“No more checks. I mean it.”
I remembered some of our times together, seeing them as I had seen them in the picture of my life. I was filled with desire. I went and took her in my arms.
She said, “But is it safe? Won’t it be dangerous for you?”
“The doctor said it’ll do me good.”
Her eyes sparkled. “Well, if it’s just what the doctor ordered—” And she led me to the bedroom.
Afterward I wished I could have died in Peg’s bed. Almost immediately I realized that would have been bad for her and bad for Julia.
Anyway, I hadn’t yet done what I’d come back to do.
Later, while Julia slept, I lay awake in the darkness. I thought, This is crazy. I’m no detective. I’m a businessman. I died and You won’t let me stay dead. Why can’t I be dead?
I got out of bed, went downstairs, and laid out the cards for a game of solitaire. I toasted a slice of bread and made myself a cup of tea.
I won the game of solitaire. It was a hard variety, one I could normally win once in fifty or a hundred times.
I thought. It’s not Julia, it’s not Monty, it’s not Peg. All of them have love for me.
I felt good about that.
But who killed me? Who was left of my list?
I didn’t feel good about that.
The following morning I was finishing my breakfast when Mark rang the bell. Julia went to the door and let him in. He came into the kitchen and got himself a cup of coffee from the pot on the stove.
“I was at the hospital,” he said. “Night and day, but they wouldn’t let any of us see you. I was there.”
“Your mother told me.”
“Then I had to leave town the day before yesterday and I just got back this morning. I had to meet with some men.” A smile flickered on his face. He looked just like his mother when he smiled.
“I’ve got the financing,” he said. “I’m in business.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“I know you wanted me to follow in your footseps, Dad. But I couldn’t be happy having my future handed to me that way. I wanted to make it on my own.”
“You’re my son. I was the same myself.”
“When I asked you for a loan—”
“I’ve been thinking about that,” I said, remembering the scene as I’d witnessed it in the picture of my life. “I resented your independence and I envied your youth. I was wrong to turn you down.”
“You were right to turn me down.” That smile again, just like his mother. “I wanted to make it on my own, and then I turned around and asked for help from you. I’m just glad you knew better than to give me what I was weak enough to ask for. I realized that almost immediately, but I was too proud to say anything, and then some madman shot you and — well, I’m glad everything turned out all right, Dad.”
“Yes,” I said. “So am I.”
Not Mark, then.
Not Debbie either. I always knew that, and knew it with utter certainty when she cried out “Oh, Daddy!” and rushed to me and threw herself into my arms. “I’m so glad,” she kept saying. “I was so worried.”
“Calm down,” I told her. “I don’t want my grandchild born with a nervous condition.”
“Don’t worry about your grandchild. Your grandchild’s going to be just fine.”
“And how about my daughter?”
“Your daughter’s just fine. Do you want to know something? These past few days, wow, I’ve really learned a lot during these past few days.”
“So have I.”
“How close I am to you, for one thing. Waiting at the hospital, there was a time when I thought, God, he’s gone. I just had this feeling. And then I shook my head and said, no, it was nonsense, you were all right. And you know what they told us afterward? Your heart stopped during the operation, and it must have happened right when I got that feeling. I knew, and then I knew again when it resumed beating.”
When I looked at my son I saw his mother’s smile. When I looked at Debbie I saw myself.
“And another thing I learned, and that’s how much people need each other. People were so good to us! So many people called me, asked about you. Even Philip called, can you imagine? He just wanted to let me know that I should call on him if there was anything he could do.”
“What could he possibly do?”
“I have no idea. It was funny hearing from him, though. I hadn’t heard his voice since we were living together. But it was nice of him to call, wasn’t it?”
I nodded. “It must have made you wonder what might have been.”
“What it made me wonder was how I ever thought Philip and I were made for each other. Scott was with me every minute, you know, except when he went down to give blood for you—”
“He gave blood for me?”
“Didn’t mother tell you? You and Scott are the same blood type. It’s one of the rarer types and you both have it. Maybe that’s why I fell in love with him.”
“Not a bad reason.”
“He was with me all the time, you know, and by the time you were out of danger I began to realize how close Scott and I have grown, how much I love him. And then when I heard Philip’s voice I thought what kid stuff that relationship of ours had been. I know you never approved.”
“It wasn’t my business to approve or disapprove.”
“Maybe not. But I know you approve of Scott, and that’s important to me.”
I went home.
I thought, What do You want from me? It’s not my son-in-law. You don’t try to kill a man and then donate blood for a transfusion. Nobody would do a thing like that.
The person I cut off at the traffic circle? But that was insane. And how would I know him anyway? I wouldn’t know where to start looking for him.
Some other enemy? But I had no enemies.
Julia said, “The doctor called again. He still doesn’t see how you could check yourself out of the hospital. But he called to say he wants to schedule you for surgery.”
Not yet, I told her. Not until I’m ready.
“When will you be ready?”
When I feel right about it, I told her.
She called him back, relayed the message. “He’s very nice,” she reported. “He says any delay is hazardous, so you should let him schedule as soon as you possibly can. If you have something to attend to he says he can understand that, but try not to let it drag on too long.”
I was glad he was a sympathetic and understanding man, and that she liked him. He might be a comfort to her later when she needed someone around to lean on.
Something clicked.
I called Debbie.
“Just the one telephone call,” she said, puzzled. “He said he knew you never liked him but he always respected you and he knew what an influence you were in my life. And that I should feel free to call on him if I needed someone to turn to. It was nice of him, that’s what I told myself at the time, but there was something creepy about the conversation.”
And what had she told him?
“That it was nice to hear from him, and that, you know, my husband and I would be fine. Sort of stressing that I was married, but in a nice way. Why?”
The police were very dubious. Ancient history, they said. The boy had lived with my daughter a while ago, parted amicably, never made any trouble. Had he ever threatened me? Had we ever fought?
He’s the one, I said. Watch him, I said. Keep an eye on him.
So they assigned men to watch Philip, and on the fourth day the surveillance paid off. They caught him tucking a bomb beneath the hood of a car. The car belonged to my son-in-law, Scott.