I can’t move, and for a moment I panic, thinking that I am paralysed. Before realising that a man lies on top of me. I manage to pull my legs from under him, dragging myself up into a half-sitting position against the wall of the blackhouse behind me. And I see that the man who lay on me is Donald Dubh. He is looking at me, eyes staring. But he sees nothing. There are other bodies on the path. Men, women and children. Most still alive, but dreadfully injured. I hear the muted moans of semi-conscious villagers in pain. Somewhere in the distance a woman is wailing. I roll my head to one side and see her running away across the shore, feet sliding and slithering in the shingle. Two constables chase after her. They catch her near the jetty and beat her to the ground before starting to kick her mercilessly.
It is like my worst nightmare. But there is no waking from it. Further up the slope, between the first two blackhouses at the top of the village, estate workers led by the distinctive ginger head of George Guthrie are dragging an old woman from her house. Old Mrs Macritchie. Eighty if she is a day, and bedridden for months. I remember that she was one of the women who were there the day my mother gave birth to Murdag.
She is still lying on her mattress as they drag her from the house and tip her into the mud. Her nightdress rips open, and I see her pitifully pale wizened old body. Her cries of protest are trapped in her throat like a swallowed whisper. And they start to kick her, these men. I cannot believe I am witnessing such inhumanity, such total absence of compassion. I look away and feel tears searing my cheeks, bile rising in my throat.
I scan the village through my grief. Most of the villagers are gone, it seems, though I have no idea where. And I know that I must get away before George and his crew find me. For then I would be as good as dead, too.
I manage to get to my knees and fall into the narrowest of alleys between two houses. It is damp and dark here and smells of human waste. I crawl along the space on my knees and elbows to where the barns behind the houses are built almost into the side of the hill. The ground rises steeply here, thick with heather and fern, rock breaking through thin topsoil. I get to my feet and pause to draw breath and steel myself. The moment I have climbed above the level of the houses I will be in plain view to anyone in the village. It will take a monumental effort to reach the top of the hill, for there is no path and it is almost vertical in places.
Someone is sure to give chase. But they will likely take the track up from the village, which is the long way round, and if I have the strength for the climb it will give me a good head start.
I reach above my head to grab handfuls of heather root and start pulling myself up the first few feet, searching for footholds. I am propelled by a mixture of both fear and anger, straining muscles in my shoulders and thighs, and I climb quickly. Up now above the roofs of the blackhouses. A quick glance to my left sees one going up in flames. Just as at Sgagarstaigh, the men from the estate are armed with flaming torches, setting fire to roofs and doors.
I hear a shout go up below. I have been spotted. At first I daren’t turn to look, and keep climbing, spurred on to even greater effort. Clambering over an outcrop of rock now, before sprawling flat when I get to the top of it, and rolling over to look back down the hill. Flames leap up from more roofs. I see my own blackhouse on fire, and remember all the summers my father and I laboured to strip off the thatch for fertiliser before renewing it for the coming winter. The roof timbers send sparks showering up into the mist as they collapse.
A group of constables have detached themselves from the others and are running up the path to try to cut me off. But not twenty feet below me I see George Guthrie in direct pursuit. His face is upturned, contorted by effort and determination, and is almost as red as his hair.
I am on my feet in a moment, and throwing myself up the slope with renewed vigour, slithering and sliding as my hands and feet search for grip. Mostly I am having to pull myself up with my arms and aching shoulders. When finally I reach the top of the hill I stand up straight on shaking legs and look back down on the village that was once my home. The whole place is ablaze. A cheer going up as another roof collapses.
Away to my left I see a long line of villagers being led up over the rise towards Sgagarstaigh hill. Those who can’t walk are crammed on to carts with what few belongings they have salvaged. Many of the men are in irons, stooped and bloodied and struggling to stay on their feet, struck on the shoulders by batons if they stumble.
And there, among them, is my mother. Herself in irons. Her face streaked with blood, staggering, almost running to keep up. Small, rapid steps, limited by the chain that loops between her ankles. Annag and Murdag running at her side, catching her arms to stop her falling.
My sense of guilt is crushing. I have let them down. I have betrayed my father. And worse, I know there is nothing I can do about it.
I hear George’s breath now, hard and hollow and tearing itself from his chest. He is no more than ten or fifteen feet from the top. I stoop to pick up several rocks and throw them at him. One strikes him on the shoulder, and he lifts an arm to protect his head. In doing so he loses his grip and slithers back down to the rocks below. But I am distracted by the shouts of the constables on the path, who are heading off across the hilltop towards me.
Their shouts turn heads among the lines of villagers being forced away towards Loch Glas, and I see my mother and sisters look in my direction. But there is no time to dwell on my guilt. I turn and run for my life. Away across the crest of the hill, following a track worn by the hooves of countless deer, winding its way through the heather, circumventing great chunks of rock that lie at odd angles across the slope. Splashing now through a small stream in spate. Arms pumping, head back.
Away to my left, and far below, I see the arc of silver sand that is Traigh Mhor, and the stones that stand as silent witness to the generations who have gone before me. They are a stark reminder that it is my relationship with Ciorstaidh that has brought this calamity upon us.
For the first time I glance back and see George in dogged pursuit. Several hundred yards behind him the constables are losing ground, weighed down by heavy boots and rain-soaked uniforms. But George is fast and fit, well-fed and fuelled by fury. I know that in the end he will catch me.
I grit my teeth and run on, arms and legs pumping air into screaming lungs. Away off to my right now, I catch a distant view of Ard Mor nestling between two hills, the flat leaden calm of the bay beyond almost completely lost in the rain. And I keep going, the slope of the land and the deer path pitching me back towards the coast, where thirty-foot cliffs of black rock have held back the relentless assault of the Atlantic ocean since time began.
I see distant islands through the mist, and in a rare break in the low cloud, a shaft of weak sunlight splashes silver on the surface of the sea.
The machair along the cliff tops is relatively flat, the grass well-grazed and short. Thistles catch my bare feet as I run, skipping over rocks and splashing through patches of bog. My spirit urges me to keep going, but my body is yelling at me to stop. I am almost blinded by sweat, and through it I see the machair fall away to a partially hidden cove where the silver of its tiny stretch of sand is almost phosphorescent in the froth of an incoming tide. I follow the track down to the beach and I know that George is going to catch me there. No sense in expending more energy. As my feet sink into soft sand I realise it is time to stop and face him.
I stagger to a halt, leaning forward for a few moments, my arms taking my weight on my thighs, trying to catch my breath. Then I straighten up and turn around.