“Sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to jump down your throat. It’s just… I can’t feel anything for Sadie but contempt and anger. So let’s just leave it alone, okay?”
I nod. “When you’re ready to put aside your anger, you’ll be surprised what your heart will find.” He looks at me, surprised. “Your son is a gift.”
He drops his shoulders and inhales deeply. “You’re right.”
“Still hungry?” I ask and grab the pizza cutter from the drawer. He nods quickly and I serve the first few slices. Before I know it, the entire pizza is gone and both of our plates are empty. The air is lighter between us, and I’m thankful he’s relaxed a bit.
“I’ve never seen a girl eat that much pizza,” he jokes and pushes his plate away from him.
I blush and wipe my mouth with a napkin. “I love pizza.”
“We should do this more,” he says.
“Yeah?” I ask. “You mean you’re going to help cook? I think my aunt will want to know about this.”
He’s unmoved by my teasing and declares, “Every Thursday is now pizza night. And next week, you’ll have to show me how to make the dough.” He looks around the kitchen and I notice there’s flour everywhere. “You’re not exactly a neat cook.” He smirks.
“No, I’m not. But you have to admit, that was damn good pizza,” I say, very proud of myself.
“It was amazing.”
I like that we’ve connected tonight. I feel like I can help him open up more and become confident in his abilities to care for his son, even if he carries such anger and resentment toward Sadie. I know I can help him.
“Pizza Thursday,” I say. “I like the sound of that.”
Kai starts to stir in the other room, and we both jump up. Concern floods his face once again, and I touch his arm. “I’ll take care of him. He just sounds a little fussy and probably needs a diaper change.” I look around the kitchen at the mess that we made. “Why don’t you clean this up and meet me upstairs in his room in a little bit?”
“Okay,” he says reluctantly, and I walk past him to get Kai.
As I carry Kai up the stairs, I notice a new picture on the wall. It’s a close-up of Kai, and he’s smiling huge. This picture is proof of the immense progress that we’ve made. It took months for him to smile for the first time, and Garrett captured it perfectly in this photo.
I settle into the rocking chair with him and hold him close, his breathing even and calm. I drift off to sleep with this strong little boy pressed close to my chest. Progress.
I OPEN MY EYES AND SEE a familiar form on the day-bed. Garrett’s awake and his eyes meet mine. “Hey,” I say groggily.
He blinks slowly and says, “Hey.”
“What time is it?” I ask and shift Kai gently in my arms.
“Three thirty,” he says quietly and sits up. The stiffness in my neck tells me the clock must be right. I think I dozed off around ten or eleven.
“It’s my turn,” he says as he makes his way toward me and Kai. I nod and stand up slowly so I don’t wake him.
I transfer his son into his arms as he settles himself in the chair. I stretch and feel my spine crack.
“You’ve got to stop sleeping in this chair,” he whispers as he looks down at his son. Kai is sleeping peacefully.
I crawl into the day-bed and find the warm spot that Garrett left behind. “Soon,” I say as sleep starts to take me again. “Kai’s going to get better and then you won’t need me.”
As I drift back to sleep, I hear a soft whisper.
“We’ll always need you.”
Garrett
Present
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 27
“OH MY GOD, THAT PIZZA WAS AMAZING,” Sam says, pushing herself away from the table. It’s Pizza Thursday, our third one in a row.
“Amazing,” I say and wipe the crumbs from my mouth.
“If we keep eating like this every week, I’m going to need to buy new clothes.” She pats her flat belly and stretches. I raise my eyebrows and quickly glance at her body. There’s nothing wrong with the way she looks. In fact, she can stand to put on a few pounds. Maybe I’ll institute a Pizza Friday and Saturday.
“What are you smirking at?” she asks.
“Nothing, I was just thinking that I could seriously eat pizza every night,” I respond.
Her grin widens and she gets up to begin cleaning the kitchen. We’ve fallen into a bit of a routine and I like it. I place the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
“Hey there.” Peggy’s voice fills the room. “It smells wonderful in here.”
“Sorry, Aunt Peggy. We ate it all. We didn’t realize you’d be stopping by.” Sam finishes washing and drying her hands.
“Oh, it’s okay,” Peggy says. “I ate about an hour ago.”
Sam turns to me. “Do you think I can get a swim in before I need to get him ready for his bath and bed?”
Before I can answer, Peggy interjects. “I’ll get him ready tonight.” She pulls a bag from the pharmacy from her purse. “I have a new bath wash I’d like to try. It’s hypoallergenic and soothing. I’m hoping it will help with his nighttime fussiness.”
“Sounds good to me,” Sam says and steps into her flip-flops. “I’m going for a quick swim. Dinner was great, Garrett.” She’s out the door and across the backyard before I know it.
Peggy lifts Kai from his bouncy seat positioned on the floor next to the table. He sat through dinner making cute baby noises while swatting at the toys hanging over his head. A rare moment for him and allowed Sam and I to eat in peace without the threat of a nuclear meltdown. He looks so content and peaceful right now and I don’t know who to thank for giving me and Sam this nice moment.
“Little dude has been having a good time tonight. I think he likes that seat,” I say.
“It’s a wonderful seat. It helps keep him in an upright position so he doesn’t have any GERD issues. It’s also restrictive, in a comfortable way. He likes to feel safe and protected, and the harness on that seat is perfect in fulfilling that need.” She unsnaps him from the seat and gently lifts him to her shoulder.
“I’m going to take him upstairs to bathe him and get him ready for his last bottle and bed. Can you let Sam know she has about an hour to herself before I’m finished?” She nods toward the pool house and heads up the stairs.
“Sure,” I say and walk outside. It’s a beautiful night. The air is crisp and cool, but I know the temperature inside the pool house is a balmy eighty-five degrees. I enter the enclosure and Sam is already doing her laps, unaware of my presence.
I slip into the dressing room and into a pair of swim trunks. When Sam makes her turn at the close end of the pool, I dive in and join her. She’s mid-stroke and lifts her head from the water briefly, then drives her arms ahead. Her strokes are powerful yet graceful. I keep pace with her as we swim thirty more laps, each one more intense than the last.
When we finally touch the wall, we emerge from the water, lungs burning, hearts pumping. Our breathing is hurried and deliberate as we try to fill our lungs with much-needed oxygen.
“Wow,” I pant. “I’ve seen you swim before, but man.” I suck in air and try to slow down my breathing. “That was intense,” I finish.
She’s breathing hard through her mouth and nose as her chest expands and contracts deeply. “I had no idea you were going to join me,” she says.
“Your aunt sent me out here to tell you she’d be done with Kai’s bath and dinner in about an hour. Then I saw you exercising and thought I should join you.” I pat my belly and say, “You know, pizza and all.”