Sometimes it would just be a head-shaking “can you believe it?” and a spirited discourse on how the case could have been handled better. Now and then, though, head-shaking wasn’t enough. If the miscarriage lay in some particularly heinous crime-a serial rapist, a thrill killer, kiddie porn-the talk took another turn, into the realm of biblical eye for-an-eye justice.
My father usually kept quiet during such debates. Then, one time, the conversation turned more heated than I’d ever heard it, over the case of a ten-year-old girl who’d been tortured and murdered. That time Mr. Weekes-a former law professor turned librarian-was the only defender of mercy. When my father had tried to squelch the argument, my uncle had turned to him.
“For God’s sake, Bill. Are you telling me if some sick bastard did this to Nadia, you wouldn’t want to shoot him yourself?”
Without hesitation my father said, in his usual quiet voice, “Of course I would.”
After Amy died, I wanted to sit in on her killer’s trial. My aunt-Amy’s mother-had tried to talk my dad out of letting me, but he’d only said, in that same soft way, “I want her to see justice done.”
I wasn’t allowed to stay for the whole trial-my father took me out during any parts he deemed unsuitable. But even from what I saw, I knew things weren’t going well. Everyone thought it would be so simple. The police had been on the scene moments after Amy’s death, giving her killer time to run but not to cover his traces or hide evidence. And they had me, an eyewitness.
Yet it hadn’t been that easy. Those police on the scene had included the father and uncle of the victim, not acting as investigators and sealing off the scene, but rushing in hoping to save her, hoping to catch her killer. Mistakes had been made. Accusations of tampering were lobbed.
And I wasn’t allowed to testify. As for why, I remember only whispered meetings behind closed doors-the crown attorney with my father, my father with my mother, my parents with Amy’s. Then came the shrinks. Two of them. First one, gently taking me through that day. More whispered conferences with my father and the lawyer followed. Then came the second psychologist. More questions. More prodding. After that, the whispering stopped and the decision was made. I would not testify.
I can only presume they were afraid to put me on the stand. I’d been thirteen, kidnapped, seen my cousin raped, then escaped…only to fail to bring help in time. At best, I was a traumatized witness. At worst, I was a liar, coached by my father and uncle to accuse an innocent man.
Drew Aldrich was acquitted.
At first, I blamed myself. I’d failed Amy once, by running away, then failed her again, by not convincing the prosecutor and the psychologists that I was strong enough to testify. But they had my statements. That should have been enough.
It might have been different if I’d been able to add charges to the case. But Amy had been the victim, not me.
It didn’t matter. Whatever I had done, or failed to do, justice would still be served. That was why I was here. To see justice. My father had promised.
Outside the courtroom, I watched Aldrich bounce down those steps, and I waited for the shot that would wipe the smug smile off his face.
It didn’t come.
Not then. Not ever.
Aldrich left town that day. A free man.
They let him leave.
Amy was dead, and her killer lived, and no one-not even those men I loved and trusted, who’d spoken so passionately about justice-ever did a damned thing about it.
TWENTY
I rolled from bed and padded downstairs, moving quietly so I wouldn’t wake Jack or Evelyn. I knew what I wanted, and I was sure Evelyn wouldn’t mind me helping myself.
In the kitchen, I opened the pantry and scanned the contents. Nothing. Now what? I didn’t feel right pawing through all her kitchen cupboards. There was tea and decaf coffee, but what I craved was cocoa.
That’s what my dad always made me when I slipped downstairs at night. Though I’d claimed insomnia, the truth was, I often came down just for the hot chocolate…and the time with my father.
Dad never went to bed before one. After the eleven o’clock news, my mother retired, and Dad would head into the kitchen, retrieve his briefcase from the back hall and spread his case files across the table. Then he’d work.
As a child, I always harbored the suspicion that he wasn’t really working, but was just taking advantage of some quiet time after my mother went to bed. I know now that his cases had kept him awake. He’d spend the next hour or two running through leads, twisting and turning them in his brain, struggling to fit the pieces together.
When I’d interrupt, he’d just smile, get up, fix the hot chocolate and we’d count how many mini-marshmallows I could cram in. Seventeen was my personal best.
If the case he was working on was child-friendly, he’d tell me about it and not only ask my advice, but act as if he took it seriously, jot down notes, promise to follow up and let me know what happened. He always did; solved or shelved, he’d tell me how it worked out.
I stood in the draft of the open fridge, staring at the milk container.
“Letting out all the cold air.”
I jumped, the door slipping from my hand. Jack stood behind it.
“Have you ever had warm milk?” I asked.
“What?”
“I was looking for hot chocolate mix, but Evelyn doesn’t seem to have any, so I thought maybe I’d try warm milk. They say it helps you sleep. Doesn’t sound too appetizing, though.”
“It’s not.” He skirted around me, opened a cupboard and took out two containers, one labeled cocoa, the other sugar. “Hot chocolate.”
I looked from one container to the other. “Requires cooking skills, doesn’t it? Maybe I’ll just stick with-”
“Sit down.” He grabbed the milk from the fridge.
“No, really, I wasn’t asking-”
“I know. Hand me that saucepan.”
I reached for a big copper pot hanging over the counter.
“No, the sauce-The little one.”
Jack moved to the stove and leaned down to turn it on. As I handed him the pot he turned sharp, nearly colliding with me.
“Here’s the-” I said. “Oh.”
He wasn’t wearing his biker-guy getup from earlier. Not surprising, given the hour, but it was only now, standing a few inches away under the harsh kitchen lights that I realized he wasn’t wearing a disguise at all. The dark brown eyes, the short, wavy black hair, it was what I’d seen all those nights at the lodge. Even his face was pretty much as I remembered…except for one thing.
When I’d first gotten off the plane and seen Jack’s biker disguise, I’d been impressed by the first-rate job he’d done with aging-the crow’s feet around the eyes, the lines around the mouth, the sun-weathered skin that changed him from a man in his thirties to one closing in on the half-century mark. Well…it hadn’t been makeup.
“You’re not wearing a disguise,” I blurted before I could stop myself.
“Neither are you.” He gave a half-shrug. “Seemed only fair.”
There was something expected here, some response-any response-to an action that couldn’t have been made lightly. I opened my mouth, hoping something intelligent would come out. When nothing did, I snapped it shut.
As I handed him the pot, I cursed myself. Was it too late to crawl back to bed?
Jack turned to stir the cocoa in and I found myself looking at the back of his head, noticing the silver mingled with the black. Why was I so shocked? If I’d been thinking logically, I’d have realized long ago that Jack couldn’t be anywhere near my age, not with his reputation.
“I need pants,” I said.
Jack turned and gave me the same “what?” look as when I’d asked about hot milk. Then he glanced down at my bare legs sticking out from under the oversized T-shirt I wore to bed.