Oh shit, what was I doing?!
Stopping abruptly, I pulled my face away from Finn’s and shoved him away with the hands that were on his chest. He was quite a bit larger than me so I couldn’t move him much, but the force was enough that he took a step back. His face held a look of confusion and lust, and his eyes were wild. I wanted him to take me back into his arms and keep kissing me, but I knew I had to stop this. I wasn’t going to let him back into my life. Not like this, and not when he could totally crush me. I might not be living the perfect life but I still had Weston at home waiting for me. We had a lot of things that needed to be worked out, but I couldn’t give up on my marriage.
I needed to get away from Finn. His scent, the look on his face, the magnetic pull I felt towards him was too much. I had to get back inside and tell Harper we needed to leave… like now! Side stepping Finn, I darted for the doors.
“Emilyn, please don’t go.” Finn pleaded.
Making it to the doors I turned around, “I have to Finn. I’m not sure what that was that just happened but I do know that it was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened and I need to go.” He looked crushed and that’s exactly how my heart felt at that moment. I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t believe I just let him kiss me. I had just cheated on West. I wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with that but I couldn’t think about that just then. Spinning back around, I opened the door and made my way back in, leaving Finn standing there watching me walk away.
I found Harper speaking to a group of people I didn’t know very well. They didn’t notice me approach so I managed to discretely get Harper’s attention. She could tell right away by the look on my face that I was about to fall apart. Giving me a slight nod, she excused herself and came over.
“Em, what’s the matter?”
“I need to get out of here. I feel like I can’t breathe and I think I’m about to be sick. Please Harper, let’s go get the car and leave.” I felt the panic creep up on me as I battled back the urge to fall to pieces in front of everyone.
“Okay honey, let’s go. Just hold on, everything will be okay.” She looked so worried and I saw her looking around for someone, but I didn’t know who. Her eyes stopped abruptly when they made contact with Kyler’s. His eyes shifted over to me and he could see the distress I was in. Kyler must have seen something on my face, because he turned and went out the same doors I’d just come through. I was sure he had gone to see how Finn was. I wanted to care about Finn’s feelings, but wondering if he was okay was too much to process. The tears threatened to spill out of my eyes for the second time, and I wasn’t sure I could hold them back much longer.
Harper and I made our way to through the hall to the lobby and out the front doors of the Hilton. The valet took our ticket and about three minutes later he pulled up in Harpers car. She tipped him and he held the door open for me to climb in. When we were both settled and driving away, she finally spoke. “Emilyn what the hell happened? Jesus fucking Christ, I wouldn’t have let him take you outside if I knew he would do this to you.”
I shook my head and turned my head towards the window, finally allowing the tears to fall. “It wasn’t him Harper. I just don’t think I was ready to see him again. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to see Finn.” I stopped and took a deep breath in and blew it back out. “I need you to drop me off at Mom and Dad’s. I need to leave tonight.”
“Em, you don’t have to leave tonight. Just stay and we’ll talk in the morning.”
“I can’t Harper. I need to go home and sort my head out. Please?”
She sighed and said, “Alright hon, I’ll take you home. Just breath Em.”
We eventually made it to my parents’ house and hugged tightly, saying our goodbyes. It wasn’t going to be easy explaining my sudden need to leave to my parents, but I had no doubt that they’d understand.
What the hell was I thinking? I stood out on the patio after kissing Em, after just letting her walk away from me. Well of course I let her walk away from me; it wasn’t like she was mine for me to be putting my hands all over.
Kyler walked out—probably looking for me—and saw the look on my face, paused for a beat trying to read me then asked, “You kissed her didn’t you?”
I just stared straight ahead.
“Jesus Finn, you dumbass! You kissed her didn’t you?” When I didn’t answer him he continued. “She’s fucking married man! What the hell were you thinking? She and Harper took off pretty quickly. Em looked upset.”
“I wasn’t thinking.” I felt defeated. Normally Kyler didn’t talk to me this way but after what I’d just done a verbal smack down was entirely justifiable.
He sighed and put his hand on my shoulder. “Well, what do you plan on doing?”
“I don’t know Ky. I’m sure she’s already on the first plane back to her husband.” I scrubbed my hand down my face. She was gone and I didn’t think I was ever going to see her again. What a way to burn yet another fantastic farewell into my memory. “I need a drink.”
“Now that I can help you with.” We turned and walked back inside. The reunion was still in full swing and no one appeared to have noticed what had happened between me and Emilyn. Nobody knew that I just made a huge mistake. I should have just talked to Emilyn instead of coming on to her. But I couldn’t help it. My Tiny Girl had been stood right in front of me and I’d wanted nothing more than to keep her safe and take away the hurt I saw in her eyes. But dickhead that I was, I probably ended up causing more.
I’d kept tabs on Em after high school, and had heard from several of my old classmates how hard she’d taken the break up. They said she’d stayed holed up in her house for months, and even when she did resurfaced she looked bad. She’d been thin, had dark circles under her eyes, and just looked plain miserable. I wanted to go to her so many times and tell her that I had made a mistake and beg her to take me back. I’d never told her why I left. I was hoping to tell her tonight. I knew she deserved an explanation. I didn’t know how she would have taken the information—or if it would have even mattered to her—I just knew I needed to tell her why. I knew I hadn’t handled walking away from her as well as I should have.
As I sat sipping my beer, my cell phone buzzed. I took it out and looked at it. It was from Val, wanting to know when I was coming home and if we could get together. I knew her song and dance. Valerie was a high maintenance girl who liked my title more than me. She liked to say that she was dating a songwriter, and rub elbows with the bands I worked with. It was never about me with her. In truth, I was using her as much as she was using me because I only really kept her around to pass the time. I didn’t feel like dealing with her shit right then, so I put my phone back in my pocket. I’d text her tomorrow.
Kyler and I stayed to hang out with Corey, Michael, and some of our other old teammates. I wasn’t the best company, but Ky made up for my lack of conversation. We decided that we’d head home the next day. I didn’t give a shit about this town without Emilyn in it, and I wanted to get back and write. Kyler would be back in town again in a couple of months because his Dad’s health was going downhill and he wanted to buy a place near his parents. I had a feeling he’d be looking up a certain realtor to help him find the right house. Maybe he could get some information about Em out of Harper. Call me a selfish bastard, but I’d do anything to get another chance to talk to her again. I needed to get a hold of Harper to see if she’d give me Em’s number so I could shoot her a text.
“Hey, I’m going to make a quick call, I’ll be right back.” I told the guys.