I burrowed into his body, moaning when he shifted to lie half over me. My hands slid up and down his back, my leg lifting to hook over his hip. I caught his lower lip between my teeth and stroked the curve with the tip of my tongue.
His groan was so erotic it made me wet.
My back arched as his hand crept beneath the hem of my T-shirt and captured my bare breast, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger.
“You’re so soft,” he murmured. He kissed his way to my temple, and then buried his face in my hair. “I love touching you.”
“You’re perfect.” I pushed beneath his waistband to grip his bare buttocks. The scent and heat of his skin intoxicated me, made me feel drunk with lust and longing. “A dream.”
“You’re my dream. Christ, you’re so beautiful.” His mouth covered mine and I fisted a hand in his hair, clutching him to me with my arms and legs wrapped around him.
My world narrowed to just him. The feel of him. The sounds he made.
“I love how much you want me,” he said hoarsely. “I couldn’t stand being in this alone.”
“I’m with you, baby,” I promised, my mouth moving feverishly beneath his. “I am so with you.”
Gideon possessed me with one hand at my nape and the other at my waist. Settling over me, he aligned his hardness to my softness, his cock to my sex, and rolled his hips. I gasped, my nails digging into the rock-hard cheeks of his ass.
“Yes,” I moaned shamelessly. “You feel so good.”
“It’d feel better inside you,” he purred.
I bit his earlobe. “Are you trying to talk me into going all the way?”
“We don’t have to go anywhere, angel.” He sucked gently on my throat, making my sex clench hungrily. “I can put it in right here. I promise I’ll make you feel good.”
“I don’t know. I’ve changed my ways. I’m not that kind of girl anymore.”
His hand at my waist pushed my pants down. I gave a token wiggle and make a soft sound of protest. My skin tingled where he’d touched me, my body awakening to his demands.
“Shh.” Brushing his mouth over mine, he whispered, “If you don’t like it once it’s in you, I promise I’ll pull out.”
“Has that line ever worked for anyone?”
“I’m not feeding you lines. I mean every word.”
I gripped the steely curves of his butt and rocked up against him, knowing damn well he didn’t need any lines. A crook of his finger was all it would take for him to get laid by anyone he wanted.
Thankfully, he only wanted me.
Reveling in his playfulness, I teased, “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“What other girls?”
“You’ve got a rep, you know.”
“But you’re the one wearing my ring.” As he lifted his head, his fingertips brushed the hair from my temple. “Day One of my life was the day I met you.”
The words hit me like a blow. I swallowed hard and whispered, “Okay, that’s a winner. You can put it in.”
The shadows left his face, chased away by his smile. “God, I’m crazy about you.”
I smiled back. “I know.”
I WOKE IN a cold sweat, my heart pounding violently. I lay in the master bed, panting, my mind clawing up from the depths of sleep.
“Get off me!”
Gideon. My God.
“Don’t fucking touch me!”
Throwing off the covers, I scrambled out of bed and ran down the hallway to the guest room. I searched frantically for the switch on the wall, hitting it with the flat of my palm. Light exploded in the room, exposing Gideon writhing on the bed, his legs twisted in the bedding.
“Don’t. Ah, Christ …” His back arched up from the bed, his hands fisting in the fitted sheet. “It hurts!”
“Gideon!”
He jerked violently. I raced to the bedside, my heart twisting to see him flushed and drenched with sweat. I placed my hand on his chest.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” he hissed, seizing my wrist and squeezing it so hard I cried out in pain. His eyes were open, but unfocused, still trapped in his nightmare.
“Gideon!” I struggled to get away.
He jackknifed upward, his lungs heaving and his eyes wild. “Eva.”
Releasing me as if I had burned him, he shoved his damp hair out of his face and lunged out of bed. “Jesus. Eva … did I hurt you?”
I held my wrist with my other hand and shook my head.
“I want to see,” he said hoarsely, reaching for me with trembling hands.
I dropped my arms and stepped into him, hugging him as tightly as I could, my cheek pressed to his sweat-slick chest.
“Angel.” He clung to me, shaking. “I’m sorry.”
“Shh, baby. It’s okay.”
“Let me hold you,” he whispered, sinking to the floor with me. “Don’t let go.”
“Never,” I promised, my lips whispering over his skin. “Never.”
I ran a bath and climbed into the triangular corner tub with him. Sitting behind him on the highest step, I washed his hair and ran soapy hands over his chest and back, washing the icy sweat of the nightmare away. The heat of the water stopped his quivering, but nothing so simple could remove the dark desolation in his eyes.
“Have you ever talked to anyone about your nightmares?” I asked, squeezing warm water out of the sponge onto his shoulder.
He shook his head.
“It’s time,” I said softly. “And I’m your girl.”
He took a long time to speak. “Eva, when you have nightmares … are they more like re-creations of actual events? Or does your mind switch them around? Change them?”
“They’re mostly memories. True to life. Are yours not?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes they’re different. Make-believe.”
I absorbed that a minute, wishing I had the training and knowledge to be truly helpful. Instead, I could only love him and listen. I hoped that was enough, because his nightmares were ripping me apart as surely as they were him. “Are they changed in a good way? Or bad?”
“I fight back,” he said softly.
“And he still hurts you?”
“Yes, he still wins, but at least I hold him off as long as I can.”
I dipped the sponge again, squeezing water over him, trying to maintain a soothing rhythm. “You shouldn’t judge yourself. You were only a child.”
“So were you.”
My eyes closed tightly against the knowledge that Gideon had seen the photos and videos Nathan had taken of me. “Nathan was a sadist. It’s natural to struggle against physical pain, so I did. That’s not bravery.”
“I wish it had hurt me more,” he bit out. “I hate that he made me enjoy it.”
“You didn’t enjoy it. You felt pleasure and that’s not the same thing. Gideon, our bodies react to things by instinct, even when we don’t consciously want them to.” I hugged him from behind, resting my chin on the top of his head. “He was your therapist’s assistant, someone you’re supposed to be able to trust. He had the training to fuck with your head.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then make me understand.”
“He … seduced me. And I let him. He couldn’t make me want it, but he made sure I didn’t resist.”
Moving, I pressed my cheek to his temple. “Are you worried you’re bisexual? It won’t freak me out if you are.”
“No.” He turned his head and brushed his mouth across mine, his hands lifting out of the water to link our fingers together. “I’ve never been attracted to men. But the fact that you’d accept me if I were … Right now I love you so much it hurts.”
“Baby.” I kissed him sweetly, our lips parting and clinging. “I just want you to be happy. Preferably with me. And I really want you to stop hurting yourself over what was done to you. You were raped. You were a victim and now you’re a survivor. There’s no shame in that.”