My cell phone dings, and I have another text message waiting for me. I swipe to see Kai’s huge smile filling my screen.
“Your nanny documents everything that boy does.” Heath grabs my phone from me so he can see him too. He scrolls through the two dozen pictures that Max sent to me since breakfast.
“You mean his manny!” Tristan laughs hysterically. He still can’t believe that I hired a guy to watch my son, and I explain that it wasn’t all my doing. Sam was the one who got the ball rolling with Max, and it worked out perfectly.
Heath tosses my phone back to me. “Another picture just came in. Dude, he’s walking.” I quickly look down to see a picture of Kai standing with his hands stretched out in the air. He had a huge, wide-mouthed smile that I can practically hear his happy screeches from.
“Are we done?” I ask, anxious to get upstairs to witness this huge milestone.
“We’re all set,” Dax says, and I don’t wait for him to retract his statement.
I bound up the basement stairs and then up the back staircase that leads to the second floor. I hear belly laughs coming from his room, and I open the door.
“Da-da!” he says as soon as he sees me, and he tries to take a step toward me. He falls onto his outstretched hands and pushes himself back onto his feet. He does this again three more times before he’s able to take several steps, practically leaping into my arms.
“Hey, buddy,” I say as I shower him with kisses.
“Da-da!” he screeches again and Max chuckles.
“I couldn’t believe it, Mr. Armstrong. He was table surfing all day today, and suddenly he let go. Once he realized he could balance, he just took off. It was amazing.”
I take out my phone so I can document this with proper video. My parents are going to be amazed by this as well, and I can’t wait to send it to them.
“Hey, you should get going,” I say to Max, noticing the time. “Thanks for staying late today so we could finish up downstairs.”
“No problem,” he says and walks past us and out the door.
“Bye-bye,” Kai says, and Max backs up to high-five him. Kai giggles and claps his hands.
Although Max was originally hired to be a live-in nanny, I decided that for the time being, I would do this on my own. He usually stays overnight once a week so I can do some late-night editing in the studio.
I haven’t heard from Sam since Pizza Thursday almost three months ago. I haven’t been able to even eat pizza since. Peggy keeps me posted on her, though. She’s been pulling double shifts for months, and that tips me off that she’s trying to hide away. Although Peggy says she’s been enjoying her time with her friends, I don’t believe her. The girl I saw that night was distant. Cold. I’m worried about her.
My heart sinks knowing that Sam isn’t a daily fixture in Kai’s life anymore. Or mine. She was such an important part of his life for so long and the only mother figure he’s ever known. It would kill me to not allow her to see him and continue to be a part of his life.
I yearn for what the three of us finally found together. We formed a family that was destroyed by an ugly truth. A truth we found out about by accident. A truth destroyed by my father.
I need to breathe her air.
Feel her touch.
Consume her fully.
We need her back.
Sam
Present
Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Age 24
THE CHILLY AIR SENDS A SHIVER down my spine, but I dig my bare feet into the cold sand anyway. I’m on Long Beach Island, New Jersey. Cassie gave me the key to her family’s beachfront vacation home. She said I needed a break and time to reflect. She couldn’t have been more right.
I pull the fleece blanket up to my chin and rest my head back on the beach chair. The sun is setting behind me, reflecting beautifully off of the clear water. A large, lone seagull skims along the top of the water in search of its next meal. I love it here. It’s so peaceful and relaxing. Cassie and I would come out here all the time when we were in nursing school. It’s only about an hour and a half from our college, and we made sure to put the house to good use. I smile as I remember some of the epic beach parties we threw. It’s amazing the neighbors haven’t run me off the beach by now because we sure were a nuisance back then.
Waves continue to crash, and the constant sounds of the ocean soothe me. It’s weird being down here by myself; I’ve never been here without Cassie. Last night I slept with all of the windows open, despite the cool ocean winds. I imagined Garrett’s warm arms wrapped around me as I drifted off to sleep.
Why can’t I let him in?
I walked away from him months ago, and I’ve lived such a lonely existence since. My life is a pattern of work, sleep, repeat. I close my eyes, and the wind sweeps and swirls my long hair around my face, hiding me from the world.
A loud cracking noise startles me and I sit upright. A large group of people have joined me on the beach, and the residual smoke from a firecracker floats out over the water. They’re laughing loudly as they arrange their blankets and chairs around a group of guys digging what I presume is going to become a fire pit. Watching them scamper around reminds me of the times Cassie and I would come here with our friends from college. We used to take over this whole area of the beach with our epic volleyball and whiffle ball games. If only I could travel back in time.
One of the girls opens a large bottle of wine, and the others hold out their glasses to be filled. Cheers and laughter continue as they clink their glasses together.
A Frisbee sails my way, landing near my feet, and one of the guys jogs over to retrieve it. “Hey,” he says and smiles ear to ear. I recognize him right away; he’s the son of Cassie’s neighbors. He bends to pick up the Frisbee and plops himself in the sand instead. “I thought it was you, Sam.” I squint, trying to remember his name. He’s a twin, and I always mix up him and his brother. I’m talking to either Jake or Justin. Cassie and I spent many nights on this same beach hanging out with them. In fact, I hooked up with Jake a few years ago at the end of a long day of swimming and drinking. He’s adorable and nice, but it was just a one-time thing and we didn’t let it interfere with the good times we were having. It was uncomplicated.
“Hi—um, Jake?” I say, hoping I’m right.
He smiles and nods his head. “That’s me.” He lifts his hand to shield his eyes from the sun behind me. “What are you doing out here all alone?” he asks.
“Oh, just enjoying the view and a much-needed break from life,” I say.
“Where’s Cassie? Is she up at the house?” He looks past me toward her back deck.
“No, I’m alone this weekend. Cassie had to work.”
“Jake!” his brother calls from across the beach. Jake waves him off and tosses him the Frisbee from his seated position in the sand.
“You’re here with a big crew. Are your parents down too?” I ask and look back over to his friends now huddled around a fire.
“No, they’re away. A bunch of us wanted to get together, and instead of going into the city like we usually do, we decided to come down here.” He peers at the waves and brushes sand off of his legs. He’s wearing shorts, and I shiver thinking how cold he must be.
“That’s nice,” I say. “It’s the perfect time of year to come down here and have this whole place to yourself.”
“Yeah,” he says. “So how have you been?” he asks.
How do I answer that question?
“I’ve been—life’s been interesting.”
He nods, almost as if he knows exactly what I’ve been through. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you here,” he says. “Maybe two or three years?” I can tell he’s remembering the same moment that I just did when we made out under a pile of blankets almost right in the same spot that I’m in right now.