“Why must we send children to live in these places? This
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precious girl … this angel … why … why did they have to kill her too … ?”
Ari staggered to his feet. All the strength and power and control that made him Ari Ben Canaan was gone. This was a tired and beaten hulk. “Why must we fight for the right to live, over and over, each time the sun rises?”
The years of tension, the years of struggle, the years of heartbreak welled up in one mighty surge. Ari lifted his pain-filled face to heaven and raised his fists over his head. “God! God! Why don’t they let us alone! Why don’t they let us live"
And his powerful shoulders drooped and his head hung to his chest and he stood and trembled.
“Oh, Ari … Ari!” Kitty cried. “What have I done to you! Why didn’t I understand? Ari, my darling … what you must have suffered. Can I ever be forgiven “for hurting you?”
Ari was exhausted, drained. He walked along the edge of a stall. “I am not myself,” he mumbled. “Please do not let the others know about this.”
“We had better go in. They are waiting for us,” Kitty said.
“Kitty!”
He walked toward her very slowly until he stood before her looking down into her eyes. Slowly he sank to his knees and put his arms around her waist and laid his head against her.
Ari Ben Canaan wept.
It was a strange and terrible sound to hear. In this moment his soul poured out in his tears and he wept for all the times in his life he had dared not weep. He wept with a grief that was bottomless.
Kitty pressed his head tightly against her body and stroked his hair and whispered words of comfort.
“Don’t leave me,” Ari cried.
Ah, how she had wanted to hear those words! Yes, she thought, I will stay, this night and for a few tomorrows, for you need me now, Ari. But even as you show tears and humility for the first time in your life, you are ashamed of them. You need me now but tomorrow … tomorrow you will be Ari Ben Canaan again. You will be all the strong, defiant Ari Ben Canaans who inure themselves to tragedy. And then … you will no longer need me.
She helped him to his feet and dried his tears. He was weak. Kitty put his arm over her shoulder and held him tightly. “It is all right, Ari. You can lean on me.”
They walked from the barn slowly. Through the window they could see Sarah lighting the candles and reciting a benediction. 598
He stoppecj^md released her and straightened himself up, standing tall and strong again.
Already, so soon, he was Ari Ben Canaan again.
“Before we go in, Kitty, I must tell you something. I must tell you I never loved Dafna as I love you. You know what kind of a life you must share with me.”
“I know, Ari.”
“I am not like other men … it may be years … it may be ! forever before I can ever again say that my need for you comes first, before all other things … before the needs of this country. Will you be able to understand that?”
“I will understand, always.”
Everyone entered the dining room. The men put on skull caps.
Dov and Jordana and Ari and Kitty and Sutherland and Sarah. Their hearts were bursting with sorrow. As Ari walked toward the head of the table to take Barak’s place, Sutherland touched his arm.
“If you would not be offended,” Sutherland said, “I am the oldest male Jew present. May I tell the Seder?”
“We would be honored,” Ari said.
Sutherland walked to the head of the table, to the place of the head of the family. Everyone sat down and opened his copy of the Haggadah. Sutherland nodded to Dov Landau to begin.
Dov cleared his throat and read. “Why is this night different from all other nights of the year?
“This night is different because we celebrate the most important moment in the history of our people. On this night we celebrate their going forth in triumph from slavery into freedom.”