Since the office called him on that line only when he was out of the building, Shad knew it had to be someone in the family calling him. When Shad answered it he was pleased to see that it was Dulsie calling him from their home phone.
“Hiya, toots.” Shad began shutting down his laptop.
“Hi, Hon. Have you left your office yet?”
“Just getting ready to.”
“Perfect. I need you to run by the store and get three avocados.”
Shad’s heart sank slightly because he wasn’t thrilled by the prospect of going into the grocery store. It was a small sacrifice to help Dulsie, however, besides the fact such an action would be beneficial to Shad if he was inclined to eat. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.” Dulsie’s voice took on a tone of sarcasm. “The ones I bought yesterday have too many black spots in them to salvage enough for supper.”
“What are we having tonight?”
“Salmon salad sandwiches by the seashore.”
“Just what I’d expect to hear from somebody named Dulsie Delaney.”
“Hey – you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
Shad smirked. “I’ll try to pick out good avocados.”
“I’d give you some tips on how to do that, but obviously I wouldn’t know what I’m talking about. Just be sure they aren’t bright green and hard.”
“Dark and mushy. Got it.”
Shad locked up the office since he was the last one to leave, and on his way home drove to the supermarket on the edge of town. He knew the store would be filled with the typical afternoon crowd of people swinging in after work, so Shad braced himself to maneuver through the mass of humanity. After selecting three firm but yielding avocados from the produce section, Shad went to stand in line at the express checkout counter. He stood behind a slightly plump woman who looked close to his age and also looked like she might have three or four more items in her cart than express checkout customers were supposed to have. But Shad’s attention was quickly diverted to the little girl he presumed was the woman’s daughter.
She looked like she was probably around four years old and was bouncing behind the cart her mother was standing in front of. Actually the child was bouncing a rubber toy frog back and forth along the handle. Her body moved in sequence with the toy, and her blonde, pageboy haircut bounced in unison as well. She was wearing a summery outfit of a pink cropped blouse, matching ruffled shorts, and flip flop shoes. As her mother pulled the cart forward to start unloading groceries on the conveyor belt, the girl arched her slender body as she made the frog bound over to one side of the impulse items display.
In a series of rapid hops across the gum and candy she approached Shad, who was blocking the end of the aisle. The girl paused for a few seconds and looked up at him before flashing a grin. Shad smiled back.
With what was apparently a simulation of the mighty leap her frog was taking, the girl held it as high above her head as she could reach while swooping toward the other side of the aisle. She was moving in slow motion to increase the dramatic effect, her lithe limbs stretched out and her soft belly drawn taut.
An intrigue Shad hadn’t felt for over seven years pulsed through him.
Horror immediately followed the first sensation but didn’t abate it. No, this couldn’t be happening. His fascination for the girl and her form was inappropriate, but even as Shad told himself that the jolt of attraction asserted itself.
The frog landed safely on the other side and the child looked up at Shad again. His expression probably belied just enough shock for her to interpret as his being impressed by the frog’s athletic ability, and she grinned at him again.
As Shad watched her bounce the frog back toward the cart he momentarily felt as helpless against the force of this physiological response as he had since this affliction first surfaced in junior high school. Then Shad remembered how he learned to fight it in college.
He could see Dulsie as clearly as though this were that fateful, rainy day eight years ago. They were in his apartment shortly after she’d started her freshman year. Dulsie told a joke, but she imitated a little girl as she delivered the punch line. Her impersonation was so good and the subject of the joke was perhaps just titillating enough that Shad actually felt a tremor of attraction toward her.
Shad’s gaze was ripped away from the girl while he stared at the floor. Yes, it was Dulsie’s emulation of a child that had stirred him, but she was eighteen at the time. It was her womanly qualities that he learned to desire and embrace. And as Shad’s attraction for Dulsie grew, his interest in little girls diminished.
“Sir!”
Shad looked up. The woman and her daughter were several feet beyond the register and the cashier was leaning over the counter and beckoning to him. The sight of the girl skipping away caused that intrigue to tremble again.
Shad lowered his gaze, stepped forward, and set the flimsy plastic bag with avocados in front of the cashier. Never looking up, he wordlessly paid for them and left.
Shad’s attention remained downward as he walked across the parking lot toward the pickup. Desire still lingered in his flesh even as his soul was terrified at the prospect of seeing the girl and again experiencing that offensive response. When Shad unlocked the truck door and slipped in behind the steering wheel, he pulled his gaze up only then in order to drive home.
What was happening? Why was this happening again after all these years? More importantly, why had this happened again at all? Shad was supposed to be cured. He had considered himself healed by none other than the Master Physician. For years he had wrestled with this affliction, vacillating between acceptance and abhorrence. When Shad resolved to spurn its influence he utilized both prayer and psychotherapeutic approaches. He hadn’t even thought about this maladjustment for years ... until recently. Since Shad’s discovery of Wally he’d recalled his own instability several times in less than a week. His meeting with Wally yesterday had been extremely emotional in ways Shad hadn’t even anticipated. The recent events must have been sufficient enough a force to uproot his old nemesis.
Uproot? Then that could only mean ... oh, no. Dear God in heaven, no.
That could only mean he was never really cured, but that the paraphilia had merely gone into latency, where it could wait for the right conditions in which to resurface.
No wonder Jill never stopped distrusting him.
Shad felt as though his stomach rolled over to play dead as he realized those few seconds in the store had forever changed the rest of his life. Whether he had to fight this malady again for years or for minutes, even after he subdued it, Shad would always have to live with the knowledge it could return.
This wasn’t fair to him or to Dulsie.
And completely unknown to her, Dulsie still had a crucial role to play. Now she was his wife, not just a memory, and Shad took great comfort in that fact. His grip tightened on the steering wheel as Shad determined to drive this aberration back into the abyss where it belonged. Even under the threat of its eventual return, he preferred to at least have it under submission than running amok.
By the time Shad parked the pickup in their driveway he was over the initial shock of the experience and instead was nursing a determination to drum this malady back into hiding. When he walked near Sadie as she sat under an oak tree in their yard, the dog paused from pulling out shedding hair with her teeth to wag her tail. Shad absently ruffled the huge canine’s ears and realized he could hear music coming from the house.
Dulsie enjoyed all kinds of music, and Shad never knew if she was going to play modern or classical or ethnic or ethereal. As he approached the porch Shad determined he was hearing the lead singer of the old group First Edition belt out how he was just dropping in to see what condition his condition was in. Dulsie usually listened to rock when she was feeling feisty. Good. Shad liked it when she was feisty.