I can tell when the room goes black. I hear Adrian shuffling and I know he’s stepping out of his pants. He crawls behind me in my small bed. I feel his bare legs, his bare chest, and I want to wrap myself inside him, feel him all over my body.
“I should…” I can hardly get the words past my lips. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I never have. And I also don’t know if I can move. “I should… you know, for you too.”
“Next time,” he whispers, and I’m not sure if I should do it or not, but I decide to risk it. I cuddle close to him and lay my head on his chest.
“I feel your heart,” I tell Adrian.
He pauses. “I thought it ran away.” His words break my heart. I try to sit up, but his arm wraps around me and stops me. “It was a joke.”
I know it wasn’t, but I can’t make myself call him on it. Not right now. If I do, he’ll pull away. I hope I’m doing the right thing.
“Adrian—”
“Sleep, Little Ghost. No more haunting tonight.”
His words flip a switch inside me. Open a door to him and pull him inside. “Tell me a story. A happy one this time.”
“I don’t know any happy stories.” He runs his hand over my shoulder and I wonder if he’s trying to connect my dots. Or write on my skin.
“Yes, you do. Tell me something.” He doesn’t answer at first. My eyes are so heavy. I’m drifting… falling, deeper and deeper when I hear his voice in the dark:
Skin to skin
Breath to breath
Touch to feel
Body to soul
But only
To Chase
Away
Your ghosts
* * *
A loud banging sound jerks me out of my sleep.
“What the hell!” Adrian’s voice yells from the hallway. “Back the fuck up, man.”
Oh no! I grab the sheet, because it’s the only thing close to me, and wrap it around myself as I dart for the hallway. Adrian’s left eye is swollen as Maddox stands there, his body stiff and his hands fisted.
“What the hell are you doing in there with my little sister?” His voice is so angry, so sharp that it scares me.
“I would have thought that was obvious,” Adrian tosses back at him. Totally the wrong thing to say. My brother lunges at him, but I grab him just in time. It’s the first either of them see me.
“Maddox! Stop it! What are you doing?”
“Is this him?” he seethes. “What the fuck is he doing here, Laney? This wasn’t part of—”
“Stop it! It’s not your business!” My heart is a herd of elephants stomping across the earth.
I know my brother can get out of my grasp, but he doesn’t. He wouldn’t risk hurting me like that. But I also don’t trust him not to say something to Adrian. You’re fighting to keep the secret now. That’s not right.
“We’ll be right back,” I tell Adrian as I’m pushing my brother into the bathroom. That’s when I see it. I knew Adrian had a few tattoos, because they’re on his arms, but the second my eyes land on his chest, it’s like a fist grabs me around the throat, cutting off my breath. On his chest, over his heart, is a tattoo of a hand. A little baby hand with a heart in it. Adrian’s heart.
And it’s for Ashton. I know it is. The little boy my father killed.
Tears choke me. Adrian’s giving me that look that says he sees something’s wrong and is searching me for the truth.
I look at him, standing in my hallway in his boxer-briefs, with a black eye, a messed up hand, and a tattoo on his chest for a dead little boy who he loved.
“Are you okay? He’s not going to hurt you?” he asks.
“Kiss my ass, motherfucker. She’s my sister.”
“It’s okay. I’m okay,” I tell Adrian as I close the door.
Everything in Maddox’s demeanor changes as we step inside. He’s still mad. I can definitely see that, but now the worry is breaking through. “What are you doing, Laney?” He keeps his voice low and for that I’m thankful.
Still, I say, “Shhh. It was a mistake. I didn’t plan it but…”
“But what? You’re hooking up with him ’cause you feel guilty?”
“No! It’s not about that!”
“Fuck.” He drops his head backward, lets it hit the door as he looks up. “You like him?”
“I don’t really know him.”
“Don’t bullshit me. Now’s not the time.”
God, he’s right. “I do. I didn’t mean to, but I do.” I’m standing in the bathroom with my brother. I’m only wearing a sheet wrapped around me and the boy whose family mine ruined is in the next room, hurt from my brother. Hell, and from me. His hand wouldn’t be messed up if he hadn’t tried to save my life.
“Oh God. I’m making a mess of this.” I fall onto the closed toilet.
“It’s not your job to fix it, but you have to know this isn’t smart. What do you think he’s going to do when he finds out?”
I shake my head, not wanting to hear it. “He said he wouldn’t want to know the truth.”
“He also didn’t know what the hell that truth was, did he? You’re fucking naked with this guy, Laney.”
My eyes start to water, but I wipe the tears away and stand up. “I don’t ask a lot out of you, Maddy, but please, please stay in here until he leaves. And don’t say anything to him, okay? I’ll fix it. I’ll find a way to make it right for all of us.”
As I did a few seconds ago, he shakes his head this time. He looks much more glum than I did. “I see it in your eyes. Don’t do this. Don’t get close to him. If you do, we’re even more fucked than we are now. You know this can’t end well, Laney.”
I hate that I don’t know if he’s right. Those two voices fill my head again. One that says Maddox knows what he’s talking about. That says this can’t help Adrian. That it might hurt him. But then there’s the other voice. The one that lives in my heart that wants to think this is right. That wants nothing more than to try and save Adrian, to try and save us all.
I still don’t know which one to listen to. “Let me handle it.” The door clicks behind me. When I step inside my room, Adrian is dressed again.
“Your brother has a good right jab. He’s lucky my hand’s fucked up and I’m not a big enough bastard to kick his ass in his own house.”
“I’m so sorry. When he’s out like that, he doesn’t usually come home so early. I didn’t think I would sleep so well. I thought I could have had you leave before he got home.”
“Have to ask his permission for a sleepover?” There’s venom in his voice I’ve never heard before.
“That’s not fair. He’s my older brother. I think any guy would be like that.”
“Guess we don’t get to play doctor this time.”
His eye is swelling more. “I’m sorry. I’ll get you some ice.”
“Don’t worry about it. I have to go.” I try to grab him, but he dodges me, walks to the door, but stops, his hand on the knob and his back to me. He doesn’t move for what feels like an eternity. And then he turns around, touches my face, his finger drifting down my neck and over my left shoulder.
I don’t even realize I’m smiling until he says, “There is it. Just one touch. Don’t ever lose that, Little Ghost.” And with that, he’s gone. I watch the door long after he’s walked away. I think about what Maddox said. Think about last night, Adrian’s caresses, his words. And the mask that started to slip away. The same mask he wore when he told me good-bye. I want to show him how beautiful he is without it. Maddox is wrong. He has to be. And I’m not letting Adrian run away anymore either.
Chapter Thirteen
~Adrian~