Every Last Cent

'Yes, fine,' Maud said, while I said no. 'We can go down the outer staircase.'

'It's regulations, see.'

He closed us on the balcony. I heard him shooting bolts along the doors. Reinforced, I now saw. I was ill at ease.

Cars started up, a door slammed. Voices called, a girl laughed, hurry up or Jane'll be late again, hahaha. Maud sipped at her glass. I didn't sip my drink, no wish for it. I find I only hold one because it's expected, don't imbibe as much as others want me to.

It wasn't like I was trapped. And there were worse fates than being encaged with a gorgeous bird like Maud. She placed her glass on the balcony rim and moved close. Her palm came on me. I gasped. Another choice taken out of my hands, so to speak. It isn't the same for women. They can simply say stop it, step aside and that's the end of the matter. A bloke can't. It's their power. My throat went thick. I managed to speak.

'How did you stop Quaker coming here?' I asked.

'I didn't. A friend did it for me.'

'Lanny Langley-Willes?' Had my voice gone higher? I don't usually sound breathless.

Her hand kneaded me.

'Him?' Contempt, so soon? 'He just does a few valuations for Dad.'

Another one from the old regiment, hey? I couldn't speak. She held me in thrall, poets would have said. Somebody below called to check the main doors.

Was the Nok statuette still there? I wondered why somebody had brought it in the first place. With this audience, there was unlikely to be an enormous amount of expertise knocking about. Or had somebody been watching, judging my reaction as me and Maud re-entered? 'Lovejoy, mate?'

I'd never been so relieved to hear Tinker's hoarse yell. Maud exclaimed in anger.

Quickly I bawled down, 'Aye, Tinker. Up here.'

He called, 'There's a feller and two birds at the Drum and Flag.' I couldn't see him in the dark. 'Wants ter see you.'

That was a relief. I'd never wanted to escape from Maud before.

'Door open, is it? This balcony's locked.'

He chuckled, huff-huff-huff followed by a prolonged cough and a spit.

'You randy git. It's all shut. There's wood stairs. Pull the rope.'

'Tell them I'll be there in a minute.'

'Right, son.'

I heard his cough recede. Concealing my relief I turned to Maud and said I'd got to go, would see her after. 'It'll be Quaker, love. Him or the brigadier.'

'Go, Lovejoy?' She seemed to be sulking. I could see her face against the sky glow, not quite a silhouette. 'When we're partners for life?'

'Look, love. I want out from all this.'

'You – want – out?' Her hand slapped my head sideways. 'Don't you understand? I've made sacrifices to get that stupid obsessed dolt out of my life. To have you instead.

And you say you want out?'

Her hand lashed me. I felt stunned, tried to back away, stumbled over something, maybe bottles, a stool.

'Look, Maud. Nothing personal. But the Countess came in the interval. It's only a row between two syndicates. For money.' I sounded relieved even to myself. 'It's nothing important.'

'Nothing important? You're mad, Lovejoy! This means survival. Without your talent the syndicate will go under. People who've never lacked a thing in their lives. Not people used to poverty. People in responsible positions.'

'You mean posh folk should be protected from their own greed?'

'Yes!' she screamed, hitting out at me in fury. I ducked and weaved but still she caught me. I felt against the wall for the bloody rope, get out of this.

Then a bloke's iron grip took my arm. His voice said, 'Stop it, Maudie. I've got him.'

God, but I was relieved. Maud halted her assault. I could hear her breaths, fury in every waft.

'Thought you plod were never on time, Sep,' I gasped.

'No jokes, Lovejoy.'

'Sep?' Maud seemed puzzled. 'What are you doing here?'

'I've come to take Lovejoy into custody, Maudie. I have bad news. I'm sorry.'

'What bad news?' I sounded strangled. 'Tinker?'

Tinker couldn't hide, not with his cough. He's like a foghorn. So Sep must mean—

'Quaker's been found in the river, Maudie. He'd been bludgeoned and drowned. No hope, I'm afraid.'

'But—' Maud looked at me.

'Lovejoy slipped out, and did Quaker. I saw him. Lovejoy was seen coming from there.

Then he went to sit with you. Alibi, see?'

'Me?' I bleated. 'I couldn't club anybody, Sep. You know that. Christ, I was in clink with you.'

'You're under arrest, Lovejoy. Don't move!'

'Sep,' Maud said. 'I don't know what you are saying. Where is Quaker? I want to see him.'

Maybe I could dart past the loon, find those wooden steps Sep must have used.

'Stand still, Lovejoy!' Sep yelled, coming at me swinging something.

I ducked, shoved Maud in front of me, stooping so he'd clout her instead of me. He did just that. I heard the crunch, something hitting her. She shrieked and went down moaning. Verner lashed at me and the world span out of sense. I actually heard blurs and saw Sep loom, arm raised.

A balcony door opened. A light came on. The brigadier stepped out, locking the door behind him. He was in full fig, regimental blues, medals, more brass than you'd see on a fender. From a carnival? How come he had keys? He held something long in his hand.

It shone. But was he help, cavalry to the rescue?

'Verner,' he said quietly. 'That'll do.'

'I had to go for Lovejoy, sir. He was about to do for Maudie.'

'Eh?' I tried to stand, but Verner was too close. 'Stay still, Maud, Lovejoy.'

As if I'd want to move with a homicidal plod intent on battering me to death.

'I had to do it, sir,' Verner explained as if making a report, all calm. 'He'd some daft notion about coming clean to that Quayle tart, and helping the Countess's mob to take us over, do us out of our scheme.'

'Stand by the balcony. I'll get Lovejoy up.'

The brigadier moved. Sep moved. I tried to crawl away behind the recumbent moaning mound that was probably Maud, to hide and let her take the brunt of whatever was coming. I thought maybe I could lob myself over the balcony, splash in the water below. Or was the vertical drop onto the quayside, where I'd smash my brains out on the flagstones—

Something swished. Hot wetness hosed across my neck. I screeched, wailed. The thing went swish, swish. Horrid spurts hosed my face.

A gurgle sounded near me. I clasped Maud and hung on, hoping the maniac wouldn't start swinging at his daughter while him and Verner came to some arrangement.

The brigadier grunted. Sep gurgled, tried to cough, failed. The balcony seemed to shiver a second, but it could only have been my imagination. Something heavy fell, thudding onto stones below.

Vertical. The drop was vertical.

Somebody close by – the brigadier, doubtless – shone a pencil torch into the balcony corners. There was blood everywhere. Maud was covered in it. The brigadier stood there, his expression calm. In his hand he held his sabre. It had surprisingly little blood on it at the tip, but the rest was gore, gore. Even the balcony doors' windows were liberally sprayed with a red cascade slowly trickling down the glass panes.

The brigadier stooped, looked at his daughter, then removed the door key and handed it to me.

'Do the necessary, old chap.'

'Eh?'

His face assumed a pained look. 'Insert the key in the other side of the door, if you please. Don't lock it. Then dial the police.'

'Where from?'

'Try the telephone.' He waited expectantly, then added, 'In the bar.'

I did as he said. Just told them to come fast, and bring an ambulance. They started asking me questions, bloody idiots, as if I knew anything.

'Good man,' Brig said. 'Bring Maud a cushion, Lovejoy.' As I turned, he asked conversationally, 'Oh, where did you leave Quaker?'

'I didn't touch him,' I croaked.

'I know,' he said with exhausted patience. 'You couldn't. He was on the opposite side of the river. Just remember that Verner said that, eh?'

'Right, sir,' I said, wondering what the hell he was on about.