MAX IS SURPRISED TO SEE ME when he opens the front door. “Sam, how are you?” he asks. “It’s been such a long time.” He steps aside and I walk past him.
I look around the foyer and see recent pictures of Kai adorning the walls. The last time I saw him was a few weeks ago when I met him and Peggy for breakfast at the diner. “Peggy says he’s walking,” I say and strain my neck to see if he’s in the kitchen. It’s quiet in the house, so I assume he’s asleep.
“He’s like a bull in a china shop. Thank goodness your aunt baby-proofed this entire house because everything would be on its end otherwise.” He shakes his head. “Kai’s a piece of work.”
“I bet he is.” I smile.
“Would it be okay if I go upstairs and peek in on him?” I ask hopefully.
“I don’t see why not.” Max smiles and walks into the kitchen, unlocking a series of gates along the way.
I slowly climb the staircase and follow the soft pings of music coming from his room. I open the door and tip-toe in. My nose fills with his baby smells, and the soft scent of powder relaxes me. I feel at home in his room, and I slide out of my shoes so I can feel the thick carpet between my toes. The aromas and sounds begin to relax me. I reach the crib and peer in. He’s on his back with his head turned to the side. His Dalmatian and my Googie are clasped in either hand. His breaths are even and peaceful, and I could stand here all day taking in all of his perfections. I back away and sink into the rocking chair. This chair was my bed for months, and I close my eyes, trying to feel the weight of Kai against my chest. While those times were heart-wrenching and difficult, I try to remember the moments when we bonded. His cries would fill this room and stab through my heart.
Tears come to my eyes as I realize how incredibly far Kai’s progressed. How incredibly far Garrett has, too. I look over at the crib and watch the instruments spin slowly above him. That’s when a large picture on the wall catches my eye. It’s a close-up of Kai and me, our faces pressed against each other. Our smiles are huge. Two teeth peek out from his gums, and his mouth is wet with drool. His hands are on either side of my face, and he’s about to plant a wet, slobbery kiss on me. I remember the exact day that picture was taken, but it seems like a distant memory.
I pull the blanket to my nose and inhale his scent.
Why did everything have to change?
My eyes become heavy and I allow myself to drift off to sleep.
“MA-MA! MA-MA!” I HEAR, and it feels like I’m dreaming. I open my eyes, and Kai is standing in his crib, squealing. “Ma-ma!”
Garrett steps into view and walks over to the crib. I shake my head and wonder if I’m still asleep. “Hey, little guy, what are you saying?” Garrett asks as he lifts his son out of the crib. Kai’s giggles fill the room, and he squirms out of Garrett’s arms. As soon as his feet hit the carpet, he’s running clumsily toward me in the chair.
He reaches me quickly and throws himself into my arms.
“Hey, Kai. I’ve missed you,” I say and pull him against me. He’s squirming in my lap and says again, “Ma-ma.”
Garrett says quietly, “He’s been saying that for the past few days. Every time he sees your picture or hears your name.” He sits down on the bed and faces us.
“Really?” I ask, and Kai plants a wet kiss on my cheek.
“Yeah, I don’t know where it came from.” He scratches his head and smiles as he watches Kai and me together.
“Da-da?” he says and points toward Garrett.
Garrett smiles and waves to his son.
His face becomes softer and he says to me, “How have you been?” He shifts uncomfortably on the bed, and Kai wiggles out of my lap and runs to his toy box on the other end of the room. He pulls the top open and begins digging through it, looking for toys.
“I’m good,” I say and begin to fold the blanket that was covering me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep in here. I hadn’t slept in almost two days, and as soon as I sat down, I was out. Force of habit I guess.” I shrug my shoulders, and a smile spreads across his face.
“Seeing you in here just feels right,” he says and leans back on the pile of pillows.
Kai runs across the room and drops a red ball in my lap. “Ball!” he says and waits for me to acknowledge.
“Yes, it is a ball. Thank you, Kai,” I say, and he runs back to the toy box.
“I can’t believe he’s walking,” I say, shaking my head. “And talking.”
“Yeah, I can’t believe it either. Time has flown by. He’s getting too big, too fast,” he says and watches Kai dart back to me with another toy.
“Ball!” Kai says and drops a stuffed pig in my lap.
I laugh and pretend to give the pig a kiss.
“Ball is his go-to word for everything.” Garrett says and reaches out to high-five Kai as he once again runs to his toys. This time, he plops down and plays on his own.
“I can see that.” I smile.
“Peggy says you’ve been busy with work.”
“Yes, it’s been a crazy few weeks. Lots of babies born, and unfortunately some of them need critical care.” We have six babies in the NICU this week and once again, we’re at capacity.
He nods his head and begins to look uncomfortable making small talk.
He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a large folded stack of papers. “Here, I’d like you to review these when you get a chance.”
He places the papers into my hand. Our fingers brush against each other and I almost don’t let go. He does reluctantly and sits back on the bed.
“What’s this?” I ask, unsure of what he placed in my hand.
“I met with my lawyer today to see what I could do about formalizing documents that allow you to take Kai whenever you want. It wasn’t easy to do, but he drew up a few documents that say that you’re an appointed guardian in my absence. I want him to be with you when I’m on the road.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing, and I slowly unfold the documents. They look legal, and they’re signed and notarized with raised seals and everything. “Why would you do this?” I ask, shaking my head.
“Because, there isn’t anyone on this earth that I would trust more with my son than you. He loves you, Sam.”
Kai loves me?
Kai giggles from the other side of the room and says “Ma-ma” again. He looks at me and blows kisses to me. I pretend to swipe them out of the air and press them into my heart. He laughs and continues playing.
“Garrett, I—I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. I know you’ll take good care of him when I’m not here.”
“I have a job; you know that, right?” I say.
“I’m fully aware of that,” he says and nods his head. “Peggy and Max have agreed to help you as much as you need. I can email you our travel schedule tonight when I get the final list of dates from Dax.”
I sink into the chair and tears fill my eyes again. “I’ve missed him so much.” I sob into my hands and feel Garrett next to me almost immediately. His hands cover mine, and he slowly pulls them away from my face.
“Please don’t cry,” he begs. “I didn’t do this to make you sad. It’s just—I don’t want anyone else with him but you. You’ve been with him since the first day he came into my house when I couldn’t bear to be in the same room as him. You had enough strength for two. You made him who is he and I don’t want him to be without you another day.”
His words take my breath away and I stare into his eyes, unable to speak.
“In addition to allowing you full guardianship while I’m on the road, I’ve also named you as a true legal guardian. You can come and spend time with him whenever you want. Like you’re one of his parents.”
I don’t understand why he would do this, but I throw my arms around his neck. “Why?” I whisper against the stubble on his cheek.
“You’re his mother. You always have been,” he says clearly and pulls me tight against him.