In the end, Azazello, emissary of Woland, the devil, gives MARGARITA a magical unguent that will enable her to fly. THELONIOUS, too, will one day fly, before LINDA’S astonished eyes.
MEMORY BUFFER. It’s an instant of seeing yourself from the outside, holding your breath while it happens. It allows us to postpone, for a thousandth of a second, the experience of the smiling face, and receive it steadily, free of the trembling of our hands. It allows for a minimum interval of certainty between the eye and the real image, a lapse of time that is sufficient to work it through entirely and render it in improved form, ready to be digested. It is a gulf of temporary oblivion, a subtle snare, a pass of the prestidigitator’s hand. (LINDA would film our entire journey through Crimea. I showed her how to do this with my camcorder, the latest model, complete with MEMORY BUFFER.)
“I want to show you how the instant camera works, too.” (The machine whirring in my hands.) “Look at this,” I said, handing her the shot. “Those are your legs.” (LINDA’S agile legs encased in jeans, slender and rounded, much preferable to the sight of them unclad: ugly prolongations of the torso finished off with feet, her toes joined to each other by a membrane: the mallard’s webbed feet.)
“Don’t you think they’re easier to see there, in the photo?”
I. “Stay, swift instant, you are so fair!” How difficult it is to put down on paper the deep sorrow, the sad evocation of unhappy love, that a song evokes when it moves us for a moment. It’s always while we’re living, never while we’re remembering the past, that we would like to be conceded the grace of an eternal moment. We can’t imagine that Goethe uttered this phrase as he read an obscure poet of the Ming dynasty in the solitude of his study. Only when we breathe happily beneath a blue sky do we want to halt time, to withstand every one of its tiniest recesses.
But time’s nature is inapprehensible; it remains deep in the background of our lives and, incapable of observing it objectively from the present moment, we know nothing, in the end, of its fierce transit. Only when we spend an idle moment leafing through old fashion magazines do we discover the degree to which that humanity, those others so different from ourselves, entered into contact with eternity. For the fashion that dictates a certain type of hairstyle — a feeling of well-being when attired in a made-to-measure suit, throatily tra-la-la-ing with all the exaltation of an opera singer, some tune from the last movie we saw — frees us from our fears about what was and what will be, to live in a perfect, orgiastic present.
a) In order to put past time — the old fashions — to the test, I have a scratched record with the songs I once enjoyed, a test-record. Each time I listen to it, there is, between today’s “I” and the song that only yesterday filled me to my brim, an immense space, difficult to conceive of. The bass is no longer today’s bass, so juicy, so pectoral; the highs are scandalously strident, the voices saccharine, the keyboards tinny. “What’s missing here?” I wonder, displeased by this pallid music and the answer is: life is missing. Life, seasoned with the salt of frivolity, which is like the water we add to these dry, dehydrated songs to make them appetizing.
The idea of the past, the history of the universe, would be incomplete without this slight adjustment. The sensation of well-being — between sheets whose colorful patterns are designed to accord with the feeling of a today that already, by tomorrow, will be an embarrassing yesterday when it sees itself reflected with appalling fidelity in the photos of yesteryear and the collections of “oldies but goodies” advertised on the RADIO — is the principal motor of existence. Trivial, yes: but then life is, too.
MOON WALK. One afternoon we stopped at a pension in Yevpatoriya, beside the sea. As night fell, we strolled down to the little square with its dance floor where older couples, clearly VILLAGERS, circled slowly, as if they were herding the foreign rhythms that poured forth inexorably from the loudspeaker. I wanted to teach LINDA to dance and thus enable her to divine the beat’s hidden accents without dispersing her energies in the cymbals’ reverberation to smooth out the angles and display her skill at sketching the broader cadences that enclose the rhythm’s less perceptible tremors.
In fact, for P.O.A., it was enough that she could dance, whether or not she did it well. The important thing was to introduce a meaning into her moves, reproduce the process that had allowed me, during long dance sessions, to break down my pas into elemental gestures that might even be reduced to notations. One of these, in which I raised my arms to the height of my head and agitated them rhythmically as if saying good-bye, was indeed a good-bye to my former life full of worries, absurdly responsible, my sleepless nights. An innovative lighting technology of those years — a phantasmagorical strobe — immobilized the shuttlecock of my dancing into very crisp snapshots that emerged from the darkness one after another for as long as the blink of magnesium lasted. Beneath this light, interrogated by it, immobile in my own perception but actually in movement, I wondered one night: why do we dance? How to find a satisfactory explanation for this irrational fact? Was the world not full of inexplicable phenomena, then, if I couldn’t find an answer to the question of something as trivial and widespread as dance? Incapable of sidestepping these lacunae in my knowledge, I found myself thinking of prehistoric shadows, totems, roaring lions, ritual cavorting around the bonfires. We kept on moving there, on that same dance floor, essentially as we did five or ten thousand years earlier, voguing freely across the savannah, a thing as elemental as the release of your breath. I was never again the same after that dance revelation.