Eventually, I slept. I dreamed of Stone and Thimble. When I woke, I wondered what they were doing, whether they missed me at all or if they still nursed righteous indignation about my exile. I missed them, regardless. They had been my best friends from the first.
That morning, I also discovered we’d been right to dislike Pearl. Her voice carried from the other room; I’m sure she didn’t know I was awake.
“You can stay as long as you like, of course, for old time’s sake. But I don’t have enough food to provide for your friends. I’m sorry.”
Fade said, “Don’t worry, we won’t be long. I just need to finish looking over these maps.”
So he was already working on finding the library. Good. I started to sit up, and then froze at her next words.
“I wish you wouldn’t go,” Pearl said softly. “I’ve thought of you often. I know your father wouldn’t want you to leave me alone.”
There was something off about her, something wrong, and not just because she was trying to talk him into abandoning me. I thought being by herself might’ve driven her crazy. I didn’t like the way she looked at Fade.
His tone was gentle, almost conciliatory. “You’ve been fine all these years. Deuce can’t make it without me.”
I set my jaw. I didn’t want him sticking with me out of pity. With Tegan’s knowledge of the surface, and my ability to fight, we’d probably be fine. I almost said so, but then I’d have to admit I was pretending to be asleep so I could listen to them.
“Safe doesn’t mean fine. I’m lonely, Semyon.”
“Don’t call me that,” he said. “He died in the dark. And maybe what I meant when I said that about Deuce is I don’t want to do without her.”
Oh. My heart made that funny little turn again, as if I were frightened, but it was better and warmer than that.
“I see.” Her voice went sharp and hard, covering hurt or some darker emotion. “Then whenever you’re ready to go.”
“I’m set. Thanks for your hospitality and the use of your father’s maps.”
I sat up then and nudged Tegan. Her hair tumbled into her face, making her look younger than she had before, too young to have suffered what she had with the gangers. Maybe she’d never be Stone or Thimble, but I already knew we would be close friends.
“I think we’ve outstayed our welcome,” I muttered.
She assessed me and then whispered, “Did you hear him?”
Mutely I nodded, and her smile made me feel both pleased and ridiculous. It shouldn’t matter that he’d picked me, but … it did. From her expression, she knew it. I wondered that she could trust us, even a little bit. Maybe, like Jengu, she didn’t trust anyone completely, but we were better than anything she’d known since her family died.
By the time he came out of the back room, Tegan and I were ready to go. We both mouthed the right words to Pearl, but she just wanted us gone. I’m sure she felt rejected by Fade, but she hadn’t spent long nights in the tunnels with him, or guarded his back when Freaks were determined to eat him. All she had to offer were maps, and he didn’t need those forever. Apparently, he did need me. I quietly savored the feeling.
Outside, the night was chilly. My breath puffed from between my lips and I blew it out several times to make sure it wasn’t a coincidence. The shirt I wore had an extra bit of fabric at the back so I tugged it up and was pleased to find it covered my head. Tegan did the same, as we wore matching clothes, just in different colors.
Fade guided the way back toward the water. I heard it and smelled it before I saw it. Instead of going down toward the wider body, he turned toward a narrow channel that angled into the land itself.
He read the puzzlement in my face and explained, “If we follow the river, it’ll take us nearly all the way there.”
Another new word. River. I stored it away. “You memorized where the library should be?”
“If you’re ready, we’ll go find it.”
“And maybe some answers,” Tegan added.
Together, we set out on the next leg of our journey.
Enlightenment
The trip took half the night. Where the river twisted and turned, so did we. This part of the ruins was quiet, a place where the spirits of the dead ghosted on the wind and whispered across my skin. So much had been lost. I marveled at the size of it all and tried to work out the purpose of the buildings we passed.
I liked the gentle light of what Fade called the moon. Tonight it had swelled from when we first came Topside.
“Will it get bigger?” I asked.
He followed my gaze upward with a faint smile. “Yes. It turns into a perfect circle. Sometimes it’s silver and sometimes it can glow almost orange. Other times it’s golden, but never as bright as the sun.”
I didn’t like the sun. Neither Tegan nor Fade seemed bothered by it as I was, but I hated the thing. I thought it might well burn me up, if given the chance. When it set fire to the sky, I wanted to hide, or I might end up like a chunk of meat on Copper’s spit, all the juices crackling out of me. I tried to hide the worst of my fear because I didn’t want them to think I was weak.
Tall, abandoned buildings surrounded us. Green covered the sides, growing in along the stone and rock. Parts had crumbled away from lack of care, showing the insides. I had the wild idea we could climb up, as if over the bones of a great beast. I had to pick my way carefully, avoiding enormous holes and sunken bits of rock. The plants had grown wild here for so long, they had reclaimed the whole area: Tall ones Fade called trees and long ones he named grass that flowed in the wind as if brushed by invisible hands.
Eventually we came upon an enormous structure built from gray rocks. It too had been claimed by the green; a web of leaves wound up the sides. A vast number of broken steps led up to the gaping doors, and two giant stone monsters guarded the entrance. I eyed them warily. We all stopped and stared. Unlike the others, this place had an air of majesty, even in its disrepair. I could tell great things had happened here.
“And this whole place is full of books?” Tegan asked.
“It’s supposed to be. That’s what my dad said.”
She studied her feet. “My mom didn’t talk to me much, unless she was saying, ‘Be quiet, they’re coming’ or ‘We have to run now.’”
“What was she like?”
“My mom?” At my nod, she grew thoughtful. “She looked like me, but she was always scared. I don’t think I ever saw her when she wasn’t.”
If I had a brat to protect, I’d be scared too. Fade mounted the stairs at a run, as if trying to flee the memories Tegan’s words evoked. Or maybe now that we were here, he was just eager to find out what secrets the building contained. So was I.
The doors had been broken at some point. No paint marred the exterior, so this wasn’t ganger territory — a lucky break for us. But someone had been desperate to get inside. We stepped from the chill into a dark stillness. I could tell there were books all over the place, a few still on the enormous wall of shelves, but mostly they had been torn, broken and flung around, as if by wild animals. A certain smell made me think some might be nesting here.
“We’ll have to wait for daylight before we can read anything,” Fade said.
I agreed with a nod. “But should we check the place out while we do?”