“I know…” And I do. I didn’t make him treat me differently. I didn’t make him lie, gamble. I didn’t put him in the car with another woman when he was driving that day.
“Laney… I’m sorry, my baby girl. Daddy loves you,” he told me as I stood next to the cell talking to him. Maddox was back in the corner, wouldn’t come near him, looking at him with angry eyes that haven’t left him ever since. And he didn’t even try to get Maddox to forgive him. Why didn’t he try?
“Delaney! Let’s go.” Mom grabs my hand and pulls me away.
“Why didn’t he try to get you to forgive him, Maddox? Why did he only ask me?”
Every muscle in my brother’s body stiffens. Things that should have clicked into place a long time ago start fitting together now.
“Why didn’t he ask you, Maddy? Why didn’t you ask the same questions I did?”
Why did he and Dad stop playing ball together before any of that happened… Maddox was angrier before that too… and that’s when Dad started getting closer to me.
“What are you doing, Delaney? Why are you spending so much time alone with your father? It’s not right, at your age. He should be with Maddox when he’s home. He doesn’t even play football with your brother anymore. You’re taking him away from your brother.”
“You knew…” whispers out of my mouth. “Didn’t you? Somehow you found out. You knew about the affairs. What about the gambling? Did you know about that too?” That his work trips weren’t work related. That he disappeared with the woman who would be in the car with him when he killed Adrian’s nephew. That there would be debts and secrets that would change all our lives.
Maddox jerks away from me. “He used to fucking take me with him when he gambled and I thought it was cool. That we’d go away and it was a secret you and Mom didn’t know. I didn’t realize there was anything wrong with it—it had been happening since I was a kid! But then things started getting worse and he would have to go more because he wasn’t winning. That’s the first time I realized something was wrong and then I met her.”
Oh my God. My brother met the woman?
“That was it. That’s when I knew it wasn’t okay, him screwing around on Mom. It felt like a lie to all of us. He fucking bribed me not to tell and I didn’t. Where would my college money come from? All I ever wanted was football, Laney.”
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
“But he told me he was done. I couldn’t keep his fucking secrets anymore and he told me it stopped, but it didn’t. He started getting closer to you and then Mom started getting pissed at you, and I had to have fucking known it was still happening. I would have had to be stupid not to, but I kept my mouth shut. What if I would have told? Or threatened to tell? Would he have stopped? Would that kid still be alive? Would Mom have dealt better and not treated you like shit?”
It’s suddenly too much. A scream builds up inside me. “I hate this! I’m so tired of all the fucking lies and secrets!” Guilt and pain. “When will it end?”
“I’m sorry, Laney. So sorry I screwed up.” Maddox is moving toward the door. The pain in his voice slices through me. I grab his arm, barely getting it, but knowing if I don’t hold on, he’ll be gone.
“It’s not your fault! You were sixteen when everything happened. Younger even when you found out. You were a kid! It was Dad’s fault.” And Mom’s after.
“After I told you that, you still want to save me? First Mom, then Adrian, and now me? If you’re smart, you’ll leave us all the hell alone and save yourself.”
With that he pulls his arm out of my hand and slams the door.
I need to go find my brother…
I need to check on my mom…
I need to tell Adrian…
All I wanted to do was save us, one of us… and I probably just lost us all.
Chapter Twenty-One
~Adrian~
I’m sitting in the car with Oscar and a few other people wishing they would shut the fuck up. Each word they speak or each time they laugh it’s like someone shooting a BB gun at my head. It’s not killing me yet, just an annoying fucking ache that’s driving me insane. That eventually I think will kill me.
I need a distraction. To keep me busy and my mind off my ghost. After being in the hotel room, remembering how peaceful it felt, how much like a fucking home, they called and wanted to come over and I remembered that room and thought of my house and I wished like hell I could make it like that.
That my walls weren’t tinged with weed smoke and beer stains weren’t ground into my carpet. For the first time I wanted it to be my solace and the idea of people fucking in rooms and dancing on the floors made me sick.
Now sitting in this car with them is doing the same thing.
I didn’t want to go to her. I need to cut the ties because I feel her in my chest and it’s not right to have anyone there. Not when I can’t do right by them.
“Why the fuck are you so quiet up there, Westfall?” some guy in the backseat says.
I don’t even know who he is. “Why the fuck do you care?”
Oscar laughs from the driver’s seat. “He’s always got that quiet thing going on. No one ever knows what he’s thinking.”
I don’t know what it is about those words, but they make me want to hit something. They make me want to bleed because they’re true and I’ve always wanted them to be true, but Christ is it lonely. I want to be alone…
And I do. I did. But I haven’t felt it lately. Not when I’m with her.
Suddenly every fucking nerve ending in my body needs to be with her. To really feel something. I never, ever let myself feel. Yes, I loved my sister, but only her. And then Ashton. Jesus, I fucking loved him, but Delaney makes me feel.
And it’s an ache building inside me, a need tearing me apart, wrecked by this tornado of what it felt like to be touched by her. Inside and out.
“I need you to bring me somewhere,” I tell Oscar.
“What? Where?”
I tell him and he looks at me like he gets it, but he doesn’t. He thinks I’m going to get laid, but what he doesn’t understand is sitting in that diner, watching her work, writing in my book would be better than this shit.
I’m over it. So fucking over it.
I know it won’t last and I know I can’t really keep her, but while she’s willing, I want to keep this going.
Oscar pulls into the parking lot and I get out. When I don’t see her car I tell him, “Hold up for a minute.”
“Hey.” Jamie, the hostess, smiles at me when I walk inside.
“What’s up?” I nod at her, but my eyes are scanning for Delaney, for her gray eyes and sexy smile.
“She’s not here. She called in again. Between you and me, boss is pissed. Three days in a row. I wouldn’t be surprised if she loses her job.”
“It’s not her fault,” I tell Jamie before walking out. I check my phone and she hasn’t called and then I wonder what the hell I’m doing, tripping out because I haven’t heard from her and she didn’t go to work. She’s an adult. She can do what she wants and doesn’t owe me a damn thing.
I get back in the car. “Take me home, man,” I tell him.
He curses and says something about being a taxi.
“I’ll remember that next time you want to party at my house.”