I shook my head, “Never mind. That was insensitive of me to ask. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Em,” He laughed. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I was kidding around. To answer your question, I don’t know. I’ve asked myself that same question a hundred times. And every time I do, the one thing I keep coming back to is how much I regret taking the advice.”
“So why did you?”
“Another good one. At the time it just seemed right. I always looked up to my Dad as a smart, caring, gentle man. He was my mentor, he was my hero. The love that he and my Mom shared was legendary. I wanted what they had.”
The lump in my throat was too much to handle and tears sprang from my eyes, running down the side of my cheeks.
“So you let me go because you wanted to find someone else to love like your Dad loved your Mom?” Damn it, why did we start talking about this?
“No, you’re not understanding me Em. What I’m saying is, I thought it was best that I let you go live your life. I didn’t want us to have any regrets if we married right out of high school. I thought we would be stronger, better even, for seeing what was out there. I knew I wanted you for the rest of my life, but the idea of you thinking I’d trapped you, or us drifting apart as we grew older, killed me. It was never about finding someone else. You were my girl Emilyn.”
I was full on sobbing now. Trying to catch my breath, I decided it was best that I talked about what happened to me when he left. Maybe it would give me the closure I needed.
“Do you have any idea what I went through after you left?”
“I called around every once in a while to ask about you.” His face became pained.
“I couldn’t function Finley!” I pushed him off of me, and moved to put on a night shirt. I didn’t want to be naked in front of him right now—not when I was already feeling so exposed. When dressed, I turned around to face him. I leaned back on the dresser, and watched him lying on the bed, watching me in return. He looked like I had punched him in the stomach.
“I’m not telling you this to hurt you, but I need you to understand what it did to me. After that night, when you left me in that parking lot, life was no longer the same for me. You were ‘the one’ Finn. I loved you with my whole heart and I wanted nothing more than to just be with you. Even if we had stayed together until this very day, marriage was never the ultimate goal. I knew that then as much as I know it now. I had to be carried out of that parking lot. I barely remember the days that followed. I just remember the ache. I was a lifeless shell, a girl who couldn’t even get herself dressed every day.” I was hurting him. Finn was a strong man, but even strong men cry and I could see tears glistening in his eyes. “Nobody could snap me out of the state I was in. My Dad eventually gave me the option of working for him.”
“I knew you were having a hard time, but I didn’t know it was like that for you.”
“Every single part of me was broken. Any semblance of my heart was shattered, and I truly felt that nothing would ever make me whole again. I couldn’t even give my own husband my whole heart because it was with you!” I was shouting at him while the tears soaked my face.
He jumped off the bed and came at me so quickly I barely registered the movement. He pulled me into his arms. “Shhh… please calm down. You need to catch your breath for the baby.” He tucked my head in to his chest and whispered in my ear. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m so fucking sorry! I had no idea that was how you felt. I should have never left. I’m sorry. It was the biggest mistake of my life.”
He pulled back cradling my head in his hands. With conviction in his eyes and his voice he said, “I swear I’m never leaving you again Em. Never! You are mine. Do you understand me? Mine! And if I have to spend the rest of my life finding every single piece of your broken heart, I will. I will put you back together again Em. I’ll do it because I’m still so in love with you. I will fix you, and I’ll fix this.”
He supported my weight until he decided to pick me up and carry me over to the bed. He sat down and cradled me on his lap. He brushed my hair back from my tear stained face. He loved me. Finley still loved me, and the truth was I still loved him. I’d never stopped. But I couldn’t tell him that I loved him. Not right now. Not after this talk. It wouldn’t feel right while all these old feelings were still coursing through me. He was sorry.
“I’m sorry I’ve fallen apart on you. This was so not how I saw this night happening.” I smiled a stiff smile up at him.
He kissed the tip of my nose. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine. We needed to talk about it, and I meant what I said Tiny Girl. I’m not going anywhere.”
I nodded my head under his chin. The only way for him to prove he wouldn’t leave again was to give him time, and I was more than willing to give that. But I was worried he would see that I wasn’t the same person anymore. He didn’t run away screaming after seeing me naked so that was a plus, but my heart wasn’t the same anymore. I was scared that I’d always wonder if he’d change his mind about me. That one day he’d look at me and say “I can’t do it, she’s too damaged.” I let out a large sigh, and told myself time… just give it time.
“Wake up Tiny Girl.” I felt something nuzzling the underside of my ear. I was warm and cozy and I’d just had the best night’s sleep in a very long time. Still half asleep I moaned. It had been the best dream ever and I refused to wake up. I was dreaming that Finn had stayed in bed with me after an amazing night of foreplay and heartfelt conversation. Scooting in closer to my warm spot, I drifted deeper into my happy haze.
“Em, are you going to sleep the day away?” There was that voice again. It was speaking so softly that I wanted to roll around and wrap myself up in it. I felt a small tickle on the side of my neck. “My sweet girl…” I opened one eye and looked around the room. Where was I? Turning my head a bit, I opened the other eye. Oh that’s right, I was in my room.
“There’s those bright blue eyes.” I suddenly shifted to face where the noise was coming from. Finn was lying beside me, his arms wrapped around my center, and a hand on my stomach. Holy cow I hadn’t been dreaming! He really did sleep with me last night. While I lay there sifting through the memories of last night, I realized he was talking to me and I hadn’t been paying attention.
“I’m sorry, I guess I’m not totally awake yet. What did you say?”
He chuckled. “I said, did you sleep well?”
Covering my mouth, I stifled a yawn, “I slept well. I could probably sleep the whole day away.” I closed my eyes and started to drift again.
“Em…” Finn said again against the shell of my ear. “Tiny Girl, we have your appointment soon. You need to wake up.” The soft air that was swirling around my ear was giving me goose bumps and doing things to me that made me want a repeat of the night before. I re-opened my eyes and looked at the clock. Holy shit I’d slept until eleven!
I flew up out of bed quickly. Well, as quickly as a five-month pregnant woman can move. “Son of a bitch, I’m going to be late!” I grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom to get dressed. I vaguely heard Finn laughing as he shuffled towards the door. Not wanting him to see me naked again—and definitely not in the bright morning light—I threw on my pants and shirt just before the bathroom door opened.
He was standing there in the doorway, a pair of boxer briefs sitting low on his hips. I couldn’t help but stop and admire the godly man before me, taking in everything from his long lean legs, to that perfect V that led up to his tightly packed abs; his broad chest, to his gorgeous face. I sighed loudly. Even his hair was a perfect sexy mess that I wanted to run my fingers through. Despite his Adonis-like body, it was his eyes that stood out the most. With the sunlight shining through the bathroom window, his eyes were a crystal-clear blue that hypnotized me. I was getting the full effect of them as he stared right at me like he wanted to devour me. Holy shit I wanted him… like right then!