Devlin’s other hand, that isn’t securing me against him, explores my body. He squeezes my thigh before traveling up and stays on my exposed skin on my stomach. Both of his hands feeling me. Devlin now has perfect grip on me as we dance. One of his hands decides to take it further and let his fingertips explore the area under my top and eventually his whole right hand has disappeared under the fabric and playing with the material of my bra. I bite down on my bottom lip and let my head fall onto his shoulder.
The next morning I wake to find that I have six, yes six text messages on my phone. I smile, because I already know who they’re from. My friends love me as much as I love them so I just know that they are responsible. I would have done the same if it was any other one of them, hell I did it to Lauren!
I knew Devlin and I made a scene! How could we not? We were practically dry humping in front of everyone. God what did I look like?
When I unlock my phone, I see that the messages are from the girls, but I don’t open them right away because there’s one text in particular that causes somersaults to erupt in my stomach. Devlin sent me a text before any of the girls did.
Devlin – Hey babe, just got back to the clubhouse. Sleep well x
His words bring a smile to my face and I feel like a teenage girl again. The fact he even left a kiss on the end leaves me happy. I quickly send him a reply to let him know I did sleep well and I have a load of questions from the girls, so I’m busy for the rest of the day.
I then go through the girls’ text messages. Lauren and Drew each sent two and Elise just the one. As I’m reading them I get another from Lauren and she’s in the same freaking house! In fact, I can hear her footsteps pacing outside my room!
“I can hear you!” I shout at her.
Suddenly my door is open and she pops her hear round, I don’t miss the little look of disappointment on her face though.
“Where’s Devlin?” She asks.
“Good morning to you too.” I sit up and stretch.
Lauren comes in and sits on the bed with me. “You know what I mean, you left together so I just assumed.”
I tilt my head to the side and roll my eyes.
“So?” She asks, practically bouncing on my bed.
“So what?” I tease her.
“Tasha!” She lightly slaps my leg.
“Nothing happened.” I insist but she gives me the look.
“Oh come on! The way you two were dancing last night you had to have at least kissed.”
I smile, nodding my head. “We kissed but apart from that he was the perfect gentleman.”
“Devlin? A perfect gentleman?” She laughs.
“For your information, yes he was. Strange I know, but we got a taxi here and that was it. He made sure I was safe and left.” I’m actually a little gutted that he did. It would have been nice to have even had a private drink together, some alone time.
“You asked him in didn’t you?” She digs, leaning in a little closer to me.
I don’t look at her, instead I bite down on my lip and act really interested in my nails.
“You did!” She gasps.
“Lauren!” I hush her. “Yes I did but he said no.”
“He was that harsh?” Lauren frowns.
“No.” I shake my head. “His words were along the lines of, if he came in he wouldn’t be able to stop himself and he didn’t want to rush me. He said that he want to savour us and wait for the perfect time.”
Lauren actually screams. Like, loudly squeals and jumps up at me. She pushes me down on the bed, smothering me and laughing. I can’t help but join as I laugh at how insane she looks.
“Well what’s going on here?” We hear from the door and when Lauren finally gets off me, I see Grim smiling over at us.
“Girl talk.” Is thankfully all she says as she joins him. They give each other a little kiss, before Lauren turns to give me a wink, leading Grim away from my room.
Thank god for that. I do not want to be telling Grim what me and his brother did or did not do. I know exactly where it could have gone and I’m not lying when I say that I really wish it did. Devlin is one sexy man. I love his tattoos and I want to find the ones that you can’t see when he’s dressed but he’s right when he says we need to take our time with this. He’s not a mushy guy, so I really respect him for being the strong one. I’m not ready for sex yet, and Devlin knows that more than I do. I would have gone all the way last night, and this morning I would have woken up regretting every second of it. As much as I like Devlin, and I definitely lust after him, I’m not ready. I still have scars deep within me that haven’t yet healed. I’m afraid they never will.
Right now, I will have to leave it at innocent flirting and trust that he knows how fucked up I really am and can wait. If not, then I know he’s not the man for me, but that would really fucking suck.
I’m not like Lauren. I’m so happy that she’s been able to put the Devils behind her and I believe that that was mostly down to Grim. If it wasn’t for him I think she would be right where I am. Maybe not as bad, but still in this place that I’m in. For that, I’m glad. As much as I like to play the strong one, I’m really not. Behind closed doors, I’m that same scared girl who was left alone in a dark and dirty room.
Demon left me with both physical and mental scars. He fucked my head up and there’s not one day that I don’t think about him and I hate him for that! I don’t want to see his face every time I wake up. It’s then I realise with shock that this morning, I didn’t see Demons face. For the first time in months, it was the handsome and rugged face of Devlin I saw when I opened my eyes. Devlin was my first thought and I place a hand over my heart as tears gather and drip down my cheeks.
How fucked up am I? I’m crying happy tears all because I didn’t think of Demon when I woke up this morning.
I quickly reply to Drew and Elise, basically telling them what I told Lauren and let them know that I will talk to them later. My head feels kind of numb and I need some time to myself. Maybe it’s to do with thinking about Demon and the rest of the Devils, I don’t know but as I strip naked to get ready for my shower I glimpse my reflection and I gravitate towards the mirror.
I look in disgust at the ugly scars that I am left with. My whip marks are almost identical to Lauren’s, however I have more and mine look deeper because they were reopened many times. A quick flashback cuts into my thoughts and I shut my eyes, trying to force the image away. It’s no use, even as I go through day to day, the memories are always lurking in the background. I’m sure Lauren and Elise are exactly the same however we don’t admit it, but I see it there. We share the same haunting look and out of respect we don’t like to remind each other.
Unlike Lauren and Elise though, they don’t have whip marks decorating their vaginas. That’s right, you heard me right. I have whip marks on my pussy, they are on top, inside and right inside my thighs. They’re even bite marks curtesy of Strike, he never could help himself.
I stare at them, getting angrier and more repulsed by the second. Why am I even thinking of letting Devlin near me? He wouldn’t want this! Devlin could have any pick of woman, when he sees my skin he won’t want me. He will most likely run away feeling sick. I do, and unfortunately I can’t run away from it. If I want to keep flirting with Devlin, then I need to make sure he doesn’t see my horrid skin. Ever since that accident and foolish kiss we shared not long after I arrived here, we’ve shared a chemistry. I can’t fight it, but I’m terrified of letting go and risk getting hurt because that will happen. As soon as Devlin sees my scars, he won’t want me anymore and I actually need him. His attention makes me feel needed. When Devlin talks to me, I don’t feel ugly and damaged, instead I feel sexy.