Pap’s tumor. That one event changed the course of Shad’s career. No, it wasn’t just the tumor. If anything, the final blow for Shad’s intentions of going into computer science was Jill’s revelation of what his parents had sacrificed for him. Opinionated, outspoken, wonderful Jill. There were several ways Dulsie was like her.
Shad’s discovery that Jill had unwittingly referred to his hidden affliction one day emerging again made Shad more appreciative of Jill’s intuition. But even with the gift of insight that ran deeply in the women descended from Margaret Leeds, none of them had guessed why Shad was brought among them. Erin was the first to sense he shouldn’t go into state custody, and Mam followed through. They didn’t know why it was important, they simply obeyed. Shad hoped they would never find out, at least not before the day they stood before God.
He could have been born with his affliction, but the darker demon had been nurtured through Shad’s suffering. Without serious intervention the two would have combined to make Shad into a predator of dreadful stature – of this he was certain. Mam and Pap had no idea the meek child they brought into their lives harbored a pestilence that grew as Shad grew older. It wanted Shad to accept his affliction because through it the demon would prosper.
So until Shad’s senior year in high school he struggled back and forth with the pedophilia, which seemed to match his struggle with accepting faith. Sometimes he mastered it as wrong, but more often he flirted with the notion this was the way he was made, so Shad should allow that impulse to eventually be satisfied. Had he gone into foster care, Shad knew he would have remained in an urban or suburban atmosphere. He would have been where little girls would be accessible. He would have given in.
Mam and Pap provided more than a stable, loving home life, which even a foster family could have given him. The gift that kept Shad from becoming a monster was the isolation that their rural lifestyle and peculiarly old-fashioned ways enforced. School, church, and Boy Scouts comprised Shad’s social life. Otherwise he was with his family or alone. Never, ever, did the opportunity present itself for Shad to give in to his baser self, and thus he was able to say that he had never inappropriately touched a child ... thank God.
Shad was more Jungian in his approach to psychology, but there was one aspect of Freud’s theories he had to admit wasn’t so nuts, after alclass="underline" The fabric of society all boiled down to sex. Culture was the main difference that separated humanity from the animals, and culture existed because primitive women gave birth to the most helpless infants of all Earth’s creatures. Survival of the fittest meant she who selected the man who consistently dragged something back to the cave was able to rear their children to adulthood, who in turn would have children of their own. And by giving herself exclusively to that man, guaranteeing the children he provided for were his, relationships became based on bonding and trust. Families expanded into societies that flourished through cooperation, not by submitting to the will of the guy who could beat everybody else up. Virtuous women kept men civilized. Shad knew he was no saint, yet he made many improvements in his life in order to meet the standards Shad knew Dulsie would have, and there was no measuring his gratitude that he was the one she selected.
Back in the mid-eighteen hundreds Quaid promptly married Grace because it was scandalous for him to otherwise remain under her roof after he healed from his wounds. And while it was true people had misbehaved throughout history, it was also true that expectations had changed. Today the denizens of popular culture saw nothing wrong with cohabiting before marriage, assuming they bothered to marry at all. Physical intimacy was quickly wrested from its practical, more evolved application, and became demoted to recreation or self-realization. Thus began the slide back to the “Dark Age” as each variant of sexual misbehavior accepted by society led to another, unraveling its very fabric.
Today most people were scandalized by the thought of adults having sexual relations with children. But Shad could see how in another century or two the efforts of the activists could pay off. “Child Love” might be the last aberration admitted, but once every other “alternative” became approved, why not? Their plea for tolerance would become accepted in a culture that had already decided sex was just another commodity anybody could enjoy in any form they could imagine.
The consultation in Charissa’s bedroom had been the most challenging event for Shad in regard to the pedophilia, and he felt an extra dose of self-loathing as he reconsidered her dilemma now. But what about all that time she had spent with Vic before today? After an initial flash of panic, Shad consoled himself that if there was any intuition he did possess, it was the ability to pick up cues from abuse victims. At least as of the last time Shad was with her, the only symptoms of abuse he noticed were those imposed by her father.
So what had Vic been waiting for? Shad felt distinctly uncomfortable trying to analyze this criminal’s mind. He was still convinced Vic’s motivation was rooted in entitlement, not attraction. In other words, Shad was dealing with somebody like Brody, not Wally. That urge to crawl out of his own skin swept through him again.
Vic had obviously been one to play it safe if he chose victims who were unable to divulge his activity. His initial interest in the ring’s website was probably just to indulge in another genre of pornography. But he would have recognized Charissa’s vulnerability and most likely found it provocative. Maybe Vic had been biding his time, waiting for Charissa to reach some opportune moment that would keep his assault hidden.
For Vic to break out of his routine he had to decide this action was worth the risk. If he figured the police were going to come after him anyway for his involvement in a murder conspiracy, Vic might have decided to take Charissa with him as “consolation” while he went on the lam. Shad berated himself for his knee-jerk reaction of trying to keep Vic away from Charissa. His request had probably alerted Vic that the secret had been uncovered.
So many secrets and so little time. Everybody including Shad had something to hide. Secrets were really such a simple thing, but they added complications in so many ways. As often as they were used to conceal something dark and despicable they were also useful in plans to share joy and celebration.
Secrets....
Charissa’s voice drifted to the surface of his memory. “Vic is gonna take us to his friend Drake’s houseboat one day. But he said not to tell Mom because it was a surprise.”
Charissa had told him one of Vic’s secrets. Could that be the clue Shad was looking for?
But what houseboat? Like any other vehicle it would have to be registered, but in a region with two large rivers and a nearby reservoir, that meant there could only be, what, a thousand or more? And who was this friend named Drake?
If Vic decided to lay low for a while, maybe wait for the cover of darkness, he would need somewhere private to stay. Could it also be possible that as the accessory Vic would hide out with the actual triggerman? Shad felt the rage stir and pushed it back down.
It was a long shot, only one of many scenarios Vic might decide to play out, and one that law enforcement might not be able to investigate immediately. Even if Shad tipped them off, he’d never forgive himself if that trail proved to be cold while the police missed the one that led to Charissa. Let them follow the more promising leads, but Shad owed it to Charissa to ensure no stone was left unturned.
Hopefully a name like Drake would prove unique, but Shad needed access to the internet. Everything metropolitan was behind him – there were only small towns on this highway from here to Jeff. Restaurants, book stores, and hotels were few and far between. Shad pulled the car off on a little side road long enough to unpack his laptop and open it on the seat beside him. He was about to give the term “drive-by download” a whole different meaning.