Of course it is, she told herself firmly. That fact had certainly been drummed into her head often enough, during the sexual instruction classes she had been given at the temple of the Goddess of Judgment. Even now Trin could hear the voice of the greater priestess who taught the class…
Disgusting…evil…allowing a male to penetrate you would damn you forever. As a Defiled One, your shame would never end. You must never, never let a male come near you in that way. Never!
But despite the voices from her past, Trin couldn’t seem to get the memory of his large, hard shaft out of her mind. She supposed she might have taken him in hand and helped him in the way he’d wanted to help himself. Only Trin got the idea that the big Havoc didn’t want to be touched sexually—not while he was tied down. No matter what he might say to her, she somehow knew he wouldn’t welcome such contact while he was helpless.
And yet…the thick ridge of flesh had been almost throbbing with need—a painful need if what Thrace said was true.
Why should I believe anything he says is true? she asked herself. Everything out of his mouth is probably just a lie.
If that’s so, why didn’t he just lie about his old master? whispered a little voice in her brain. Why not just say he died of old age, or that he sold Thrace away for fighting with the other slaves? Why not just make up any plausible sounding lie he thought might appease you?
He could have done that, Trin admitted to herself reluctantly. He could have but he didn’t. Instead, he refused to answer. He left me to draw my own conclusions, even though he knew they were bound to be bad. Even though it meant he had to remain chained to the cot. Why?
She had no answers. The big Havoc was an enigma—as well as a constant source of concern and contention among the crew. They didn’t like having a male aboard—much less a huge, dangerous one. Only that morning, Sidna had approached her about the idea of simply letting him go…
“I know the Havoc was a major investment for you and the idea was to be able to deal with the high society on Yonnie Six with him at your back but it’s simply not working out,” she’d said earnestly. “I hear the two of you talking sometimes and he’s not getting any more tractable.”
“At least he’s speaking,” Trin said defensively. “I’ll bring him around eventually, Sidna. He may be male but he’s intelligent—not stupid or primitive like we were raised to believe.”
Sidna shook her head. “He’s dangerous,” she said flatly. “And if he’s as intelligent as you say, that makes him even more dangerous. We need to let him go before he figures out a way to get loose and kills us all in our sleep. Not that anyone aboard can sleep knowing there’s a huge, psychotic male strapped down to a cot just around the corner from them.”
“He’s not psychotic—he’s perfectly lucid and sane,” Trin defended.
“I’m just telling you how the crew feels,” Sidna said. “And seeing those bruises on your neck isn’t reassuring anyone either.”
“That was an accident,” Trin said.
“No, that was a warning.” Sidna’s voice dropped into a pleading tone. “Look, Lonarra,” she said, using Trin’s first name as she almost never did. “I’m begging you—for your own safety and the safety of the whole crew, let’s just let him go. Just stop at some busy spaceport or inhabited planet and drop him off. Then he’s off our hands and out of our lives forever.”
“I…” For a moment Trin had almost considered the idea. After all, despite the many conversations she’d had with Thrace, the big Havoc refused to call her mistress or swear any kind of loyalty. At this rate, she’d never be able to unchain him—let alone walk into a Yonnie Six gathering with him at her back.
He also refused to tell her what had happened to his last master—a matter which troubled her greatly. But the idea of letting him go and never seeing him again bothered her for some reason. The universe was vast—if she set him down in a busy spaceport or a hospitable planet as Sidna suggested, the odds were a trillion to one on her ever seeing him again.
“Well?” Sidna had asked, a touch of exasperation in her voice.
“I’ll think about it,” Trin had said at last. “I promise I’ll give your idea careful consideration.”
“Thank you,” Sidna said. “But don’t think too long, Trin—the crew is growing restless.”
Trin thought about it now—thought long and hard. Maybe she should just let him go. He was angry and dangerous and huge and muscular and male. He didn’t belong aboard The Alacrity. It was like trying to keep an exotic pet in an environment that wasn’t good for it.
No, I should stop thinking of him as a pet. That’s one reason he got so mad in the first place. She sighed. Maybe it would be best to just let him go. There were four life pods attached to the ship and they only really needed three of them to evacuate everyone. She could simply give him one and let him go where he wanted.
The life pods had been designed to survive long stretches of time in deep space and they all had stocks of dehydrated food spheres—provided he had a rudimentary knowledge of flying and knew how to navigate wormholes, he could go pretty much anywhere he wanted.
That’s what I ought to do, she thought. Just let him go his own way. He’s never going to play the roll I need him to—Sidna is right, he’s a dangerous liability. All right…when I get back from the Devil’s Eye, I’ll do it.
Her heart was heavy as she made the decision and not because losing the Havoc meant she’d basically flushed fifty thousand credits down the drain. Somehow, the idea of loosing Thrace was like a weight on her heart. It didn’t make any sense but somehow she’d allowed herself to grow fond of the big Havoc. So fond that the idea of never seeing him again made her eyes sting and her throat grow tight.
Don’t be an idiot, she lectured herself, swiping angrily at her damp eyes. He’s just a failed experiment. An idea that didn’t pan out. Next time maybe you’ll think harder before you sink credits into a scheme.
She straightened up and took a deep breath. It was time to stop dwelling on the problems with her troublesome Havoc and start concentrating on her strategy for getting in and out of the Demon’s Eye in one piece tomorrow. And after she got in and out with the Jaxite, how she was going to sell it without a male body-slave to help her. Well, maybe she could try to hire one for a few days from somewhere although she was afraid the Yonnite mistresses would spot a fake…
I’ll figure it out, Trin told herself. I have to. For now, one step at the time. First I have to get the Jaxite to sell.
The Alacrity was in the Delta-Xion quadrant now—a couple million light years from home, thanks to her navigator’s extensive knowledge of stable wormholes. A few more hours travel would take them to the Demon’s Doorstep—the planet the notorious space station orbited. Trin needed to be ready when they got there. Her ship, her livelihood—even her very life depended on it.
Still, even as she tried to turn her mind to the Eye and what she would say to B’Rugh, its owner, the big Havoc kept crowding into her mind, demanding her attention…
Chapter Six
Thrace tossed restlessly on the cot. He had slept poorly and had wakened to the quiet sounds of Trin getting ready to depart. He’d almost called out to her—wanting to say a word before she left. But what was he going to say—I’m sorry? Thrace snorted. Not fucking likely. Why would he apologize to his captor? The female who had bought him and chained him down. The one who refused to let him up from this fucking cot? Stubbornly, he had turned his face to the wall again and drifted back off to sleep.