See if, after that time there, you can bring yourself to return here.”
“Yes, Reverend Sister.”
Kasdi could read her thoughts in her facial expression and tone. “You think it will be easy. Don’t believe it. It would be easy under normal circumstances, but this will not be normal. I have used my powers to change you. See.”
A mirror appeared against the far wall, and the young woman turned and gasped. Kasdi had not turned her into a raving beauty, but she was rather cute and pleasant-looking, perhaps a hair above average. It was, however, more than enough for the acolyte, and she stared in wonder and admiration at the reflection until the mirror faded out.
“If you do not return here, you will continue to look like that. If you do return, you will revert to your original appearance. It is a pleasantry from the church for giving it two years of your life. It is also a test—not of faith, but of commitment to the church. If your true interest is service, you will return. No questions will be asked of your behavior, and your sins will be between you, your confessor, and the Holy Mother. If you return, you will be ordained. That is all.”
The acolyte backed out, then turned and was quickly away. Kasdi expected she would never be seen in or near Hope again, but she had occasionally been proven wrong.
The next girl was the opposite of the first in every way. Most of the young women who volunteered for the priesthood were average, some below average, in appearance, and many just saw themselves that way. The personality quirks of the first girl would hardly have disqualified her, since most had personal goals and reasons for choosing this life, but it was her total lack of any feeling at all for the spiritual mission that had caused the problem.
This one was a mystery. Even in her white sheet, she was absolutely beautiful, totally feminine, and in anybody’s book she might be called over-endowed. Her voice was as soft and as beautiful as her form. It always amazed Kasdi when somebody looking like this applied as an acolyte. Her own adolescence had been more like the first girl’s, and she would have killed at one time for this one’s looks. Still, she asked the same question.
“Child, why did you come here and why do you wish to join the priesthood?”
“It—it’s difficult to explain, Reverend Sister.”
“Try me. You’ve been asked this and answered this a thousand times before.”
The girl sighed. “Well, all those times I’ve had people just shake their heads. I’m pretty. I know it. I’ve always been what everybody calls beautiful. The trouble is, that’s all anybody ever saw. I couldn’t walk into an Anchor and open a door—men would jump to open it for me—or do much of anything for myself. I applied for a number of jobs, and passed all the tests, but when I was interviewed, all they saw was my looks. In some cases they just decided I had to be dumb or something, and rejected me. In others, they were more than eager to take me on, but I could see why and I knew what they were really hiring. But I’m smart, and I think I can do good things, if only people would take me for myself, not for my looks.”
Kasdi thought about it. Intellectually she could understand the problem, but emotionally it was pretty tough to think of brains and beauty as anybody’s curse. “But why the priesthood?”
“I got to thinking about it all after that, and walking past the temple, I suddenly got a thought. Maybe it was supposed to be this way. I can serve the Holy Mother, and serve humanity, too, by putting my brains to work. And if my beauty gives me an edge in attracting sinners and talking to them, then it becomes an asset, but not with sex and lust as its end-product. You see?”
Kasdi nodded, and thought about it. “The reason you’re here, you know, is exactly such doubts. We don’t doubt your mind, your devotion, or your reasons. I feel you would be a credit to the church. Our problem is you over the long run. The vow and binding spell of celibacy is absolute, but it does not transform you into a neuter. To do that would be to deny your womanhood and forfeit your humanity. As a result, we all still feel the same attractions, urges, and needs as all women do. Being forbidden to act on them can make the pressure inside enormous. We fear for your sanity. Have you thought about this?”