“That’s not what happened,” she whispered. “What would make you stay?”
Josh leaned in and kissed her forehead, knowing he was now doing it. This is it.
She would either want what he wanted, or she would never talk to him again.
After taking a deep breath, he whispered against her hair, “This.”
She didn’t try to move away from him. She just stood silently for a moment while he held her arms and kissed her hair. God, she smells amazing.
“What is this?” she asked softly.
Pulling back a little, he looked down at her and tipped up her chin so their eyes met.
“Everything that tonight represents.”
As the reality of what he was saying sank in, he watched her eyes widen, and he felt his nerves bubbling up inside of him.
Spit it out already, he thought to himself.
“The music, the friends, the ceremony, but most importantly, the love. I want all of it. I’m ready for all of it, Georgia. And, until you are too, nothing will make me stay.”
Dropping his hands from her shoulders, he watched her take a deep breath and waited for anything she was going to say. But nothing came.
She just stared up at him with eyes as big as he had ever seen them, and he felt like he was being punched over and over again.
Alright, man, he thought, time to leave.
Turning on his heel, he had made it three steps when he heard his name.
“Josh!”
Turning, he saw that she had moved, and she was now facing him with the lake as her backdrop. The breeze had picked up, and it was whipping around her hair and dress.
She looks absolutely breathtaking.
He stopped and waited.
“How will I know?” she called out.
Josh shook his head and shrugged. “I’m not sure, but one thing I do know is you won’t have to ask.”
With that, he turned and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Four
October
September had been dubbed the longest month of Shelly’s year.
After Josh had left the night of the wedding, Shelly had done something she had never done before. She went home and cried.
Never had she felt so helpless. She’d wanted to express the thoughts that had been running through her mind when Josh had been standing in front of her that night. But she couldn’t.
Thinking you’re in love with someone and just saying it seems so easy, Shelly thought as she lay in bed. However, the reality—a man telling you that he wants you to be everything that makes his world—is just completely terrifying.
What if I fail?
That was all Shelly had thought about for days—hell, weeks now. What if for some reason she was like her father? It wasn’t too far of a stretch. She obviously resembled him in many ways. Why not personality flaws as well?
Sighing, Shelly closed her eyes and pictured Josh as she had last seen him, standing in front of her with his heart on his sleeve, looking at her like she had just let him down.
And she had.
She knew it, and he did, too.
So, what if I do that after we’re committed?
Well, lying here isn’t getting me anywhere, she thought as she climbed out of bed. Booting up her computer, she went to her closet and pulled out a black satin robe. Pulling it on, she sighed as the material slid over her bare skin. When the computer was up and humming, she immediately went to her email, and there it was—the usual nightly letter he still sent her, sitting in her inbox. This one had a subject header, Halloween.
Sitting down in her reading chair, she placed the laptop on her thighs and clicked to open it.
Georgia,
Mason is having a Halloween party down at Exquisite on Saturday. I’ll be in town. Do you want to be the Sandy to my Danny?
Josh
Shelly smiled and responded with seven words.
Yes. You’re the one that I want.
Clicking send, she was shocked when she got an almost immediate response in her mail.
You’re awake early, considering you worked last night.
Josh
Shelly noticed he was online. Forgetting about email, she clicked the instant message bar and typed.
Couldn’t sleep. Someone won’t get out of my head.
Josh: I’m annoying like that.
Yes, you kind of are. Are you sure you want to go to the party with me?
Josh: I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure, Georgia. Nothing for me has changed. Just know that I’ll be leaving after the weekend.
Shelly sat, staring at the screen. Nothing has changed for him.
Over the last month and a half, this had been his very obvious approach, letting her know he still wanted to be with her, and that it was her holding up this leg of the race.
She also had a distinct feeling that her time would soon run out if she didn’t catch up.
He had been clear in all their emails since the wedding. Until she knew one-hundred percent what she wanted, he didn’t want to hear it.
Shelly would like to argue that it wasn’t fair. But is it really fair to ask him to settle for anything less? So, here she was—stuck in a conundrum.
She had a man who loved her and wanted everything, and she had a terrifying fear that she would fail him. How do I get over that?
So, at the party, am I allowed to touch you?
Josh: I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.
Well, that’s something at least.
Josh: Don’t mistake me walking away as me not wanting you. I’m just sure of what I want, and I have been for a very long time. I refuse to let you go on thinking this can’t be more.
Shelly thought about that last sentence. Is that what I’m doing?
She had been looking for the perfect man in so many places, yet it seems he may have turned up in the last spot she would have thought to check.
Josh: So, see you on Saturday? I’ll be there around 4:00 p.m.
Sounds good. Josh?
Josh: Yes, Georgia?
I’m trying.
Josh: Try harder.
With that, she watched him sign off.
Josh was sitting on Cole’s couch, staring at his computer screen.
Josh had known if he’d mentioned he was in town, Shelly would have invited him to stay at her place, and Josh was pretty sure his resistance was failing. Instead, he was going to let her believe he was arriving in two days. Meanwhile, he was going to hang out on his friend’s couch.
Cole had gone out for the night and still had not returned. When Josh had asked where he was headed, he had just told him, “Out.”
Seeing as how he was such a tight-lipped guy, Josh had decided not to push it further. He was just happy he could bum for a few days on the man’s couch. He was exhausted.
This new project had him working around the clock like a dog. He hadn’t known at the beginning just how much work it was going to be to have his vision come to life, but in the end, he knew it would fulfill that part of him that was gaping wide open. Just knowing that he could go to work and use his hands to create a perfect structure was so satisfying. He couldn’t even begin to explain it.