“Just repairing another broken heart. You had no idea the poor girl was in love with you, had you?”
Ryan stared at her. “Who? Lillian?”
“Yes, Lillian.”
“How come?”
“She has loved you for ages. Don’t tell me you never knew?”
“I didn’t.”
“Then you are blind.”
Ryan grinned. “Yeah, but I never gave her cause.”
“You took her to a movie when she was sixteen, so that was enough.”
“For real?”
“Ja, for real.”
Ryan looked across to where the girl sat, now talking to Mark.
“Should I go say anything?”
“No, leave it. I think I’ve dealt with it. Just be nice to her, okay?”
“Sure. Look, are you okay?”
“Why?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.
“Well, I guess I sense that this must be real hard for you, what with all the new people and all. So I just thought to ask.”
She smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
“What for?”
“Just being you and being aware of my feelings. Yes, I’m okay, and yes, it is hard, but I’m coping,” she said.
He steered her across the room, taking her out into the yard. They sat on the deck for a while. The evening was cooling a little, but a few people were outside just talking.
They sat close, keeping their voices down.
“I never planned this,” he said.
“I know.”
“I suppose I see you for how you appear, and it takes a lot for me to remind myself, that inside you are suffering. Is it real bad?”
“Not as much as it used to be. I almost believe the lie now.”
“The lie?”
“That I am what I appear.”
“It ain’t no lie.”
She smiled and looked at his hand that held hers.
“It's a little different now that I'm physically more like what I've always wanted to be. But inside, my brain tells me that I'm a freak.”
He reached out and gently held her face, lifting her head so she was looking at him.
“You’re no freak. You’re the most beautiful girl I have ever known,” he said, as tears welled up in her lovely eyes.
“Oh, Ryan, you poor mad fool. I’m not what you think I am.”
“And what is that?”
She smiled. “I don’t know, but I’m sure I could never be as good as you think I am.”
He leaned over and kissed her on the lips, very tenderly. She sobbed and flung her arms around his neck.
They were interrupted by someone banging a tin tray.
It was Robert.
“Okay, listen up everyone.”
Gradually the chatter ceased.
“Thanks, folks. As you all know, this is a welcome home party for young Ryan, and as most of you are now aware, it’s also an engagement party. So if the happy couple could step right up here, I have some toasts to propose.”
Reluctantly, Ryan and Michelle stood and there were some cheers.
“We met Michelle today for the first time, and having met her, we don’t understand how someone as beautiful as her can see fit to associate with someone as plug-ugly as Ryan.
“Seriously folks, we only met her today, but although we’ve only known her a short while, we feel as if we’ve known her years. We're so pleased and proud that Ryan has found someone as wonderful as she is, and so I’d like everyone to raise their glasses to Ryan and Michelle.”
“Ryan and Michelle!”
Ryan held tightly around her waist.
He looked around the sea of faces. All were friends and relatives, and many he had known all his life. It dawned on him that the girl he held tightly next to him was who he wanted to spend his future with, so he smiled at her before making a short speech.
“Thanks. I know that although all of you have been friends for a long while. I’d like to thank my fiancée for being so gracious and brave to face so many new folks, as I'm aware that occasions like these can be very awkward.
“I hope Michelle will forgive me, but you ought to know that her formative years were not easy, as she has been through some real tough times. She is the most courageous and resourceful person I've ever come across, and I'm privileged that she has consented to marry me. I shall do my utmost to make our future so much better than her past. Please understand that she doesn’t like talking about her past, so I’d ask you not to ask her.
“For those who know me, you know that I'm not someone who does anything half-hearted. Well, Michelle is another one, so with your blessings, we hope to make a real future together.”
There was a round of applause, and Michelle found herself bodily pushed towards Ryan. She smiled, so he held his hands out to her. She took them and he drew her close.
They kissed, as Cathy found tears in her eyes. She had always wanted Ryan to find a girl of whom he could be proud, and she felt he had done just that. They looked such a fine couple, so she hoped they’d manage to have kids one day.
By two a.m., the party was over and everyone had gone home. Michelle and Ryan helped Cathy clear up, and they loaded the dish washer.
“Mom, we’re beat. We’ll see you in the morning. Don’t wake us up, we’ll get up when we’re ready,” Ryan said, as Michelle kissed Cathy goodnight.
Finally, they were alone in Ryan’s old room. His old bed had been replaced by a double bed, and the room had been re-decorated a little.
Michelle stripped off, wrapping a towel around her and slipped into the shower. Ryan smiled and undressed, slipping on his jockey shorts.
He lay on the bed and waited for her.
She wasn’t long, returning after having just had a quick shower, keeping her long gorgeous hair dry.
She still felt slightly self-conscious with him, not because of anything she was ashamed of, but because she loved him and felt vulnerable to him. She was aware of what she had been, hating herself because of it. She imagined that he could see the imperfections she knew existed.
She sat and dried herself off, while he just watched her.
She took her night dress, slipped it on and brushed her hair.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said.
She smiled.
She came and sat on the bed, so he lifted up the covers. She slipped in next to him. As he wrapped his arm around her, she smiled again. It was as if she had just come home.
Chapter 14.
Michelle stood with the luggage under the awning outside the Terminal building, watching Ryan fight for a cab.
It was nine thirty in the morning and it was raining hard, but she felt very odd. It was the first time she had returned to the Netherlands in some time, and as her US passport was stamped, she could not resist smiling a secret little smile.
She found that she saw the world in a different way now. Gone was the feeling that everyone was looking and knowing she was not what she appeared. Ryan’s family had helped her enormously by simply accepting her so completely.
She had cried when she had said farewell. For the first time in her life she actually felt she belonged to a family who loved her. She was very uneasy about visiting her own family, as the last time she had seen them had been simply awful.
She cast her mind back to that stressful confrontation in the family kitchen when her father had asked her, or then him, whether he was gay.
Michel had been cross dressing for years, but after leaving school he had gone to work in an office near his home. He had been a bright student, so his mother had always harboured the hope that he would go on to university. His father was an administrator with the local hospital and ultra-conservative.
Although not especially religious, his parents had strict ideas about right and wrong, so did not approve of the general liberalisation of Dutch society. Michel knew he should have been a girl when he was four years old. He was very jealous of his younger sister Gabrielle. At seven, he first found the word transsexual in a dictionary when he was looking for the word transvestite, after he had heard his father use the word.