“Ma-ma!” Kai yells from his pile of toys, and he giggles again.
I start to laugh, and Garrett shakes with his own fits of laughter.
I reluctantly pull away from him, trying to compose myself. I wipe away the leftover tears from my face and take a deep breath.
“Thank you,” Garrett says, backing away. Kai stands up and runs to his father, wrapping his hands around his legs tightly. “Da-da!” he exclaims.
He reaches down and picks up his son, kissing him on the cheek. “What do you think, buddy? Do you want to see Sam more?”
He claps his hands and smiles, pointing at me with his little fingers.
I don’t know what I just agreed to, but I feel really good. Amazing even.
There’s a knock on the door and Max enters hesitantly. “Sorry to interrupt this little reunion, but Kai’s lunch is ready.” Garrett puts Kai onto the floor, and he runs toward Max and offers his hand to his nanny. “Let’s go, dude. We’re about to have a mac and cheese party.”
They leave the room, and Garrett sits on the edge of the bed. His eyes don’t leave mine.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he says, and his eyes glisten.
His words tear through my heart. There isn’t a night that I go to sleep when I don’t think about the night we made love. The night when we spoke the words I never thought I’d say to another person before. I was in love with him and it was deep.
I am in love with him.
But time has changed us. The actions of his father destroyed the life we had together and hardened my heart.
“I don’t know how to ask for your forgiveness,” he says, and he places his face into his hands.
“Why would I need to forgive you?” I ask. I’m confused by his sadness.
“My father took everything away from you, and I just don’t know how to express my sorrow and beg for your forgiveness for a sin caused by a man I hardly even knew.”
His words mean more to me than any lecture I could receive from my aunt or Cassie. He had no control over his father’s actions any more than I had control over my parents being at home that day. Neither of us had any power to stop the tragedy that took place. We both lost family that day, no matter what type of people they were. My parents left their legacy in me, and I’m the person that I am today because of them. I’ve realized that although I miss them so much it hurts, they’re still with me in the way that I live my life. I carry their gifts with me.
I look at the large picture of Kai and me on the wall and I smile.
“Thank you,” I say to Garrett. “I don’t know what I would be doing if your son hadn’t saved my life a year ago. I may have spiraled out of control after Ben’s death. Kai saved me and gave me purpose. He reminded me of all of the good that my parents instilled in me. You gave me that gift.”
He shakes his head and smiles.
“God, I love you so much, Sam.”
I reach out my hand and he grabs it, squeezing tight.
“I love you too,” I say quietly, and he pulls me out of the chair and onto his lap.
He buries his head in my hair and kisses my neck. He stops after he inhales deeply and pulls away from me so he can look into my eyes. He swipes his thumb across my cheek as he cradles my face.
“Thank you for coming home,” he says and lightly kisses my lips.
Home.
It’s true that I’ve felt more at home here than any other place I’ve lived since my parents died.
I kiss him back and press my forehead against his.
“It feels good to be home.”
Sam
Present
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 25
“AWESOME!” GARRETT YELLS while Kai splashes in the pool. His swim instructor is helping him learn the survival technique that I learned so many years ago. Kai is expertly floating on his back and kicking his legs when he reaches the edge of the pool. He’s able to grab hold and he’s smiling, truly enjoying this game that we’re playing with him.
I clap and splash my feet in the water. The swim instructor takes him to do another exercise and Garrett wades over to me. He grabs hold of my bare legs and threatens to pull me into the water. He kisses my knee and looks up at me.
“You should come in with us,” he says and kisses my other knee. I remain seated on the pavement and swing my legs on either side of him.
“I’m good right where I am,” I say. And I truly mean it. In every possible way.
The past several months have been hectic but amazing. Kai and I have spent almost every moment together when I’m not working, and Garrett is here as much as he can be. It’s like we picked up right where we left off last year. I belong here, and I should never have left.
He stands up in front of me and water cascades down his chest and abs. He’s stunning perfection, perfectly chiseled and lean. He wraps his wet arms around me and soaks me completely. My face is pressed into his chest and he’s laughing. “Now you have to come in,” he says and swiftly pulls me into the water with him, dunking me under.
I jump out of the water and swat at him. “Don’t even think about it,” he says and pulls me into him for a warm kiss.
Kai is giggling and playing in the shallow end of the pool when Garrett takes my hand and lies on his back in the water. He begins to float, and I do the same. We’re both on our backs, our arms outstretched.
We float quietly and peacefully, listening to Kai’s happy laughter echo throughout the pool house.
“Happy birthday,” Garrett says and squeezes my hand.
“Happy birthday to you too,” I say in return.
Things could not be more perfect.
I’M HOLDING KAI’S HAND as we walk through the lush green grass. Garrett lifts him in the air, and he squeals with delight. He loves when we walk and swing with him between us.
“Up, up and away!” Garrett says, and Kai swings higher.
We slow our pace and find the clearing in the lawn in front of us. I approach the headstone slowly and drop a white carnation in front of the grave. Kai runs over and picks up the flower that I dropped, and he hands it to me. “Here,” he says, and I smile.
“It’s okay, Kai. This flower belongs next to this stone,” I say and guide his hand back down to the ground.
“Flower,” he says and crushes it against his nose, inhaling deeply.
Garrett stands behind us, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. He doesn’t say a word, and I don’t expect him to.
I touch the headstone and say softly, “Thank you.”
“Welcome,” Kai says, giggling from the grass. He places the flower back and puts his hand next to mine.
Sadie Moore
April 1, 1991 – August 16, 2014
I turn to see Garrett’s gaze focus on her name. He barely knew her, yet she gave him a tremendous gift of a son. Despite all of her problems, she did the right thing before she died. She found Garrett. Even though she was an addict, she knew what she had to do. She ensured that despite her sins, her son would have a chance at life. Garrett shakes his head and shoves his hands into his pockets. He walks a little closer and leans into my side, kissing me softly on my cheek.
“Let’s go, Kai,” I say and lower my hand. He takes hold, and I help pull him to his feet. We turn and walk back toward the SUV. I realize Garrett isn’t next to me, and I see him touching the headstone with his head bowed, as if in prayer. He mouths a few words, but I’m out of earshot. I hope he’s making his peace with the troubled woman who gave us Kai.