“Hey,” she said, leaning against the doorjamb. “There’s only two other appointments today. Do you think you can handle them?”
Beth looked up at her and nodded. “Sure. You okay?”
No, Heidi wasn’t okay. She’d never be okay again, but she couldn’t tell her family that.
“You don’t look it,” Beth observed. “You want to talk?”
Heidi swallowed hard and shook her head. What was there to talk about? The love of her life was gone. “I just need the afternoon to myself. I’ll...” Her throat closed up, as it did so often lately. She sighed. “You’ll handle dinner tonight? I’m not sure I’ll be home.”
“Where are you going?”
“Just...out. Away.” She shrugged. “I need some time to think.”
A frown wrinkled Beth’s brow. “Maybe you shouldn’t be alone right now. Why don’t...” She grinned, obviously thinking she’d come up with a brilliant idea. “What if you and I go to Seattle this weekend? Girls’ weekend away. We can shop and stay in a nice hotel and drink all the mojitos we can get our hands on. That should get your mind off...things.”
Heidi’s first inclination was to decline the invitation, but then she shrugged. “Sure. What the hell. I haven’t been stinking drunk in a while.”
“That’s the spirit.”
“It’s not like I’m suicidal or anything. I just need to get away for a couple of hours.” Right now, before she burst into tears in the clinic. Tears and her job did not mix. “We can start planning that Seattle trip in the morning.”
“Cool. Be careful. And yes, I’ll take care of dinner.”
“Thanks.” Heidi went to the lobby. “Mrs. Blake, Beth’s going to handle the rest of the appointments today. I need some personal time.”
Mrs. Blake nodded and gave her a pitying look. Even though the woman didn’t know what had gone on, she must have felt the undercurrent of Heidi’s sadness. For the last few days she’d been bringing Heidi homemade comfort food each morning. Cinnamon rolls, coffee cake and today for lunch, a whole casserole dish of macaroni and cheese.
“I...uh...appreciate your kindness these past few days. I promise I’ll be back to my old cheerful self soon.”
“I haven’t seen you like this since your mother died. You know I’m here for you, dear, if you need someone to listen.”
The tears blurred her vision then, and all she could do was nod and whisper, “Thank you,” as she headed out the door.
Outside was yet another reminder that Javier was gone and not returning. His black Jag sat right where he’d parked it when he’d come to the clinic a week earlier, pissed off she’d left his hotel room without saying goodbye.
If only she hadn’t wasted that chance. If only he hadn’t come to the clinic. If only...
She fired up her Land Rover. It was a cool, foggy day, more like fall than late summer. Heavy rain for two nights had saturated the forest with much-needed water, and Heidi had only one place she wanted to go. The place that she’d shared with only one person, ever.
The drive into the forest didn’t take long, and soon she was out of the car and climbing the steep incline to her property. The air was thick with moisture and silent, as if the fog held all sound at bay except the crunch of dead leaves and twigs under her feet, the scratch of branches against her nylon jacket or jeans.
Breathing hard, her lungs burning from the quick climb, she burst into the clearing and ran toward the lone cedar tree in the center, only to stop short just twenty feet from the ancient sentinel.
“No,” she said, panting. She put her hands on her knees and bent forward, trying to catch her breath.
But when she looked up again, it was still there, and fury cut through her hard and fast.
Someone had been camping in her space, her private domain. An old army tent was erected under the branches of the cedar, a small fire pit with a crudely fashioned spit over it not far outside the door.
“Hey,” she shouted as she approached the little camp. “Anyone in there? You’re on private property.”
The fire pit was cold, the ashes damp when she reached her hand over to check how long it had been out. She flipped one side of the tent door to the side and peered in.
Empty, except for a pair of jeans and a faded flannel shirt. Not even a sleeping bag.
Had someone come here, camped and left his tent? It had the musty smell of a little used canvas that has been in storage.
Bastards. This was her spot, and it had been violated. She stood and started untying the stays to dismantle the tent. Tomorrow she’d pick up a whole pile of No Trespassing signs and put them on every tree at her property lines. And ten on this tree. Her spot. No one else’s.
Hot tears trickled down her cheeks as she fought with the damn ties until frustration got the best of her and she screamed.
And then she screamed again, grabbing the tent and shaking it.
The third scream ended on a hoarse sob, and she collapsed to the damp grass in a heap.
Heidi never knew this kind of emptiness existed. She’d known loneliness, especially since her brothers began finding mates, but never had she experienced the icy desolation that had invaded her soul since Javier disappeared. And the day after he’d run off into the woods, she’d had another blow.
Her period had come. That one night with him she’d prayed had made a baby, had not.
No Javier. No child. Just her, alone. Forever.
A full day and a half went by with no word from Javier before Axel would let her go after him. Her brother had literally stood guard over her and their fathers’ house, keeping her inside and any dangers out. Finally, he’d agreed she could go if Gunnar, in his catamount form, accompanied her. Gunnar’s sense of smell was strong enough to pick up the other cats’ scents and follow them for a while.
But for some unknown reason, even her brother, an expert tracker, couldn’t pick up the trail after it went cold. She’d pleaded with him, and so they’d trekked miles and miles into the forest, Gunnar quartering the land, but not once did he get another hint of Javier or the snow leopard.
She tried to convince herself that no sign was a good sign. If he lay dead somewhere, surely they would’ve found something.
But deep in her heart, she knew...
If he didn’t return for his car and few belongings, which he hadn’t, he was gone forever.
Heidi let the sorrow and pain flow through her as she buried her face in the crook of her arm and sobbed. She’d tried to be strong. Tried to tell herself she hadn’t known him long enough to be this hurt by his disappearance. But it didn’t help. All hope of a future, of happiness, was gone with him.
Her fathers wanted to help her, but admitted they were at a loss. Only time could heal the wounds left by the loss of someone she loved, they’d told her.
Time was all she had.
Time devoid of... Just devoid. Empty.
“Oh, God,” she cried and hugged herself. It had been so much better to believe there was no one anywhere for her. That if she wanted to find any contentment, she’d have to settle for a normal man.
But then a beautiful shifter came into her life and ruined all hope for any kind of happiness.
Finally the tears dried, and Heidi fell into an exhausted sleep.
Chata...
Heidi whimpered and clung tighter to herself. She heard Javier’s whispered endearment so often in her sleep.
Chata, you must get inside the tent. It is about to rain.
Something cold and wet touched her cheek, and she jerked in surprise, her eyes opening in alarm.
Standing over her was a massive black jaguar, his face inches from hers, his warm breath against her cheek.
Slowly, she raised her hand and touched his long whiskers. His lip twitched, and he shook his head slightly.