"Yeah, see ya."
When I walk into the apartment, Jase and Mark are in the kitchen cooking dinner. They have music playing loudly, so they don't hear me when I enter. I stand there and watch them move around the kitchen, flirting with each other. Jase approaches Mark while he's standing over the stove and wraps his arms around his waist, kissing him on the neck. A part of me feels a little sad—envious. Maybe I'm just not meant to ever have that. When Mark turns around to look at Jase, he sees me.
"Hey!" he says excitedly. "We're making Italian tonight. You hungry?"
"Yeah, a little," I say, walking toward the bedroom. Why am I suddenly feeling sad? I wish I could get a hold of my emotions. I should be happy for Jase and Mark, not pitying myself. God, I am so selfish.
Closing the door behind me, I toss my purse on the floor. Walking across the room, I sit on the edge of the bed and take a moment to myself to just be sad. I need to get it out now before going back out there. I am sure the boys are sick and tired of my depressing moods.
I hear the creak of the door opening while I'm sniffing and quickly wiping away my tears. I really don't want to put a damper on the evening, so I paste on a smile before looking up to see Mark walking in the room.
"Hey, what's up?" I say in a fake cheerful tone, pretending that I wasn't just crying.
He closes the door and starts walking over to me. "What's wrong?"
I watch him as he moves across the room and sits down beside me. He places his hand on my knee and gives a light squeeze. "Nothing, just a weird day at work. That's all."
With a friendly smirk, he teasingly says, "You lie."
Not wanting to pretend, I just confess what's got me in my mood. "You're right," I softly chuckle. "Honestly, I love you and Jase, so don't take this the wrong way, okay?"
"Okay."
"I see how happy the two of you are, and I can't help but wonder...why not me? I know it's selfish, but..."
I don't finish, when Mark cuts me off and says, "You are not selfish." Shifting on the bed, he turns his body to face me. He looks extremely serious as he stares into my eyes. "I know what you're thinking, but stop. You will have that, I promise. Look, I can't even imagine how much everything sucks for you right now, but this does not define you."
Tears rim my eyes when Mark rests his hands on my shoulders and repeats himself sternly. "This doesn't define you." Leaning in, he kisses my forehead, and the tears slip out. He takes his thumbs, and wipes them off my cheeks. "It doesn't, okay?"
"Why does it feel that way? Maybe you believe that, but..." Looking down, I shake my head before looking back into his eyes. "None of this makes sense to me."
Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, he says, "One day, this pain will make sense to you." He pulls me in for a hug, and I try to believe his words, but it all sounds too good to be true.
I pull back and attempt to lighten the mood as I grin and ask, "So, what are you boys cooking for me?"
Mark smiles, but I clearly see the concern in his eyes. "Jase is the one who is doing everything. I'm not much of a cook. I'm trying to look helpful, but all I'm doing is stirring the pasta." Laughing, he stands up, grabs my hand, and pulls me off the bed. "Come on, let's devour the bruschetta while we admire Jase's sexy ass moving around the kitchen."
I smile, thankful for the humor, and say, "Absolutely."
Walking into the kitchen, Jase strides over to me, pulls me in for a hug, and gives me a quick kiss. "Hey, sweetie. How was work?"
"Weird at first, but it wound up being a busy night, which was good," I say as I walk over to the wine rack and select a bottle of Nero d'Avola. I uncork the bottle and pour three glasses of the floral Italian wine. As Mark and I settle at the bar, Jase picks up his glass and stands next to us. No toast is needed when the three of us clink our glasses before drinking.
Mark and I sit, chitchatting, while Jase slices up a baguette for the bruschetta. This is exactly what I needed tonight: a relaxing evening with my guys, good food, and wine.
"So, what are you cooking?" I ask Jase as he's stirring a few pots on the stove.
"Lobster tortellini, vodka sauce, pan-fried asparagus, and roasted garlic bread," he says as he moves around the kitchen.
"God, that sounds good!" I look over at Mark and ask, "Hey, didn't your band have a show last night?"
"Yeah, we played at Blur. It was a great gig; the place was packed."
"I've never been there before," I say.
Jase looks over his shoulder at me and jokingly says, "Candace, you haven't been anywhere." He chuckles and then adds, "You should really hear them play sometime. You'd like their sound."
The conversation halts when there is a knock at the door. Mark walks over to open it, and my stomach sinks when I see Kimber standing in the doorway. I jump off the barstool, and Jase is immediately by my side.
"What the hell is going on?" she asks. She is pissed, and understandably so. Walking in, she throws her purse on the couch, and with her hands on her hips, she continues, "You two have been avoiding me all week, and I have no clue what I did to piss you guys off!"
"We're not pissed at you," Jase reassures her, but by the look on her face, she's not buying one word. "Candace just wanted a little time away, that's all."
"From me? I'm supposed to be your best friend?!"
I've seen Kimber worked up before, but not like this. She is visibly not only pissed, but I can tell that her feelings are hurt as well, which hurts me in return. It's not my intention to hurt her at all. I love Kimber, and we have never had secrets between us until now.
"Why won't you talk to me?" she demands.
"I'm sorry," I say, as Mark heads back into the kitchen. I walk over, sit down on the couch, and quickly think of any reason to give her. She moves to stand in front of me, and I know she is waiting for an answer. Nervous, I start to speak again, "Jack and I got into an argument at the party. I was upset, he was drunk, so I called Jase to come pick me up."
Jase butts in and adds, "I suggested she stay here in case he showed up at your house. That's all."
"So why couldn't you just call me and tell me?" The look in her eyes is calling bullshit on our lie.
"I didn't want you getting involved. You can sometimes overreact, and I just wanted everything to die down without any drama. It's no big deal, and I haven't heard from him. It's over, so can we just drop it?" My hands are sweating; I hate even mentioning his name. I really want this conversation to be done with. I look up at Kimber, and she is shaking her head at Jase and me.
"Bullshit!" she snaps as she grabs her purse off of the couch and heads for the door.
Jumping up, I say, "Kimber, wait. Please don't be mad at me. I'm coming back home this week. It's not a big deal, please don't make it into one."
She takes a step towards me and says, "You're the one who made it such a big deal when you decided to avoid me all week. We have always been honest with each other, but if you really want me to believe your story, then fine. I believe you." With that, she turns her back to me, walks out, and slams the door behind her.
"Are you sure everything is all right?" Jase asks as he is helping me unpack my bags.
After my fight with Kimber, I stayed a couple more nights with Jase. It was nice to have him there when I got home from classes on Monday. I didn't think returning to school would be as stressful as it turned out to be. I didn't miss much, so I wasn't stressed about that part. I guess it's more paranoia than stress. Truth is, I am terrified of running into Jack on campus. I know the likelihood of that happening is slim, considering I have been here for the past three years and our paths have never crossed before, but I can't help constantly looking over my shoulder while I walk around campus. The feeling consumed me every day, and when I got back to Jase's apartment, he was there when I broke down from all the panic I was trying to keep bottled up all day. He had asked if I needed him or Mark to help out by trying to meet up with me on campus, but none of our schedules matched up enough for it to be possible.