Every Boy Should Have a Man

And here the bard did end his song.

Harp Song 104

There is a flower, a common flower, and they all pass it by;

There is a flower, a common flower, with only a thousand, upon a thousand, just the same;

There is a flower, a flower most rare, on the side of a high mountain, and they climb, they climb the mountain, to pick the flower most rare;

They fall, fall from the mountain, to their black graves below, but they climb, climb the mountain, to get the flower so rare;

At last they get, get the flower, the flower that is most rare, and they clutch, clutch the flower, it is a beauty so rare;

The flower, the flower, the flower is love, and it is a beauty so rare.

— Great Lord Gerwargerulf

I Do My Goodness Do

An oaf am I, and I cannot change, but I do my goodness do;
And my brother says, He is evil, can’t you see?

And I do my goodness do, and goodness comes back to me;
But when they ask my brother he says, He is evil, can’t you see?

I plant the seed in season, and feed the hungry and the poor,
I bless my friends with kindness, and forgive my enemies.

And when I ask my brother he says, You’re not evil, can’t you see?
When I ask my brother he says, I am evil, Can’t you see?

When I ask my brother he says, I am jealous of you.

— A folk song from the Forty-Year War;

Attributed to King Wiftet; but attributed by King Wiftet to Lord Gerwargerulf (King Wiftet affirms these are the corrections to his song that Lord Gerwargerulf whispered to him as he lay dying)

Three Little Man Mans

Once upon a time in the Village of Mans, there lived three little man mans who were of the same litter and so they were brothers.

And in the morning the littlest man man went to cross the bridge to go to the field where the trees were ripe with the sweetest fruit.

But as the man man crossed the bridge, there came a loud oafen voice that rumbled up like thunder from a deep pit, a voice so mighty that the bridge shook as the oaf spoke: “Where do you think you’re going, little man man, on my bridge?”

The little man quaked as he answered: “I’m going to the field to eat the ripe fruit.”

“No you’re not,” said the mighty voice.

“Why not?” asked the quaking man.

And the voice answered, “Because I’m going to eat you!”

A mighty oaf came up from under the bridge and grabbed the quaking man in his hands and opened his great mouth to eat him.

The little man man pleaded desperately: “Please don’t eat me, great oaf. I’m really too puny to eat. In a few moments my brother will pass this way. He is much bigger than I and will certainly make a more satisfying meal.”

The oaf smiled at this, for he was very hungry indeed and could use a more satisfying meal than this puny, little man man. And so he released him into the field, then he ducked back under the bridge to wait for the big brother.

Just as the little man man had promised, in a few moments his big brother did arrive, and the bridge did shake with the mighty voice that thundered: “Where do you think you’re going, little man man, on my bridge?”

The second man man, who was quite a bit larger and more delicious looking than the first, quaked as he answered: “I’m going to the field to eat the ripe fruit.”

“No you’re not,” said the thundering voice.

“Why not?” asked the man as he shivered with fear.

“Because I’m going to eat you!” cried the mighty oaf as he came up from under the bridge and grabbed the shivering man in his hands and opened his mouth to feast upon him.

“Please don’t eat me, great oaf,” cried the shivering man. “I’m really too puny to eat. If you are patient, in a few moments my brother will pass this way. He is much bigger than I and will certainly make a more satisfying meal.”

“Another brother? Even bigger than you?” said the great oaf, licking his lips.

So he released the little man into the field and ducked back under the bridge to wait for the big brother.

Sure enough, in a few moments, just as the little man man had promised, his big brother did arrive. And he was a very big man, indeed, for the bridge above the oaf’s head did tremble as he set foot upon it.

The oaf was so hungry he could not wait anymore and he jumped up onto the bridge.

But the big man on the bridge was riding a gallant hoss and wearing heavy armor. He had a long spear, a quiver full of arrows, and a broadsword, which he did heft with ease.

As soon as the oaf saw him he ducked back under the bridge, but there was no safety there. The man hurled his spear into the oaf’s neck, which brought the clawing, crying creature back up, and he filled his great breast with arrows shot from the bow with a strong and sure hand. When the horrid creature fell, the man finished him off with one mighty swoop of the sword and gave the great oafish head to his little brothers.