“When I was younger”—he takes a deep breath—“I wrote all the time. Read and wrote. I thought if I disappeared enough into the words, they would become my life instead of the one I was living.”
Oh God, oh God, oh God. That is a piece of him he never would have given me before. It makes me feel buoyant, invincible, but also like a fraud.
“It doesn’t work that way, though.” There’s seriousness in his voice.
I feel him starting to shut down again and I want to do, to say anything to bring him back to me. To open him up. “Maybe it can… Your words are beautiful, Adrian. The poem you left at the diner was wonderful and the one from the night at my house too.”
“You like them? Do you want me to tell you another story?” His voice is gravelly, husky, but manages to pour over me as smoothly as honey.
“Yes.” My voice sounds funny as well. He’s looking at me so intensely, as though it’s impossible to turn away. My heart is suddenly going crazy again and my skin tingles, burns, whatever else it can possibly feel.
He leans forward. “There once was a beautiful girl. She was sexy as hell.”
Closer. With each second that ticks by he gets closer to me.
“She met a guy. Of course there was a guy and he wanted her so fucking bad he could hardly stand it.”
I want to back up.
I want to lunge for him.
“And for one night, she was his.”
Adrian’s mouth comes down hard and fast on mine. Tender mixed with hungry need as his tongue is stroking and exploring my mouth. My arms wrap around his neck. Adrian leans me back on the bed, my head on the pillows as he lies on top of me.
“Tonight she was his,” he says again, and then kisses me thoroughly. His lips tantalize every part of my body. Somehow I feel him everywhere. Our lips the epicenter, but my whole body is under the same assault.
All the feelings from earlier hit me again. They’re harder and stronger, full of excitement and nerves and fear. I push the others aside, making room for more excitement and desire because no matter how scary this is, I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want Adrian right now.
“Please…” slips out of my mouth.
“Whatever you want.” And then he’s pulling my shirt over my head and I’m pushing his up too. He sits up, straddling me and I slide it over his head. His tattoo is there and I want to kiss it but don’t know if I should. Instead I let my hands travel over his tanned skin. Feeling each sinewy muscle as he constricts in what I hope is need.
“You drive me so fucking crazy,” he says before his mouth is on mine again. His weight so deliciously perfect on top of me. I only tense for a second when his hand pushes under the waistband of my sweats and then my panties. Nerves threaten to push in again, but I remember he’s had his mouth on me before and this is Adrian and no matter what, I know he’d never hurt me.
My body arches toward him as he pushes a finger inside. My nails claw at his back as I move with his hand.
His mouth leaves mine long enough to say, “So tight,” before he’s kissing me again. This time down my body, lavishing first one and then my other breast. And we’re moving together as his finger works me. Pleasure is climbing higher and higher inside me. My body yearns to cry out, but I don’t know if I should, so instead I dig my fingers in tighter until I’m coming apart at the seams beneath him.
He leans his body forward and we’re pressed together. I’m sweating and he’s not, but I can’t find it in me to care right now.
“So beautiful.”
“So tired,” I gasp.
“So not done.”
The promise in his voice reignites the fire inside me. Adrian stands up, his hands going for the button on his pants.
“Can I?” I ask, thankful I didn’t let myself think about the words before they came out.
“You can do anything you want to me.”
I tremble as I sit up and he waits.
My fingers move slowly as I push his button through the hole. I’m sure he’s used to girls being much better at this, but he doesn’t say anything. Risking a glance at him, I look up and his eyes are just as smoldering, just as intense as they were earlier, maybe more.
Adrian touches my cheek. Pulls the band out of my hair and runs his fingers through it. I work his zipper next, seeing the bulge he’s hiding behind it. My breath catches.
“Keep going, baby. I want you.”
And I do. He steps out of his pants after I push them down and then I hook my hands in his boxer-briefs, sliding those down too. Adrian’s length springs free. This time I almost swallow my tongue. Granted, I don’t have anything to compare it to, but he looks really big.
“You started this. You have to finish it,” he says, so I do. I push his underwear all the way down and he steps out of those too. Fear spikes inside me when he begins to step away, but he only bends down, pulling his wallet out of his pocket and then a square package from there.
Adrian opens it, but this he does for himself. I can’t take my eyes off him as he rolls it down.
He lays me on the bed and takes off the rest of my clothes. Lies down on top of me, and even though there’s space between us, I wonder if he can feel my heart beating.
His fingers drift over me. “Still wet for me,” he says.
“Go slow.” My voice sounds like a plea and I hope it doesn’t scare him.
“Whatever you want.”
And then he’s pushing in. Slow… so very slow and I’m arching toward him, but tensing up too. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
A small burst of pain makes me cry out and Adrian freezes above me. In me.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Little Ghost?” His forehead drops to mine.
“Because it doesn’t change anything. No matter what, I want to be with you.”
He gives me a small nod. A light, soft kiss on my forehead before he starts to move. With each stroke the pain is wiped away and all I feel is pleasure. Adrian. I wrap my arms around his back again. Sweat slicks his skin now and I revel in the fact that I can get him that worked up.
Each time he pulls out, I gasp, wanting to feel him deep again.
Words fill my head. I want to call his name. Want to hear him say mine, but I don’t know if it’s right or if he’ll hear the need for him in my voice, so I don’t say anything. Try to let my body tell him how good this feels. How good he feels as I move with him and clutch the strong muscles of his back.
His lips take my own and all I can think is we’re joined in two incredibly important places. That’s all it takes for the pull to start building in me again. Adrian seems to sense it and moves faster, kisses deeper, and that’s when I can’t hold it back anymore. I bite my lip as wave after wave washes over me.
“Christ,” Adrian hisses, and then he tenses above me. I feel him jerk inside me and know he’s finishing too. Veins spring to life in his neck before he pulls away. I miss the feel of him instantly. I’m scared I’m going to cry. I don’t know why. Don’t know if it’s because that was more than I expected or because as beautiful as it was, there are lies between us because of me. Lies that I need to come clean about before they ruin us both.
I try to stand up, but Adrian says, “Don’t go. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
He disappears into the bathroom and I hear water running. He’s back in a few seconds and I can’t keep my eyes from his gorgeous, naked body.
“Let me clean you.”
It’s so sweet and so unexpected that I’m again scared the tears will come. I try not to be embarrassed as he cleans me with the washcloth. His condom is gone and when he’s done, he puts the washcloth away, turns off the light, and crawls back into bed with me.