“This story might interest you. One day I was working with a client who had considerable problems in his marriage. I could see that the man was suffering and I really wanted to help him. Then I noticed, the more I talked to him about his negative past, the more depressed he became and the more I commiserated with him in his bad feelings, the worse he became. Right there and then, I remembered what you had said about going back into the past being psychological suicide. At that moment I realized that as I commiserated with my clients, not only was I not helping them, I was becoming a mental wreck myself.
“That was a turning point for me, and from that moment on, I changed my ways. Now I take my clients to more positive feelings and you wouldn’t believe the difference it makes.”
The old gardener smiled but made no comment. It was obvious that Janet was enjoying telling Andy all about her success as she continued. “About the same time, I had another client who had been in therapy for over a year, and that’s when I really realized that taking him back into the past was only upsetting him. I thought about you and started to explain to him as well as I could about the Three Principles. To my absolute astonishment he started to cry, then thanked me for what I had said to him. I sat there wondering what in the world the man was talking about and asked him exactly what I had said to create such a reaction.
“Then he started to explain to me what the principles really meant to him and how he had just realized that it was only his own thoughts that were creating his problem. He obviously understood the meaning behind the Three Principles better than I did.
“Finally out of sheer embarrassment I stopped his explanation and asked him, laughingly, ‘Who’s the doctor here, you or me?’
“Now this man is mentally healthier and more stable than most people I know.”
Andy smiled hugely but again refrained from making any comment.
Janet continued, “What baffles me is that I know it works and I’ve helped some people beyond my wildest dreams, but still it mystifies me.” She wrinkled her brow in bewilderment. “It’s like one big psychological puzzle.”
Andy laughed at her confused look and replied, “You are the therapists, not me. Never in a million years would I ever tell anyone such as you what to do, or what not to do. I am simply telling you about the existence of the principles and how they work, and you are talking about what you do with them. One is before the creation of any form; the other is strictly form. But, just maybe if we listen to each other with open minds, we can come up with something that will help both of us to understand how the form and the formless are attached to each other. Who knows? You may find the answer to your own question.”
I admitted that I was in the same boat as Janet and didn’t understand how all this worked. “I do understand to a certain degree, how my thoughts have a lot to do with how I relate to life, but, like Janet, I have a problem getting the big picture. I want to hear more about how, precisely, this would help a marriage.”
Andy smiled and looked up at the passing clouds. “My advice to anyone who is looking for help in their marriage would be to seek help from someone who sees life in a positive way or gives out positive advice.”
“But where do you find such people?” I asked.
“Believe me, Eric, such people are everywhere; it could be your neighbor, a friend, your doctor, your minister or your therapist. Look for a stable, contented person who lives in a higher state of wellbeing.
“I suggest looking for a person who sees life with a positive attitude, not someone who is full of negativity. A person with a negative outlook would just be the typical case of the blind leading the blind. When you find this positive individual, listen very carefully to his advice, because his experience and common sense will no doubt be very useful to you.”
At this point, the waitress came with our food, and we continued talking while we ate.
“Andy,” Janet asked, “would you explain again what you mean when you say that delving into the past is so detrimental in therapy? Maybe if you could say it in a different way I’ll be able to get it on a deeper level.”
“First of all, Janet, I’d like you to understand, I’m not talking to you as a therapist. Again I’m talking in the impersonal, and the impersonal pertains to everyone on this earth, not just the chosen few.”
Janet and I were dumbfounded by the certainty in Andy’s voice, and neither of us knew what to say. Then Andy said, “Think about it for a moment, then tell me how much of our past exists as reality now, other than our memories? And what are memories?”
Again neither Janet nor I could offer a reply, so Andy continued. “Memories are only old, ghostly thoughts carried through time and actually have nothing to do with the now.”
I asked Andy if he remembered our friend Tom who had been with us last year.
“Which one was Tom?” he asked.
“Remember? He was the one who vigorously disagreed with you regarding such statements and is a staunch believer in the Freudian concept of going into the past to fix problems.”
“Was he the tall, young intellect who couldn’t listen for constantly asking questions? Or was he the gentleman who appeared to be rather unhappy all the time?”
“That’s him,” Janet replied, “the one who always seemed to be unhappy”
“Yes I remember him. How is he doing?”
“Eric and I were talking about him just the other day,” Janet replied. “He’s doing remarkably well these days. Since his visit to the conference in England last year, he has semi-retired and does a lot of fishing with his son, and he’s even undergoing treatment for his drinking problem. As a matter of fact, he’s currently writing a book called ‘Investigating the Past to Fix the Present’.”
Andy closed his eyes and smiled in amusement on hearing the name of Tom’s new book.
“Next time you see him, please give him my regards.”
“I will,” replied Janet. “You know Andy, it’s the strangest thing. He talks highly of you and thinks you’re a great guy, and in fact, believes that some of the things you said helped him. Yet, at the same time, he completely disagrees with almost everything he heard you say. Especially when you said, ‘Going back into your negative past to find happiness is psychological suicide.’ That really got him upset.”
Andy listened intently to Janet, then when she was finished, he replied, “May I suggest to you that it would be to your best advantage to forget all about what Tom thinks, or what anyone else thinks? Believe me, Janet, it is far more beneficial to care what you think.
“What Tom perceives of life is his reality, just as you perceive your reality. What many fail to understand is that all past experiences are now only ghostly thoughts carried through time. Seeing this frees you from the phantom illusions and memories that hold you a prisoner of your now deceased past.
"Waste not your time in the paths
Of yesterday’s negative memories,
For they are but illusions in time,
Controlling how you perceive life now.”
After a lengthy pause Andy continued, “You should observe people as whole and healthy, not as a product of their past. Otherwise you would be just as much a prisoner of the past as your client; I believe you just called that commiserating.
“What you have to realize, Janet, is that
"Negative memories dampen the human spirit and
Prevent one from seeing the beauty of today”