Alex closed the door. She hoped there would be no session next week. The next time she wanted to see Jessica’s face was on the evening news.
SIXTY-ONE
Jessica Ross stumbled out of the premises. She had to get home. Jamie needed her. The neighbours had a dog they often left out in the garden. It could jump the fence and get into the house.
She put the car into gear, silently thanking God for bringing her to Alex; the one single person that understood what she was going through. Being able to open up and be completely honest with Alex had cleansed her of the crippling self-doubt she harboured for her feelings. The story Doctor Thorne had told her of the American woman, Andrea something, was playing over in her mind. She was running out of time.
… As they grew older she would not be able to keep them safe.
Danger was everywhere. The traffic lights at which she now waited could easily malfunction, meaning the cars hurtling down the hill could crash into the side of her Citroen. It had happened in Gornal two years ago and a little girl had been trapped in the wreckage for over an hour.
A car horn sounded behind her. The lights were green. Jessica turned and headed past the garden centre on her left. Two little girls were laughing and running around the car park. They could easily run into the road and be killed. Only last month this stretch of road had claimed a teenage cyclist.
She passed the national speed limit sign but kept to thirty miles an hour between fields on either side. If something were to run out in front of her she would have time to stop.
The vehicle behind rushed up in her rear-view mirror. She saw the crude hand signals he offered as his front bumper played kiss chase with her tailgate. She focussed on the road ahead.
She carefully eased the car to the middle of the road to turn right into the family estate. The car behind honked and sped past on her left, causing a gust of wind to rock the car slightly. She looked to the dashboard. Damn, she’d forgotten to indicate.
She passed a woman pushing a buggy. To her right was a lead that secured a brown Labrador to the handle. On her left was a toddler holding onto the other handle. The dog was on the inside, nearest the houses, and the child was closest to the road. At any second the dog could see a cat and react, taking the whole family with it. Why could people not see these things? Even a simple trip to the park was fraught with danger.
Five-year-old girl … face ravaged … dog attack.
Jessica parked the car in front of her sister’s Ford Ka and let out a breath. The little girl with half a face had chased her all the way home.
She looked towards her home and she knew what she had to do. The meeting with Alex had only clarified what she already knew.
‘Hi, sis, I’m back,’ she called from the front door. The sound of Jamie crying met her ears.
Jessica fought the urge to tear into the lounge, grab her child and protect him. She had to do this right. It was her only chance.
Emma was circling the lounge, rocking Jamie back and forth in her arms. ‘He’s been like this the whole time. I can’t settle him.’
Jessica offered her sister what she hoped was a bright smile and held out her arms. ‘Here, let me take him.’
Jessica took her child into her arms and rocked him gently. She felt his body relax into her own. Content. He knew.
Jessica caught the brief expression of relief that passed over her sister’s face. She resented the fact that everyone thought she had the ability to hurt her child when all she wanted to do was protect him. Any sign of affection to her baby was met with secret little nods and whispers in corners.
‘Good visit?’ Emma asked, sitting on the sofa.
Jessica nodded. ‘Talking with Alex is really helpful. I feel so much better already.’ She stroked her son’s hair. ‘Don’t I, little munchkin?’
She continued to walk around, rocking his little body against her own. ‘I’d never hurt him, Emma,’ she said, fixing her sister with what she hoped was a clear gaze.
Emma swallowed. ‘I know, Jess.’
She softened her gaze. ‘Look, he knows I’d never harm him, don’t you angel?’
He gurgled back at her. Emma laughed.
Jamie’s eyes started to droop with all the rocking. Jessica kissed his head and placed him into the Moses basket.
… Before the next caretaker arrived … seized her opportunity.
She turned to her sister. It was time for her to leave. ‘Well, I’m going to have a nice, long bath while Jamie takes a nap. You’re welcome to sit and wait if you want to.’
She caught Emma’s quick glance at the clock above the fireplace. She had three children of her own and many things to do.
‘Mum’s going to be here in twenty minutes, Em. I’ll be fine.’
Emma looked doubtful.
Jessica smiled reassuringly. ‘Emma, I’m really okay, I promise. I feel so much better.’
Emma looked away. ‘It’s okay. I’ll just wait for a little bit, make sure he’s settled off to sleep.’
Jessica shrugged and headed up the stairs, wishing her sister would just leave. Time was running out. She was halfway up when she heard her name.
‘What is it, Em?’
She turned to find Emma at the bottom of the stairs reaching for her coat. ‘You’re right. I know it’s okay. I trust you.’
Jessica returned to the hallway and hugged her sister. Finally she was going. ‘I really am fine, Em. Don’t worry.’
She opened the front door to let her sister out of the house.
Emma turned. ‘You’re sure?’
Jessica gave her one last hug and nodded. ‘We’ll be fine. I only want what’s best for him.’
Emma walked slowly to her car, probably questioning her decision, but Jessica offered a bright smile as reassurance. If Emma tried to call their mother she would already be on her way and wouldn’t answer her mobile while driving. If she called Mitch it would take him at least twenty minutes to get home.
As her sister pulled away, Jessica offered one last wave and closed the door behind her.
The second she entered the lounge a calmness settled around her that she welcomed. The sound of the television faded into the background.
After her session with Alex she had no doubt that she had been right all along. Initially, Jessica had questioned herself due to the reactions of everyone around her and so she had pretended, she had appeased, and all along she’d been the one in the right.
Her session with Alex had not only given her the confidence in her own convictions, it had vindicated her. She no longer felt guilty for her thoughts. She felt righteous and empowered.
‘Come to Mummy, sweetheart,’ she cooed, reaching into the Moses basket.
His sleepy little body squirmed once and then burrowed into her; his safe place.
She selected a knife from the kitchen drawer and mounted the stairs. She placed Jamie gently in the middle of the bed she shared with Mitch.
In the en-suite bathroom, she placed the knife on the edge of the tub and ran both the hot and cold water to fill the bath quickly. Her son would not be without her for long.
She went to Jamie’s room and took a moment to select his outfit; settling on a white romper suit covered with blue baby dinosaurs. It was her favourite.
Back in the bathroom she turned off the taps and undressed quickly, slipping into a white towelling robe.
As she entered the bedroom, she took a moment to observe her son, awake now, intrigued by these new surroundings. His small hands grabbed at the quilt cover. Jessica felt a rush of pride.
She stood for a moment at the bedroom window, observing a world that allowed the danger to creep closer every day. Satisfied, she closed the blinds and blocked out the terror. The crawling, invisible evil would never get the opportunity to harm her child.