Sing oh Sing of Great Lord Uulf
And the bard did sing:
In ancient days there was an oaf of great renown sent to the eastern tribes from the great creator above because they were pious and did follow the tenets of great scripture.
And Uulf, son of oaf and angel, ventured into the dark provinces of the west seeking after their wenches of fairest countenance.
When two oafs of the west were sent out against him, he slew them both with one hand.
And then four were sent out against him and he slew all four with his two hands.
And then six were sent out against him and he slew all six with his two hands and a foot.
And then eight were sent out against him and he slew all eight with both hands and both feet.
And they asked themselves, What are we going to do about this? And they sent out ten and he said, Well, I’m all out of limbs. Now I must unsheathe my sword.
And so he did. And they all fell. All in all, on that day he slew thirty oafs of the west, twenty with his hands and feet and ten on the point of his sword.
And he dwelled among the tribes of the west for forty days. He reveled among them and made trouble by day, and at night he frolicked with their wenches. And in between he played the songs of the east on his wing-ed harp, for he was a great lover of music.
And no oaf among them dared to lift the sword against him though he insulted them by singing songs of love for the tribes of the east while in the halls of the west.
And when Uulf finally returned to the east, the great King Hrdrada said to his lords, I have never seen an oaf mighty like this! Bring him to me. He shall lead our armies to victory against the west. Did I hear correctly that he slew thirty while dwelling among them?
But when he came before the king, he told them, No, I shall not slay an oaf for silver, nor banner, nor king, unless it pleases me.
But we are at war, cried the great king. If we do not fight we shall be enslaved by the west.
Then fight your war! Uulf answered. But I shall not be slave to silver, nor banner, nor king — be he king of the west or king of the east. This war began before I was born and it shall be here at my end.
He would not hear another word from the great king, and he began to play his wing-ed harp, for as you know, he was a great lover of music.
He played to his delight, and no oaf among them dared lift a sword against him though he insulted them by playing the songs of the west in the royal palace of the east.
And this insult angered the great and crafty King Hrdrada. In his wrath he whispered to his lords, If Uulf won’t go to the war, we’ll bring the war to him.
And the king ordered his lords to bring the war to Uulf’s house. During a bloody skirmish when the soldiers of the east saw the tide of battle turning against them, their lords ordered them not to surrender, but to retreat to the village where stood the house of Uulf and his old mother.
When the noise of battle awoke Uulf, he quickly hid his mother under a bed. Then he unsheathed his sword and went outside.
Uulf slew 144 on the point of his sword. When the soldiers of the west saw what was happening, they made a hasty retreat.
And the east cried, With Lord Uulf leading us we are assured of victory, for he is mighty in battle.
And they rewarded him with five shield bearers, ten luf’tnts, a hundred female mans to be sacrificed, a hundred wenches of fairest countenance, and a thousand pieces of silver.
But he immediately released the luf’tnts of their obligation to him and he sent them back into the war under other lords;
Likewise, he released the shield bearers and he divided the female mans among them and ordered that they not be sacrificed, for he was a lover of mans;
He also released the wenches of fairest countenance and divided five hundred pieces of silver among them;
He gave the remaining five hundred pieces of silver to his mother.
And he told the crafty and great King Hrdrada, I know what you have done, and I am wise to you. I know it was you who brought the war to the house of my mother. I know that you are implying a threat to her life if I do not do as you ask. I understand that I cannot always be there to protect her from your eternal wars and from you. So I shall do as you ask and lead your armies of the east in battle by day. However, I shall sleep in the houses of the west at night.
And Uulf led the soldiers of the east against the west by day and did slay many, but he slept in the houses of the west at night.
And there was nothing that anyone could do, for Uulf was sent by the great creator and his strength and valor were without equal on earth.
And here the bard did end his song.
Great Lord Uulf Is Brought Down Low
And the bard did sing:
The king of the west, Olentzlero, was brother to the king of the east, Hrdrada. Olentzlero was greatly troubled by Uulf’s insult to him and to his brother, as well as his frolicking at night, which corrupted the morals of the young. Now, this king was wise in his ways. He sent a lord to the house in the west where Uulf slept at night with his wenches. The lord, who arrived with a company of ten oafs, said to Uulf, Come with me, for the great king has a gift for you.
Uulf followed him to a cave. When he went inside the cave the lord and his oafs quickly rolled a large stone to block the entrance. They heard a great noise inside the cave in which they had hidden a great heagle and a great snake. Now this, they said, is the end of Uulf. But after the noise of battle had ended, Uulf pushed away the stone and emerged from the cave wearing the feathers of the heagle as a hat and the skin of the snake as a belt.
He told them, Thank your great king for his gifts. I find them much to my delight.
Then he slew the lord and his ten oafs with his sword.
The next day, he wore the hat of the heagle’s feathers and the belt of the skin of the snake; and leading the oafs of the east against them, he slew a hundred in battle.
The next night the dark king sent a lord to the house wherein Uulf slept with his wenches. The lord said to Uulf, Come with me, my friend, for the great king has another gift for you.
Nodding, Uulf followed him and his company of twenty to a cave. When he went inside the lord and his oafs rolled a large stone to block its entrance. They heard a great noise inside the cave wherein they had hidden a great wulf and a great beo. Now certainly, they said, he cannot prevail against a wulf and a beo. But after the noise of battle had ended, Uulf pushed away the stone and emerged wearing the fur of the wulf as shoes and the fur of the beo as a cloak.
To the lord he said, Thank your great king for his gifts — now I have a cloak and shoes to match my hat and belt.
Then he slew the lord and his twenty oafs at the point of the sword.
The next day he wore the shoes of the wulf’s fur and the cloak of the beo’s fur along with his hat of the heagle’s feathers and his belt of the snake’s skin, and he slew two hundred more in battle.
The next night the dark King Olentzlero sent another lord to the house in the west wherein slept Uulf with his three immoral wenches. The lord said unto Uulf, Come with me, if you dare, for the great king has another gift for you. This lord had a hundred oafs with him.
Uulf followed him to a dark cave. When he went inside the cave the lord and his oafs rolled a large stone over its entrance. And they heard a great noise inside the cave in which they had hidden a beautiful wench with poison in her mouth. When they rolled away the stone they discovered that the noise was the miserable cry of Uulf.
I went to kiss her, Uulf said, and she spit in my eyes and now I am blind. Tell your king he has brought down great Uulf!