“Actually I am in the middle of a divorce, which is why I’m here getting tested. I need to know that whoever he was with was clean.” His eyes grew wide, but he quickly pieced together what I was telling him. Then something occurred to me. “Oh my god, did you find something in those tests? Do I have a lump somewhere? Am I dying?” I was panicking! I was too young for cancer. But that’s what everyone that gets cancer says. They never thought it would happen to them. Feeling myself beginning to panic attack I said with a shaky voice, “What did you find? I don’t need anybody here with me, please just tell me.”
“Your STD test results will take about a week to come back, but I did find something.” He paused. “Emilyn we ran a couple of our usual tests on your urine sample checking for things like dehydration, elevated white cell count, pregnancy, proteins, etc.” He took a long pause glancing back down at my paperwork. “Emilyn, you’re pregnant.”
I wasn’t sure that I’d heard him right. “What?” He repeated that my pregnancy test had come back positive, and that they were scheduling me for a full exam to make sure everything was okay and estimate a due date. I felt like my whole world had flipped upside down. I couldn’t possibly be pregnant; I was getting divorced from a man who never wanted to have children with me. I’d always wanted to be a Mom but not like this, not in a broken home. And any child deserved more than a broken mother. How had this happened anyway? I was on birth control and that was supposed to be like ninety-nine percent effective.
“Emilyn, I realize you’re probably feeling a bit shocked. I am assuming your ex-husband is the father?” I nodded. “Well, maybe you should give him a call when this news settles in. In the meantime you need to make sure you’re getting plenty of rest, drink lots of fluids, and make sure that if you experience any extreme cramping or bleeding, you call right away.”
I nodded again feeling at a loss for words. Then my head snapped up as suddenly remembered something. “Umm… Dr. Monroe?” He looked up at me. “I was in town not too long ago for a class reunion, and I may have had too much to drink. Could that have hurt the baby?” I might not be sure how I felt about being pregnant, but I hoped I hadn’t drowned it with alcohol!
He gave me a slight smile, “I’m sure everything is fine. You haven’t shown any signs of miscarriage, and that early in pregnancy, you had no way of knowing. It happens to a lot of women. The first trimester can be nerve wracking. I’ll send you home with some information, and a prescription for prenatal vitamins. Check out with the receptionist before you leave so we can schedule to see you and nail down a due date.” He started to stand up to leave, “Oh and Emilyn, this is a good thing. I’m sure you’re having a hard time processing this information given your situation, but babies are a blessing. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.” With those parting words, he walked out.
I gathered my things and walked back out to the reception to make a follow-up appointment and to get my STD test results. I had barely processed a thing. I knew what he’d said but it just wasn’t sinking in. I scheduled an appointment for the middle of the following week. I was struggling to get my head around the news. In addition to the birth control, West and I hardly ever had sex. I needed some convincing that this was true. I got in my car and drove to Walgreens. I went straight to the back to get my prescription and three different brands of pregnancy test. The cashier looked at me curiously but didn’t say anything, which was probably a good idea because I wasn’t sure how I would’ve reacted if she had.
I didn’t know how I made it all the way back to Harper’s house. I walked in and went straight to the fridge to drink half a gallon of orange juice; hoping it would make me produce enough pee to practically fill the tub so I could take all these damn tests. Deciding it would be best to pee into a cup, I grabbed some disposable ones from the cupboard and went to the bathroom to do my business. About thirty minutes later I was sitting on the bathroom floor surrounded by pregnancy test wrappers, open instructions, and cups of pee on the counter and edge of the tub.
Eight tests.
Eight positive results.
There was no denying I was pregnant. I had no idea what I was going to do. How was I supposed to tell West? He’d told me that he never wanted kids with me before I walked out, so how the hell would he take this news? Should I wait until I was out of the first trimester to call him? But, then the divorce would be over and I wouldn’t receive any child support. Did I even want child support? What if West decided that he wanted to be a part of the child’s life—or even worse—wanted custody?
I’d been having so many conversations in my head that I jumped when Harper called out my name. How long had I been sitting there? I looked over my shoulder and saw it was dark outside. Picking up my phone, I saw that it was almost seven o’clock. I’d been in there for over three hours. When Harper came and stood in front of the bathroom door, her eyes widened in shock and her mouth dropped open.
“Holy fuck,” was all she said, while she stood still looking around the room at all the pregnancy test paraphernalia. “Em, what is all of this?”
I cleared my throat and simply said, “Well I went to the doctor today. I won’t find out the results of the STD tests until next week.” I laughed bitterly. “But the doctor found something else in my tests.” And I said no more. That’s when Harper made eye contact with me and I burst out crying.
“Oh shit, honey it’s okay.” She dropped to the floor and held my head in her hands, hugging me against her chest while I clung to her and cried my eyes out.
“It’s not okay Harper. What am I going to do with a baby? My life is a mess, and now I’m going to throw a child into the mix.” I chocked back a sob.
She kissed the top of my head and pushed me away by my shoulders to look in to my eyes. “Your life is not a mess. You are climbing over a hurdle but you will move on from this. We’ll deal with it together. I’m not walking away from you. And even if we look like a couple of lesbos raising a baby together and all that hippy shit, then that’s what we’ll do.” I couldn’t help myself, I started laughing and Harper soon followed. How was it that she knew how to make me laugh when I felt like my life was on the brink of collapse? I was really fortunate to have Harper in my life. I loved her.
When we settled down, I glanced around and felt the mood shift back to being serious. “I don’t know how I’m going to tell West, Harper. I have a feeling this isn’t going to go over well.”
She sighed, knowing I was right. “Well, he doesn’t have much choice in the matter. We will call him in a couple of days. Do you have a due date?
“I go in next week to find out.”
“How about we call him together when you find all that out and if it becomes too much, I’ll take over the call?”
“Okay.” The tears began to prick my eyes again, but I didn’t want to cry anymore. “Tell me something—anything—to help take my mind off of this.”
“Anything?” She asked inquisitively. I couldn’t read her face.
“Yes, please!”
“Okay then. Well here’s something you didn’t know. I had sex with Kyler in high school.”
I wasn’t expecting that. “What the fuck Harper?!”
“What? You said anything? Plus you wanted to know what was going on between him and me at the reunion. Now you know” She said this all too casually.
“I realize that, but why are you just now telling me this? Don’t you think you should have said something about it oh I don’t know… in high school?!”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t know what to say. It just sort of happened and I wanted to forget all about it.”
“When?”
“You remember when I stayed home from school after the triplet bitches took that stupid picture of me?” I nodded. “And you know that Kyler came over to my house to talk to me?” I nodded again. “Well it happened that afternoon.”