She turned a slow circle as she lifted her camisole straps back into place. “I came with Casey and Isadora.”
“All three of you are here? How?”
“We came through a secret portal Isadora knew about.”
“Where?”
“In the mountains.”
His lips turned down. “There are witches in those mountains.”
She caught the disapproval in his voice but somehow knew he wasn’t going to lecture her about her actions. Which didn’t fit. Because Zander always told everyone what he wanted them to do.
Weird.
She glanced around, again wondered what had changed in him and why, but was distracted when she spotted her clothes. She stooped to pick them up. “The others are probably wondering where we are. I don’t think it would be a good idea to go back downstairs smelling like sex after they knew I was coming up to tear into you. And I especially don’t want to smell like your sex in front of Isadora.”
She spotted the bathroom and headed that way. “I’ll be quick,” she said over her shoulder.
She closed the bathroom door and took a deep breath. Her hands were shaking, her nerves a hot coil beneath her skin. Quickly she flipped on the shower, stripped the camisole over her head and stepped beneath the hot spray.
The heat immediately relaxed her. She closed her eyes, tipped her head back so the water hit at her chest. Tried not to let her brain wander, but even she knew it was inevitable. The pain at what her father had revealed stole her breath. She ducked her face under the water. The memory morphed into her conversation with Casey and Isadora, then coming here to find Zander, and her taking out all her anger and frustration over everything on him.
She wasn’t going to do this again. Wasn’t going to fall into the same mistakes she’d made before. He’d loved her? Did it even matter anymore? The only thing that mattered now was finding their son. The rest of it—her heart pinched—the rest was not important.
Cool air washed over her, and too late she realized the shower door had opened and closed while she’d been caught in her musings. She whipped around to see Zander moving under the spray toward her.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I decided your shower was a good idea.”
Panic pushed at her chest. She stepped backward in an attempt to get away, but he seemed to eat up all the space in the small stall. “Okay, then wait outside. I’ll be done in a minute.”
Amusement crossed his handsome face. “Why are you all of a sudden shy? I’ve seen you naked before, thea.”
“I’m not shy,” she said, stepping back again. Her spine hit the tile wall. “I just like my privacy, that’s all. I said I’d be done in a minute. Then the shower’s all yours.”
“I like sharing with you.” He reached for her arm.
She rolled her shoulder to avoid his grasp. “Zander, please.” That panic clawed its way up her throat. She shifted her back more solidly against the wall. “Just wait outside.”
His eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
His fingers moved to her upper arm. “Callia, turn around.”
She dug her heels in. Stared at his broad chest and the water running down his tanned skin in rivulets. “No.”
He tugged on her am, and even though she knew it was useless, she resisted. He pulled her around easily, though, until her back was plastered to his front and his arms were around her, locking her in. “That’s better, isn’t it?” he whispered in her ear.
No. Water sprayed onto her chest and shoulders again. She closed her eyes. Wanted so badly just to forget the last ten years ever existed. But she couldn’t. “Zander, please—”
“I saw the scars when you were injured,” he said softly. “You don’t have to be afraid for me to see them.”
“I’m not.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
She squeezed her eyes, wished she could have avoided this conversation altogether. “They’re…they’re not something I like people to see. They’re ugly.”
He dropped his lips to her shoulder. Kissed her gently. “Nothing about you could ever be ugly.” As he lifted his head, he loosed his grasp, eased back, and she knew by the way her skin tingled that he was looking at her scars. Even though they’d faded to nothing more than thin white lines, she still felt them. Every day. And she knew what they looked like. “When I think about what they did to you—”
“They didn’t do anything I didn’t ask for. It was my choice.”
His silence confirmed what she knew he was feeling. And okay, yeah. This was why she didn’t want to be having this conversation. That pain she lived with every day, the pain she pushed down so she could get by, came thundering back.
“I—No one forced me, Zander.” This, at least, she wanted to make sure he understood. “I volunteered for the cleansing ritual.”
“Why?” he asked in a shocked voice.
It made so much more sense in her head than it ever would in words. “Because it seemed like the right thing to do. Because—I thought—I owed my father for risking his position to take care of me. Because…” She shrugged, looked down at the strong arms still wrapped around her. “I wanted to forget.”
He was silent so long, she thought he hadn’t heard her. Then he dropped his forehead against the side of her head and whispered, “Thea.”
Thea. The word twisted the knife in her heart. Why couldn’t she let him go? After all this time? Even now, when she was smart enough to know they had absolutely no future together and that this—them—was destructive, why wasn’t she letting him go like she should?
“This,” he said, letting go of her waist with one arm and drawing his hand to her back. “This is mine now.” He laid his palm over her scars, and warmth gathered beneath his skin, spreading into hers as he spoke. “I can’t make you forget, but I can take away the burden. It’s mine, thea. Not yours.”
His heat warmed the coldest space inside her, but she shook her head. “You don’t understand. I didn’t want to forget what happened, Zander. I wanted to forget you. I wanted to forget how I felt about you.”
Silence fell between them. Tension turned the air thick.
“Is this your way of telling me you finally did?” he whispered.
“No. I didn’t. I never have. That’s the problem. It didn’t work.” Tears—hot tears she’d tried to keep back—burned her eyes. “Pain isn’t freeing. It’s just one more reminder of what you’ve lost. And now all I have are these ugly scars. That’s what I’ll have when this is all over. Whether we find our son or not. After you bind yourself to—”
She closed her mouth when she realized how bitter she sounded. Wished like hell she’d just kept her mouth shut. Or kept her camisole firmly in place.
He turned her in his arms until the water hit at her spine and his fingers ran through her wet hair, tipping her face up to his. “Thea, open your eyes.”
She did, and saw all the same emotions she felt reflected back in his eyes. His silver eyes, no longer stormy and gray but shimmering and surrounded by a halo of clear blue.
“Zander, your eyes…”
“I’m not binding myself to Isadora. When this is over you’ll have me. I’m yours, for as long as you want me. Even if you don’t want me anymore, I’m still yours. I only volunteered to marry Isadora because I thought I’d lost you. If I’d known there was a chance we would end up here, do you think I would have made that agreement?”
He took her hand before she could answer, placed it over his chest until she felt the rhythmic thump of his heart beneath her palm. Then he took her other hand and placed it over her own heart. “Do you feel that?” he asked. “We’re linked together, you and me. This goes deeper than the fact that I love you. It’s more than just you being my soul mate. This is about us and the reason I’ve never been able to let go of you either.” He moved in closer, and warmth closed around her as she felt her heart beating in time with his. “There’s more, thea. No matter what happens today, tomorrow, there’s more ahead for us. You are my life. This story doesn’t end here. Not unless we let it.”