“You guys, uh,” said Judy, “you mind if we blame the wolf for that?”
“No, no,” said Thor, “go right ahead.”
“Yeah, totally,” said Catrina. “Absolutely.”
Thirty-Two: Adapt or Die
“And, so,” concluded Judy, “we followed it here, where it proceeded to grotesquely massacre everyone except for myself and Dr. Meola.”
She motioned to Dr. Meola. He was lying in a puddle near the edge of the plaza, curled up in the fetal position and sucking his thumb.
“Even though it really probably should have.”
“But why is it singing?” asked Catrina.
“Couldn’t tell ya.”
“I… I think it’s having a tea party with the heads…”
“Huh, yeah. Looks like,” said Judy. “Maybe the thing’s retarded. Or maybe it just really enjoys dismembering people. Who knows?”
“Well, you, right?” said Catrina. “You should.”
“Pfft, please. I should, sure. But I don’t. So, you know…”
Catrina held back on a response, waiting for Judy to finish her sentence.
Judy did not.
“OK,” said Thor, eventually, “OK. So. You and your scientist friends got bored and created an unstoppable, homicidal monster. Then you let it escape. And then you failed, utterly, in your attempt to stop it, and, in fact, most of you actually managed to die during the attempt.”
Judy nodded in agreement.
“OK, good, fine,” said Thor. “Where are your weapons now?”
“We gave them away.”
“What?” inquired Catrina.
Thor buried his face in his hands.
“They were so heavy! And, I mean, we ran into these two robots along the way that were collecting scrap metal and Dr. Ramos, that’s his leg, over there, he thought maybe they could use them and… you know, I don’t really know what went down, actually, but he ended up handing them most of our weapons. We still had a few, we’re not stupid, but now they’re all scattered with the body parts. And I don’t know where those robots went, so, I mean, for all intents and purposes all of our weapons are lost, I guess. Well, to me anyway…”
“What about your gun?” asked Catrina. “The one you didn’t shoot that other guy with.”
“Oh, it’s empty.”
“Empty.”
“Yep,” replied Judy. “Mysteriously.” She winked at Catrina, but the bag shifted in the process, so Judy had to position the eyehole, hold it steady, and then repeat what she still considered to be a subtle action.
Catrina briefly reflected on the fact that this was the scientist who hadn’t been murdered.
“I do have a hammer, though” said Judy.
“A hammer?” said Thor.
“A hammer.”
Thor would have buried his face in his hands again, but he hadn’t bothered to remove them after the last time.
“Why are you carrying a hammer?” asked Thor.
“I don’t know,” said Judy, “I thought we might need it. You know, to build a shelter or something.”
“You gave away your guns to robots, because they were uncomfortable to carry, but you held onto the hammer, in case you had to build a shelter, even though your research facility is less than five miles away and you were walking toward one of the few remaining centers of urban sprawl left in the world.”
“Yes.”
Thor paused to reflect on the fact that this was the surviving researcher, but Catrina shook her head and mouthed the word, “Don’t.” Thor thought his friend looked like she had been crying for the sake of the future of all humanity. She also looked hungry and slightly cold, like she wanted her dark blue sweater.
Thor didn’t move at all, but Catrina recognized that he understood her condition and would do what he could to remedy their current situation and get her back inside and out of the rain as soon as possible. Catrina, likewise without flinching, thanked him for his continued consideration of her comfort and then apologized for the accidental alliteration. Both of them. Thor was not a fan of repeating consonants, intended or otherwise, but, as he conveyed to her with but the slightest of nods, it was OK, given the circumstances. Catrina didn’t smile, but Thor knew she wanted to.
Thor and Catrina were pretty tight.
“Uh, guys?” said Judy, not really sure why they were just looking at one another.
Catrina took the hammer from Judy and handed it to Thor.
“You up for this?” she asked.
“I don’t think I really have a choice,” replied Thor.
“Well,” said Catrina, “you could let this thing live to wander the countryside and kill more incompetent scientists.”
Thor looked at Judy and her sopping wet burlap sack smile and briefly considered this option.
“No,” he said finally. “It might kill a useful one. Or a baby or something. I should probably stop it now…”
Thor looked down at the “weapon” in his hand.
“… with a fucking hammer.”
Thor hung his head.
“I’m going to die, aren’t I?”
“Looks like,” said Catrina.
“Awesome.”
Thirty-Three: Break It Down
Thor walked through the pouring rain toward the atomic wolfman. The beast, curled up into a ball on the brick plaza, appeared to have tuckered itself out playing and dancing and singing and was now taking a nap.
Thor turned around to face Catrina and Judy and said, “You do realize that this thing hasn’t actually done anything wrong, right? It just defended itself from a group of people trying to murder it.”
“We also tortured it,” said Judy. “And we called it’s momma a ho!”
Thor raised an eyebrow.
“Why would you…”
“Turn around, Thor,” said Catrina.
Thor lowered his eyebrow and did as instructed. He saw nothing but heaving fur.
The super-werewolf was towering over him and snarling, with claws out and sharp, pointy teeth exposed.
Thor wasn’t an expert regarding animals by any means, but he assumed this is what a creature looked like when it had decided it was going to eat you.
“Well,” he said, “this certainly makes things easier.”
Thor looked at the hammer in his hand again.
“Morally, anyway.”
The werewolf swatted at Thor and he jumped back, its claws just inches from his chin. Thor swung the hammer will all his might and connected with the beast’s face. It tilted its head and looked at him kinda funny. Then it backhanded him across the plaza.
Thor lifted himself onto his elbows just in time to see the monster lunging at him. He threw himself out of the way, the beast shattering the bricks it landed upon. The wolfman turned quickly and kicked, connecting with Thor’s chest and sending him back to the other side of the plaza.
Thor hit the pavement hard. He began to pick himself up from the ground, but was immediately tackled by the werewolf.
The beast took a few chunks of flesh from Thor’s left arm before Thor kicked the wolfman in the throat. It reeled up slightly. Thor, lying on his back, kicked it in the face. The wolfman fell backwards, rolling to the middle of the plaza. Its claws skittered against the bricks briefly before it regained its footing and readied itself to pounce.
Thor, dizzy, staggering, and bleeding profusely, sized up the bleary atomo-wolf opposite him. It was bigger than him, stronger than him, and hairier than him. Thor figured he was a little less than three seconds away from violently being turned into confetti and/or salsa, depending on what the wolf did with his remains. Not really seeing any alternative, Thor shrugged, winced, and then threw the hammer at the atomic wolfman.
In the same instant the hammer hit the creature’s snout, the werewolf was struck by lightning.