Chapter Fourteen
~Delaney~
I hardly hear the other waitress as she rambles on about the schedule change. That the manger called and they caught the people who tried to rob the diner. One of them confessed, she says, but her words don’t register.
When I get home, I struggle to remember the drive here. The whole time I think about Adrian and I remember what his breath felt like against my ear. For the first time, I know I got a partial glimpse of the real him. Yes, I knew he hurt. Obviously. I know there are demons and pain and regret in his past, but listening to him speak, seeing the loneliness in his features and even in the way he touched me. No, I never realized how very deep it ran.
Which does nothing to wipe out my guilt.
And it also makes me connect to him more. “You haunt me.” His words so soft in my ear. They did something to me. I like him. That much is true, though I can’t believe I admitted it so bluntly, but more than ever before, I feel that invisible thread between us. Feel it tighten and strengthen and not just because of the past we’re both linked to.
Because of him. There’s something special about him. And it’s scary. Scary as hell. But not as scary as the fact that I need to tell him. That I owe him this and I don’t know how to do it.
Instead of going straight to bed when I get home, I soak in a bath. I fill it with bubbles and let it try and wash away my thoughts. It doesn’t work and I think maybe, maybe I might be glad of it.
When I get out, I dress in my pajamas. Maddox is sleeping on the couch, so I’m quiet as I walk back into my room. Unease gnaws at my stomach as I dial the hospital to talk to my mom. I’ve tried before and she won’t speak to me. I’m not surprised, though; she never wants to talk to me, but I can’t stop myself from seeing if she’s okay.
When the operator answers, I ask for her room. She patches me through and Mom’s groggy voice comes over the line on the third ring.
“Hey, Mom. It’s me.”
“Who else would it be? It’s not as though I have a husband anymore. And my son doesn’t give a shit about me.” Her voice is harsh. It’s not a good day, though when it comes to me, I guess it never really is.
“How are you? How are things going?”
She skips my question completely. “Where’s your brother? I want to speak to my son.”
My heart aches at her words, aches because even though she loves Maddox more, I don’t get why she can’t love me. Because I was suddenly a daddy’s girl and that has somehow turned me into a monster in her eyes and Maddox into an angel?
Which I could handle, if it gave her—or him—some comfort, but I know it doesn’t because Maddox wants nothing to do with her, the same way she wants nothing to do with me.
“He’s not here. He’s—”
The line goes dead. I try not to let the empty air squeeze through my pores and find its way inside me. I don’t need it there. Not anymore. I would do anything to bring our family back together. Why doesn’t she see that?
I will the tears away, not wanting to shed them today. I cry too much. For now, I only want to sleep. Sleep and pretend nothing is the way it is.
* * *
“I need you to call Mom,” I tell Maddox when I wake up. He’s sitting on the small balcony, smoking a cigarette again.
“Good morning to you too.” He takes another pull on the cancer stick.
“I’m serious, Maddy. I called to check on her this morning and she hung up on me. You know she would rather talk to you. We need to make sure everything’s okay.”
“If she hung up on you, that says she’s okay. That she’s like she always is.”
“You know—”
“No, actually, I don’t know what you mean.” He stands, leans against the railing and looks at me. “You say I take too much blame, but look at you, Laney. You think you’re going to save us all. You keep pushing, trying to fix her when she treats you like shit. You’re getting close to that prick, thinking you’ll make it better, when you know he’s just going to hurt you.”
I refuse to hear the truth in his words. Refuse to discuss Adrian with him. “Just call her. Two minutes. That’s all I ask.”
He sighs. “Why do you do this to yourself?”
The way he looks at me breaks my heart. I know he loves me. Know he feels like he has an obligation to take care of me because Mom was so mad at me, so hurtful after Dad went to prison. Her words try and find their way into my head, but I slam the door on them like I always do.
“I know we’ve been fighting a lot and I hate that. You’re my brother… my best friend. I know I push you and we don’t understand each other, but I need this. I need you to check on her and I need… I want us to get along. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”
He closes his eyes tightly. I see his jaw tense. “You’re too good for the way she treats you. I hate her for that. You didn’t deserve any of this, little sister.”
Taking a step forward, I hug him. Hug him even though he stinks like cigarettes. The embrace doesn’t last long and then he’s pulling away. Dialing the phone and grunting a hello into it when she answers. And then he listens as she talks. Asks how she’s doing. She doesn’t hang up on him. She doesn’t yell. It’s Maddox who says he has to go a few minutes later.
I hear her voice through the phone when she says, “I know you only called because of her. Your father was the same way. She’s so spoiled. No one could ever tell her—”
Maddox turns off the phone. “I’m not doing that again.”
My chin quivers as I shake my head, telling him I won’t ask him to.
“Don’t fucking listen to her, Laney. None of this was your fault.” He ruffles my hair like I’m ten years old and then goes into the apartment. And I know that he thinks it’s his fault, but he’ll never tell me why.
Maddox has been gone to work less than an hour when the banging starts on my front door. It scares me at first, and I pick up my phone, ready to call someone if I have to, when Adrian’s voice breaks through the thin wall.
“Fuck,” he mumbles, and I give a small smile, wondering if he hit the door with his injured hand. My heart jumps, shocked that he’s there, but then it does a free fall because it’s probably not a good thing that he is.
I open the door, seeing a shadow of stubble on his face. The swelling has gone down in his eye, and it’s mostly only the purple ring.
“I need to get out of here.” His voice is calm, but I sense the urgency beneath his words.
“What happened? Are you in some kind of trouble?”
He shakes his head. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I need to go. I need to fucking breathe and I’m suffocating here. My phone rings every ten minutes and people show up at my house and I called…”
He doesn’t finish.
“Called who?”
“You’ve been crying.” He studies my face, slightly cocks his head like he does sometimes.
“I’m fine. It’s just stuff with my mom. Who did you call?”
Again he ignores my question. “I want to get lost. Have you ever wanted to get fucking lost? That’s all I want. I’ll be back. I just didn’t want you to think I bailed on you. Maybe your brother can—”
“They caught them. My boss got a phone call. One of them confessed, which is why they don’t need us to identify them. They were young kids, but even if they hadn’t been arrested, I wouldn’t need my brother to protect me.”
“What happened with your mom?” His eyebrow rises and I know he’s doing what I did when I asked again who he called.
“She hates me for not letting her die.” The way his lips curl down and his jaw tenses, I know he didn’t expect the answer. “Though I guess if I’m being honest, I’d admit that she had issues with me before that.”
As I’m standing here talking to him, I realize I can breathe too. That after speaking to Mom and fighting with Maddox so much, I was feeling the exact way he does—like I’m suffocating.