He slopped whisky over the carpet. “What was that?” He looked up at me with watery, mean eyes.
“I said you couldn’t buy a woman like that because you’re a down-at-heel punk.”
“You’ll be sorry for that,” he said. The two veins in his temple beat faster. “As soon as I saw you, I knew you’d start trouble. You’re going to try to take her from me, aren’t you?”
I grinned at him. “Why not? There’s nothing you can do about it, is there?”
“But I’ve bought her, damn you,” he exclaimed, punching the arm of the chair. “Don’t you know what that means? She’s mine for tonight. Can’t you act like a gentleman?”
I still didn’t believe him. “Let’s have her in,” I said, laughing at him. “After all, a hundred dollars isn’t a great deal of money. I might offer more.”
He struggled out of his chair. He was drunk, but there was a lot of weight in his shoulders. If he caught me when I wasn’t ready for him, he might do me some damage. I backed away.
“Now don’t get excited,” I said, giving ground as he crowded me. “We can settle this without fighting about it. Let’s get her in . . .”
“She’s had a hundred bucks from me,” he said, speaking in a low furious voice. “I’ve waited eight weeks for this. When I asked her to come away with me she said all right. But when I went to her place her goddam maid said she was out. Four times she pulled that trick on me and each time I knew she was upstairs laughing at me and watching me from her window. But I wanted her. I was a sucker, see? I raised the price every time I called. And she came when I said a hundred bucks. It was all right until you turned up. Neither you nor any other monkey will stop me now.”
He made me feel a little sick. I still only half believed him, but I was certain I could not have him in the cabin any longer. He had to go.
I took out my wallet and tossed a hundred dollar note at his feet. As an afterthought I added another ten. “Get out,” I said. “There’s your money with interest.”
He stared down at the money, blood leaving his face. He made a soft choking noise as if he were trying to clear the phlegm in his throat. Then he raised his face and I saw I had a fight on my hands. I did not want to fight him, but if he wanted it that way, he could have it.
He shuffled towards me, his long arms held forwards as if he were going to tackle me. When he was within reach, he made a grab at me. I did not avoid him, but stepped close and slammed my fist in his face and ripped down. The big signet ring I wore on my little finger ploughed a furrow in his cheek. He rocked back with a grunting gasp and I hit him again on the bridge of his nose. He went down heavily on his hands and knees. Then I walked over to him and deliberately taking aim, I kicked him under his chin. His head snapped back and he collapsed on the carpet. He was finished and he hadn’t even touched me.
Eve stood in the doorway watching. Her eyes were wide with surprise.
I smiled at her. “It’s all right,” I said, blowing on my knuckles. “Go back to bed. He’s leaving in a moment.”
“You didn’t have to kick him,” she said coldly.
“No.” I liked the flash of anger in her eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that. I guess I got mad. I wish you’d go away.”
She went then and I heard the bedroom door close.
Barrow sat up shakily and put his hand to his face. Blood ran down his fingers onto his cuff. He looked at it stupidly and then touched his throat.
I sat on the table and watched him. “You’ve got a two mile walk to Big Bear Lake. You can’t miss the road. Just keep straight on downhill. There’s a hotel before you reach the lake. They’ll put you up. Now, beat it.”
He did something I hadn’t expected from him. He put his hands to his face and wept. That told me he was yellow right through.
“Get up and beat it,” I said in disgust. “You make me sick.”
He got up and moved to the door. His arm was across his eyes and he was snivelling like a kid who’s hurt.
I picked up the hundred and ten dollar bills and shoved them into his top pocket.
He actually thanked me. He was as yellow as that.
I took him to the front door, gave him his bag that stood in the lobby and shoved him into the rain.
“I don’t like your kind,” I said, “so keep out of my way.”
I watched him move down the stoop, then the rain and the wind and the dark closed around him.
I shut and locked the door and stood in the lobby. I had a tight feeling in my chest and head and I badly wanted a drink. But there was one thing I had to know which wouldn’t wait for a drink. I went to my bedroom and pushed open the door.
Eve stood by the dressing table, her arms locked tightly across her breasts. Her eyes were watchful.
“He’s gone,” I said, remaining in the doorway. “I gave him the hundred dollars you owed him and he actually thanked me.”
There was no change in her expression, nor did she say any-thing. She had the stillness of a cornered, dangerous animal.
I eyed her. “Don’t you feel sorry for him?”
Her mouth tightened in contempt. “Why should I feel sorry for any man?”
When she said that I knew what she was. I didn’t have to kid myself any longer. I really hadn’t thought that Barrow was lying. The stuff about the maid and how he had bargained was too smooth to be a lie. I was hoping it was a lie, but now, I knew it wasn’t.
So she was anybody’s woman. No one would have known it to look at her. She had ignored me. She — a woman who was looked upon by society as an outcast — had had the audacity to ignore me. I suddenly wanted to hurt her as I never had wanted to hurt anyone before.
“He told me he’d bought you,” I said, moving into the room and closing the door. “You’re very deceptive, aren’t you? You know I really didn’t think you would be for sale. A hundred dollars, wasn’t it? Well, I’ve taken you over, only don’t think I am paying any more. I’m not, because I can’t imagine you could be worth more than a hundred dollars to me.”
She didn’t move nor did her wooden expression change. Her eyes were a shade darker and the sides of her nostrils had gone white. She leaned against the dressing table, one small white hand playing with a heavy brass ashtray that happened to be at her side.
I walked over to her. “It’s no use looking at me like that. I’m not afraid of you. Come on, show me what you can do.”
As I reached out for her, she suddenly whipped up the ashtray and smashed it down on my head.
CHAPTER FOUR
IT is true to say that most men lead two lives — a normal life and a secret life. Society is, of course, only able to judge a man’s character by his normal life. If he makes a mistake, however, and his secret life becomes public property, then he is judged by his own secret standards and is, more often than not, ostracized as a punishment. In spite of this, he is still the same man who, a moment before, received the plaudits of Society. At least, he is the same man with the one important difference: he has been found out.
By now, because of my complete frankness, you may have come to the conclusion that I am an exceedingly unpleasant person. You may even have decided that I am unethical, dishonest, vain and worthless. These conclusions are not due to your insight and perception, they are due entirely to my own frankness.
If you met me socially, if you became my friend, you would find me quite as agreeable as any one of your other friends because I should be most careful always to be at my best in your company.
I would not bother with such an elementary point as this if it were not for the fact that you may wonder why Carol loved me. Even now I remember her with deep attachment. She was a person of great sincerity and integrity. I would not like you to judge her by my standards because she loved me.