Re: What is up with this?
They had a CAT????
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Re: What is up with this?
It was her cat. She left it with Cal because her new boyfriend was allergic. Cal took care of it for almost a year, hoping Valerie would change her mind and come back. But she didn’t. So Cal got himself assigned to Iraq.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Re: What is up with this?
What happened to the CAT?????
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Re: What is up with this?
Oh. The cat died right before he decided to leave. Of cancer. Mark says he isn’t sure which left Cal more brokenhearted—his wife leaving him, or the cat dying.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Re: What is up with this?
You are such a liar. You made that whole thing up about the cat dying. What really happened to it?
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Re: What is up with this?
He gave it to Tim Grabowski in IT.
Still. The cat COULD be dead now, for all I know. Poor, poor Cal.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Re: What is up with this?
You are so pathetic.
And I wouldn’t feel too sorry for Cal Langdon if I were you. He’s doing just fine for himself.
Promise you won’t let Mark drive through the mountains. He will plunge us to our deaths.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Re: What is up with this?
Um. Yeah. Maybe I’ll drive after lunch. Or we can get Cal “Large Appendage” Langdon to do it.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Re: What is up with this?
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You trust him to drive????
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Re: What is up with this?
Yes, of course! Unlike some people, he’s actually used to driving in a foreign country.
What is your problem with him, anyway? He was perfectly nice during dinner last night, didn’t you think? And he’s been nothing but charming all morning. So what gives?
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Re: What is up with this?
Nothing. Stop e-ing me, they totally know we’re talking about them.
Thank God they don’t know WHAT we’re talking about, though.
Ew.
J
___________________________________________
To: Mark Levine <mark.levine@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Ruth Levine <r.levine@levinedentalgroup.com >
Re: Hello!
Is that any way to speak to your mother, I would like to know? I KNOW you think you’re in love with Holly.
And I will admit she is a very nice girl.
But I don’t think she’s the RIGHT girl for you, Mark. You two come from two different worlds. Don’t get me wrong, I completely appreciate the Italian heritage. They brought so many important things to the world, such as pasta and that nice Mario Batali from the Food Channel.
But what kind of future do you and Holly have together? What religion would you raise your children? Are you going to have a Christmas tree? You know the Di Marcos down the street have an entire holy manger scene in their front yard every year, made from cut-out pieces of plywood. Is that what you want, Mark? The baby Jesus in your front yard? Are you trying to kill me?
I’m just saying, I’m sure Susie Schramm has grown into a very interesting, vibrant girl. Why don’t you see her, just for lunch? What could one lunch hurt? You have a little lunch, catch up on old times… who knows where it could lead?
Call me, Markie. I’m worried about you. Really.
Mom
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Darrin Caputo <darrin.caputo@caputographics.com>
Re: Hello, it is your mother
I am using your brother’s email to write this to you. Your father says I should not, that you are an adult and I should let you lead your own life, like your brothers.
But all of your brothers found nice Italian girls—except for Frankie with that stripper. But even she is a good Christian, when she is not taking her clothes off for money.
Even Darrin, even HE found a nice Italian boy. Bobby came over for dinner last night and finished up ALL my chicken parmigiani. Such a good appetite.
I don’t understand why you cannot do the same as your brothers. What is so wrong with finding a nice Italian boy to settle down with? Even a Polish boy would be all right, if he were Catholic. Why do you have to be with this Mark? He is a very nice boy, but he is not Catholic. What does he know about anything?
I am asking you to think about what you are doing with your life. People are starting to think things about you and this Mark. I saw Jane Harris’s mother in the grocery store, and she was talking like you and Mark are getting married. If you are not careful, other people will begin to think the same, and eventually word will spread to Father Roberto, and then how will I be able to hold my head up at Mass on Sunday?
Think about your life, Holly. Do the right thing.
Mom
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon <cal.langdon@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Graziella Fratiani <grazielle@galleriefratiani.co.it>
Re: Yesterday
It was so lovely to be seeing you yesterday afternoon. You are a twenty-first-century man, not like these Italian boys I constantly meet. You know, still living with Mama, and expect all women to cook and clean for them. It’s nice to be with a man who washes his own socks.
Did I tell you, I’m between shows at the moment, so I can take a little time off from the gallery. Might I to be joining you at your little villa later in the week? I think I can—“rough it”? Let me know.
Grazi
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>
Fr: Julio Chasez <julio@streetsmart.com>
Re: The Dude
Hey, Ms. Harris. I got your messages. Just wanted to let you know your cat is fine. Really.