I let one of my hands travel up her body and stroke the soft skin of her neck.
“Okay… maybe… I can’t think when you do that.” Her voice is breathy, the way I like it.
“Fine.” I pull back so my mouth isn’t tempted to taste her again, but keep my hands on her.
“Maybe not nothing, but… why don’t we just hang out? Walk around? It’s more of an adventure if you don’t plan it.” She looks down as though those words embarrass her.
“I love how real you are.” I brush my thumb cross her cheek. “You’re honest, but also… so fucking innocent. You’re different than the other girls I know.” She makes me want to be honest with her.
She closes her eyes, making me think I said the wrong thing. Did the wrong thing. “What’s wrong, Little Ghost?”
Delaney opens her eyes, shadows creeping in on them. For the first time since I was a dumb-ass kid, I want to try and win a battle for someone. I never could growing up, so I learned to stop trying. I don’t like those shadows in her eyes and I wonder if it would be worth it to try again. To go to war with whatever plagues her because at least someone I care about should be happy. Since it won’t be me, I think I’d like it to be her.
“I’m not that honest.”
That’s what she thinks. Her little white lies can’t compare to the ones I live every day.
“Neither am I, so I can’t fault you for that. But you’re innocent and it’s sexy as hell.”
It’s so strange, being with her like this. Being with anyone like this. What I just told her sounds like a line, one I would have used on another girl, but with her it’s true. The words come out without having to think about them or plan them or paste that fake-ass smile on my face.
“Oh God. I can’t believe this is happening.” She covers her face with her hands. It’s still pretty early in the morning, so even though we’re in the lobby of the hotel, it’s empty.
“I never expected…” She shakes her head.
I feel her pulling away. This is where I should open my hands and let her go. Set her free because she deserves to fly and I never will, but instead I touch her hands, gently prying them away from her face. “Don’t think. Don’t stress. Just… laugh until those ghosts disappear from your eyes. They do, ya know? They’re not always there. I can’t make promises, but we’re here now. Let’s just…” Ashton slips his way into my head.
“I Adrian… you Ash.”
“No, no.” I shake my head at him. “You’re Ash.”
“Let’s play. I wanna be like you.”
I remember standing there in awe because this little guy wanted to be me. No one ever envied me for anything. Girls wanted me, Dad liked to hit me, Angel protected me, but here was this little kid who wanted to be me. It was fucking incredible.
“Let’s pretend to be someone else. Pretend we don’t have anything to worry about except right now.” And I need that. I didn’t think I needed anything anymore, but standing here, I realize I do.
“Okay.”
“I’ll make sure you don’t regret it,” I say against her ear. She shivers and it transfers to me. Damn this girl affects me.
We go upstairs to our room. “I need to take a shower,” she tells me.
Yeah. That sounds good to me too. “Want some company?” I ask, and damned if she doesn’t blush.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea if we want to get out of here.”
There’s something else to her voice that tells me not to push it. It has nothing to do with being out of here on time because we don’t have a specific time to go anywhere. She has her boundaries, just like I do, only mine aren’t physical.
I nod, without breaking eye contact so she knows I’m hearing her. I learned that growing up. Even if I don’t understand something or I know it’s a lie, or on those rare occasions I get it and it’s real, look someone in the eye when it’s important. When Mom was hurt, she could never do that. That’s how I knew it was a lie, even if the bruises couldn’t be seen.
While she takes a shower, I unwrap my hand. It’s healed enough that I don’t need to keep the bandage on anymore. Even though my eye isn’t as purple as it was, I still have the strike against me. Having my hand bandaged feels like another one. It’s one of those signs that something’s wrong that people notice but don’t fucking act on.
I don’t want to look like that when I’m with her.
I shower after she does. I come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist. Delaney’s standing by the mirror, looking into the glass, but I know she’s really waiting on me. It’s in the way she stands and the way she turns to look my way and fuck if I don’t get hard seeing her look at me all innocent in nothing but a bra and a pair of jeans.
“What?” I ask her.
“That was ridiculous, right? We had sex last night and we both needed to shower. I could have…”
“Don’t.” I step toward her and she looks up at me. This girl does something to me. Makes my gut twist and makes me feel on edge. I’m not stupid enough not to understand it. Not to get that I’m falling for her when I’ve never fallen for anyone else in my life, but I know I have nothing to give her either. Not permanently.
“Don’t what?” she asks.
“Don’t ever feel like you have to do something because I want it, okay? If I’m pushing you, tell me to fuck off and don’t ever feel bad about that. I’ll respect the hell out of you for it.”
I know it’s Dad’s fault and I will always hate the bastard for what he did to Mom, but there’s a part of me who’s angry at Mom too. I don’t get why she couldn’t tell him no. Why she couldn’t sneak away with me and Angel the same way my sister had the guts to leave. Even when I flirt or make my intentions obvious, I never want a girl to think I’m pushing myself on her, the way Dad did with Mom.
“I know you would never try to force me into doing something I don’t want to. It just feels…”
“Like it doesn’t matter.” I trace the swells of her breasts with my fingers. Palm their heavy weight, covered by cool satin. “We have time, if you want to. If not… well, hopefully you’ll let me have a taste again. Will you, Little Ghost?” I pinch her nipples and she cries out. “Will you let me?”
“Yes…”
Jesus, she’s hot. I kiss her forehead, then her lips. “If you want to leave this hotel room, you really need to get dressed right now.”
Then she fucking giggles and it’s so crazy. I’ve never been one to go for girls who giggle, but it’s different with her. And even though she’s happy, I know she still has clouds in her life. She doesn’t smile as much as she should and damned if it doesn’t feel good to give her that. I’m suddenly trying to think of ways to do it again, which is just another of those strange things I have to file away in my brain.
“So sweet… so innocent,” I tell her before I pretend to nip at her neck, which makes her laugh again before backing up. As much as I want to keep going, to kiss her again, I don’t.
We make it out of the hotel a few minutes later. We’re in one of those little towns that look perfect like the one I grew up in. I wonder what secrets it hides, because they all have them.
It’s cold, so we’re both bundled up. There’s a sign on a pole outside a Winter Celebration, and even though I’ve never been to something like that in my life, and I’m honestly not real excited about the idea right now, I think it’s something she would like.
“What about this?” I ask. Happiness eclipses any of the remaining shadows in her eyes and I know I asked the right question.
“Really?” she asks, and she looks so fucking happy that it almost makes me feel happy too. Or maybe it does and it’s too hard for me to admit it, but I think I’d do just about anything to hold on to that feeling.