I’m shocked to see Kai sleeping, in his crib. He’s never slept anywhere unsupervised. And it’s extremely rare that he’s sound asleep and not on top of one of us. This is a tremendous accomplishment, and I’m not sure Garrett realizes how huge it is.
I hear his soft footsteps behind me.
“I did everything wrong, didn’t I?” he asks, concerned.
“No…” I can’t take my eyes off of the perfectly swaddled and comfortable little boy in front of me.
I feel his warm hand graze mine causing tingles to travel up my arm.
“How did this happen?” I ask, backing up toward the hallway. My heart wants me to stand here and take this all in, but my brain tells me to leave him be so he can sleep as peacefully as possible.
Garrett follows me out and closes the door softly.
He looks at me and shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. After Peggy left, he was sound asleep, so I brought him up here and rocked with him in the chair. After a while, we were both sleeping, until I sneezed myself awake. He woke up and started screaming like I’ve never heard him scream before. I think I scared him.” He runs his hand through his thick black hair, and the pain on his face intensifies.
“I didn’t know what to do. I tried to remember everything you’ve taught me over the past few weeks and I drew a complete blank. I started walking around the room with him and patting his back. I even tried singing to him. His little body was arching so much that I thought he was going to fall out of my arms.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry,” I say and lean against the wall.
“Then I remembered the music Peggy always plays for him and I turned it on.” He shakes his head and smirks. “I still can’t get used to hearing our songs playing as a lullaby.”
I have to admit that I love listening to Rock-A-Bye Baby. My favorite is the Nirvana and U2 albums. I’ve never listed to the Epic Fail one though.
“Anyway, after I put the music on, he started to calm down a little. But he was so squirmy and kept throwing his head back. I remember you telling me that sometimes that means he has gas, so I laid him down on the changing table and did that thing with his legs that you showed me—you know when you bend his knees slowly toward his chest?” He makes a motion with his hands in the air in front of him, mimicking the movement.
I nod and he continues. “That’s when I realized his diaper was full.” His expression changes to disgust, and he looks like he’s about to throw up. “It was really full.” I can’t help but laugh, and I quickly cover my mouth.
“It’s not funny,” he says and pulls on the front of his tee-shirt. “I’m covered in piss.”
My shoulders start shaking, and now I’m full-on laughing out loud. I cover my mouth, trying to stifle the giggles. I forgot to tell him about the Pee-pee-Teepee. I try to gain my composure.
“I’m impressed, Garrett. Very impressed.” I nod, and he lets go of his urine-stained shirt and wipes his hands on his jeans.
He ignores my compliment and continues the recount of tonight’s adventure in babysitting. “I’m not sure I put the diaper on right, but at least he’s covered.” He shakes his head and leans against the wall across from me. “He started screaming and crying again with his arms and legs flailing all over the place. I wrapped him really tight in one of his blankets and carried him around the room until he fell asleep. It took about thirty minutes for him to cry this out. But once he stopped, he was out cold.”
“Why did you leave him alone?” I ask, worried that Garrett had a breakdown.
“I had to go to the bathroom,” he replies, embarrassed.
“Oh.”
“Why didn’t you call me? I would have come home sooner to help you.”
“Really?” he asks and looks confused. “I thought you were looking forward to your date with Dick.”
“How did you know where I was? And why did you call him that?” Anger starts to build again when I see a different side of Garrett begin to surface.
“Your aunt told me where you went.” He steps away from the wall and closes the distance between us so we’re toe to toe. “Who is he?” he asks, and the smell of baby pee and whiskey mix in the air in front of me, making my anger grow.
“You shouldn’t have been drinking,” I say firmly and stare daggers into his eyes. I feel his warm breath on my face. “If something happened to Kai—”
“I handled everything, didn’t I?” He raises his voice slightly. “It’s not like I drank a bottle, Sam. It was one mouthful. I needed to calm down.”
“So you medicate with booze?” I snap back. “Remember his mother was an addict. You need to curb what you’re doing around here so you don’t model that type of behavior.” He’s so close to me right now I can’t move. My foot is killing me, and I want to push past him, but I’m boxed in.
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do in my own home. If I want to have a shot of whiskey to calm my nerves, I’ll do it a hundred fucking times over.”
“Garrett, you need to calm down,” I say. What has gotten into him?
“Do you know what day it is?” he asks.
“What? It’s Thursday,” I say, wondering why he’s even asking me this question.
“Exactly. It’s Thursday,” he says, and his face softens. “It’s Thursday, Sam.”
Pizza Thursday.
Shit.
He suddenly leans closer, closing the small distance between our mouths. His lips brush against mine and I freeze in place.
“What are you doing?” I breathe.
Garrett
Present
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 27
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” she says, and I don’t give her another second to say anything else. I grab the sides of her face, tangling my fingers in her hair, and pull her lips against mine. My kiss is harsh and fast, and I feel her pushing and pulling at me with all of her strength.
I hit the wall behind me, and she takes off, limping down the hall. What the hell just came over me? Why did I do that?
I unclench my fists and try to calm myself down. I couldn’t get the image of her with another guy out of my head all night. When Peggy told me she was out on a date, I almost lost it. I realize I have no right to feel this way, but I feel betrayed. For the past few weeks, we’ve spent so much time together, and she’s had such a positive influence over me. She’s gotten me past my fear of being alone with Kai. She’s guided me on what to do when holding him and caring for him. I’ve been a bumbling idiot and terrified every single time I touch him, but she’s talked me off the ledge and constantly reassures me that I’m doing fine.
It’s Pizza Thursday. Our day.
Jealousy coursed through my veins all night, picturing her with someone else. What’s wrong with me?
Regret sweeps through me. I need to make this right. I hear her downstairs in the kitchen and look for her so I can apologize.
She’s assembling clean bottles and pouring formula into them for the night. She lines them up and grabs the soft cooler from under the cabinet. She puts the filled bottles into the cooler along with two bottles of water for herself. This is her nightly routine, and I don’t dare interrupt her. She’s limping around the kitchen, obviously in pain and flustered by what just happened.